Month: May 2023

Voices for Children with Kadie Black

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and National Foster Care Month so this week, Kindness Influencer and podcast host, Marly Q, makes Time to be Kind with Kadie Black, CEO of Voices for Children, a nonprofit organization dedicated to serving children in the Miami Dade County foster care system. They discuss the the importance of finding personal joy, the critical work Voices for Children performs every day and how vicarious trauma affects those working in this challenging field. You’ll become more aware of the needs of children in foster care and learn ways the community can support through donations, volunteering, and creating positive experiences for children in the foster care system.

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

 

 

“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero.” ~ Fred Rogers

 

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

• The needs of children in foster care, beyond the basics of food, shelter, and safety.
• The concept of vicarious trauma and the importance of mental health for those working with vulnerable communities.
• Some of the challenges faced by children in the foster care system and how organizations like Voices for Children help.
• The significance of community support, including donations, volunteering, fostering, etc.
• The impact of positive experiences and exposure on the vision and future of children in the foster care system.
• How you can be a Joy Generator for yourself and others!

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ

Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ

Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarlyQ

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

About Our Guest:

Kadie Black is the CEO of Voices for Children, a nonprofit serving children in Miami Dade County’s foster care system. Kadie emphasizes the importance of personal joy and highlights the critical work performed by Voices for Children. Discover how you can support foster care children through donations, volunteering, and creating positive experiences.

Connect with Kadie Black

Website: beavoice.org

Amazon Wish List: Voices for Children Back to School Drive

Instagram: @voicesforchildren

Facebook: VoicesForChildrenFoundation

Twitter: @Voices4Children

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: ​​https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 43:   Be Kindr to You with Dr. Eva Ritvo

EP 42:   Time to Elevate MANkind with Rene Garcia

EP 37:   Global Village of Kindness with Dr. Eglee Nunez-Sancristobal

 

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00 Marly Q

As you may know, we’ve been celebrating Mental Health Awareness Month, and I’m still smiling and buzzing with energy after hosting our three day MANkind Summit last week. But mental health isn’t the only thing that I want to elevate your awareness about. May is also National Foster Care Month, and today we recognize over 1500 children in Miami Dade County foster care system and the almost 400,000 children and youth living in foster care across the US. We’re making Time to Be Kind today to express appreciation to all foster parents who open their homes and their hearts and also acknowledge the kind professionals and volunteers who do the hard work of elevating Voices for Children every day. Let’s listen. 

00:53 Marly Q

Hello and thank you for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and our special guest PARKer today. She is a super PARKer, mom, wife, friends, bubble blower, roller skating joy seeker and the President and CEO of Voices for Children. Who together with her team serve as a beacon of hope for abused, abandoned and neglected children and youth in the foster care system. Voices for Children, provides critical support for advocacy to ensure that every child has access to basic necessities, dignity items and positive experiences to help them build a brighter future. Please help me welcome to the show, Kadie Black.

01:30 Kadie Black

So happy to be here.

01:31 Marly Q  

I am so happy that you made Time to Be Kind in your super busy schedule. Thank you for carving this time out for us to have a conversation. And before we jump in, I have to say thank you to you and Voices for Children for being one of our very first supporting sponsors for the MANkind Summit. Thank you for seeing the value and investing in our mental health and helping our helpers elevate our mental health and wellness.

01:52 Kadie Black  

We are so honored and we know that the important people that are working day in and day out carry a lot of stress and vicarious trauma. And so we want to invest both in the community and also our own employees. So we were so happy to be able to partner in this way.

02:12 Marly Q  

Yeah, I am super excited and I’m already pumped for next year. So follow up conversation on how we can do more. MAN, I’m like over my man jokes, but I still have a few more days in me to throw a couple more man jokes.

02:23 Kadie Black  

Well, you guys did such a wonderful job just pulling it all together and making sure that it was relevant content for everybody to take something away and use in their daily lives. So thank you for what you guys did to pull it off and put it together.

02:38 Marly Q  

Thank you. I’m receiving that fully. Thank you. So can you tell me before we get into the super important work and sometimes very heavy work of what you do and trying to elevate that, to make sure that we feel well, is so important. And I know that you are a joy seeker. Can you tell me why spreading joy is so important to you? Roller skating, blowing bubbles. Let’s talk a little bit about what sparks your joy and why it’s so important for you.

03:03 Kadie Black  

Absolutely. So for me, it’s about living authentically me and being aligned in my purpose and my passion. And the way that I was able to do that was finding things that made me happy, finding my joy, doing that and being able to be a magnet for all the things that were meant for me. And so the way that I learned to find my joy was blowing bubbles and roller skating. Yesterday I did pottery. I went to a pottery class. And so trying new things that filled my soul just allowed me to be able to focus on the things that I love. It’s brought me to where I am able to do a lot of that professionally now as well and spread joy and bring joy and be a joy generator for others who just need a little bit of hope in their life.

03:51 Marly Q  

Joy generator. I love that. Joy generator. I love it, love it, love it. I’m like embracing it, so we can put that hat on right. I started calling myself a kindness influencer because I believe that we are all or all have the power to be a kindness influencer. And that resonated with me. When you said a joy generator, I believe we all have joy inside of us despite outward circumstances or joy is something that is always present within you and you can tap into it and generate more of that for yourself and for others. And the same goes for kindness. Do you agree?

04:23 Kadie Black  

Absolutely. And I think it’s leading with that energy and so making sure that people can see that you’re eight. Oh, wow, she can generate that for herself. I must be able to do that as well and not necessarily waiting for those things that happen to us, but really things that are making it happen for us.

04:43 Marly Q  

I love that. Can you tell us a little bit more about your work and your mission with Voices for Children? 

04:49 Kadie Black  

Absolutely. So like you had said, there are about 1500 to 1600 children in Miami Dade County’s foster care system. They come into the system because of abuse, abandonment or neglect and they are placed in foster homes, shelters, sometimes relatives who are willing to take them in for a portion of time while mom or dad can kind of figure out happening at home that’s prohibiting them from really being the parent that the children need. And just along those lines, what we see kids come into care is because of substance abuse, domestic violence and mental health, right? And all of those things really feed each other. And so a lot of the issues that in stressors end up showing themselves in a lot of that increased population of kids that come into care because stressors do inhabit or inhibit some decision making sometimes. But when parents are really reactive with their behavior, a lot of that is mental health, stressors or substance abuse, domestic violence. So those are really the root cause of why kids come into care. And we believe that every child deserves to have a voice in court than somebody to help them navigate the foster care system. So the Guardian ad Litems are the only person that is in the courtroom for the child’s best interest. We provide more than 50% of the funding needed for Miami Dade County to have 100% guardian representation for every single child. So a big part of what the voices does is make sure that every child has a Guardian ad Litem. The other thing is making sure they have their basic needs, those dignity items, those experiences that really help to expose them, to get them out of that survival mode, right? Everybody’s in this traumatic survival mode and how do we help them to kind of turn that into being able to thrive. And so that’s a lot of what we do is try to help reduce trauma. When kids come into foster care, maybe it’s a pillow that makes all the difference that they just have their own pillow. So reducing the trauma to help make sure that they’re able to heal from what’s going on in their homes.

06:57 Marly Q  

Yeah. When I think about foster care and kindness, I really do think about the little things. If you think about a child who is just being either taken away from their family or being placed into a system, how is that entrance? Is there a kind welcoming committee into this system? Probably not if it wasn’t for beautiful people like you who think about making sure that the child has the least traumatic experience while the domestic situation is being sorted out. And that there are beautiful people who are willing to open their hearts in their homes, to accept children on a temporary basis, to love and care and provide safety for them. It’s just such important work. So just want to take a moment to pause there. And it is foster care month. And part of the purpose of Foster Care Month is to elevate awareness around the needs of foster care children, right? So what would you say are some of, like you just mentioned, the simple things. What are some more things so that we can all become more aware of the actual needs of children in foster care.

07:56 Kadie Black  

Absolutely. And I think that’s a really perfect example of one of the things that we do so here at Voices, we have a comfort closet. And in that comfort closet are all of the things that are needed so that when kids do come in and often times they come in with their stuff in trash bags, that they’re able to have that dignity, right? They’re able to hold their head high when they go to their new school for the first time and they don’t have to wear a non uniform that they can just at least have that dignity. And so a lot of what we do is leveraging that within the community. So people who want to donate new stuff, right, because kids deserve new stuff, but new makeup, hair brushes, toothbrushes, toothpaste, toys. We’re about to have start ramping up her back to school. We make sure that we provide kids with a backpack and all kinds of items that they need to be able to start school off in a fresh way. And that includes we provide new shoes, we provide support for uniform, food. We also get them set up with some gift cards for food so that they can get off on the right foot. And so that does include, of course, back to school items. And I think that we’ll provide you with our link to our Amazon wish list. And for those that do feel called to help, that’s a wonderful way. We also do take donations for our comfort closet. I really believe that if you can’t adopt a child in foster care, you can foster, and if you can’t foster, you can give, and if you can’t give, you can volunteer. There are so many ways for people to show up for this population, which really is our most vulnerable population. It’s children that don’t have parents and they need all of us as the community to come together and come around them. So definitely the Back to School and some of our ongoing initiatives are ways people can get involved. We also have annual events. We have our luncheon. It’s a superhero gathering of the superheroes for kids in foster care. That’s on October 6 at the Lowe’s Coral Gables. So you can find more information about that on our website, which is “bea” and then “voice”, beavoice.org. We have a gala every year as well, so there’s lots of different ways that people can kind of get involved in our work.

10:13 Marly Q  

I love that we will definitely link all of the information in this episode’s show notes. Can you tell me something that you are the most excited about this year? I know you all have so many events coming up and programming that you do, but what are you most excited about?

10:28 Kadie Black  

So most excited about? This year we’re partnering with Blue Mission. They are a mission organization that works in Dominican Republic to lay water systems for small villages that do not have access to fresh water. And so we’re taking 20 youth in foster care to the Dominican Republic. This summer to lay water systems. For me, those experiences and being able to expose kids to different things really allows them to spark ideas of what’s possible for them and give them hope. And so, for me, the most rewarding thing out of my job is allowing those experiences to happen. So I’m really excited about the dr, but I’ll tell you very quickly, this year, we did a tour of Miami, for example. We had 40 kids on a bus, and the minute we went up the causeway on the MacArthur Causeway, all the kids went nuts, and they were like, Miss, do you see the cruise? Do you see this? Because it realized that they had never gone over the causeway. These are kids that live in our community that have never seen the cruise ship or never seen the boat or never gone over the causeway. And so I’m excited to take them out of the country. We’re getting passports and all of those things, but really, it’s exposure that we can do on a daily basis and also with our monthly experiences that I think make all the difference. To help kids just really be able to see what’s possible for themselves.

11:54 Marly Q  

Absolutely. You’re providing these positive experiences and opportunities to envision something better, in order for us to be able to grow towards a higher vision, we have to be able to have that vision. So you’re providing, through these experiences, a vision for what’s possible in the future of a child. And not only that, you’re providing them with adults and positive role models to support them in that development, which is huge. Children need a stable, responsible, kind of dependable adult that they can trust and they feel safe around. And I feel that you’re also providing that with your experiences. They absolutely make a difference. What would you say has been one of your maybe greatest challenges that you’ve had to overcome either recently or in your time with Voices for Children?

12:40 Kadie Black

Yeah, I mean, I think that, again, our frontline staff, because they do this day in and day out, the vicarious trauma of reading some of these petitions and reading about the circumstances of some of these cases is really challenging, and it’s really hard. And so I hold those kids in my prayers, and that continues to drive my desire to help and be of service in the ways that I can. But I think it’s really just knowing there’s so much suffering out there is really hard sometimes to stomach that children are going to sleep, for example, and they’re scared to sleep in their room because there are rats in their room, or they’re being exposed to predators that are in their building without being supervised. Many of those things just are very challenging. To think that kids have to have that as their daily reality.

13:32 Marly Q  

Definitely holding space for how challenging that is for the children in that situation, and for the Kind professionals and even volunteers that confront this really crucial. And I think it’s a human responsibility incumbent upon all of us to take care of our children and the most vulnerable in our society. So truly, from my heart, just thank you for the work that you and the team at Voices for Children do. Thank you to our PARKers listening for just making this Time to Be Kind and elevate your own awareness about foster care and the needs of the foster care kids. And if you are a foster parent listening, we just want to give you a big virtual hug. And just thank you for opening up again your heart and your home. And if you’re curious about fostering, you’re curious about maybe this cause compels you to want to volunteer your time, energy and resources in some way. You’ll be able to connect with Kadie and Voices for Children right after this episode with the links in our Show Notes. Kadie, is there anything else you’d like to share with our PARKers Listening?

14:32 Kadie Black  

I just think that I want to thank our donors and those that invest in Voices for Children. Because we would not be able to do this work without them believing in us. Voices believes that support should not be a privilege for kids, and so we are grateful that we get to do this work and that we get to do this work with Kind individuals who know and want to invest their time, their talents and their treasures. So we’re very appreciative of everybody who supports us.

OUTRO

I really hope you enjoyed that conversation with me and Kadie and learned a little bit more about the foster care system and how kindness can be a superpower to help elevate our children. We want to thank the servant leaders and professionals like Kadie and our team who dedicate their lives to be the Voices for Children in foster care. I want to thank you again for making Time to Be Kind today. If you appreciated this episode, let us know about it either on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, wherever you’re listening, leave a Kind comment and share it. You can be a part of Amplifying kindness worldwide. Join our KindQREW. You can find the link in this episode’s show notes as well with the link to support Voices for Children in their school supply drive. Okay, the Amazon link will be right on there. Head on over to Marlyq.com forward slash this episode number for the full transcription, show notes and links to connect. I’ll see you next time. Thanks for making Time to Be Kind.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group:  Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

 

 

Kindness is Serious Business with Paola Arencibia

How does your closet have anything to do with kindness? Join Kindness Influencer and Podcast Host, Marly Q, and wardrobe stylist, Paola Arencibia, to discuss the transformative power of fashion and how it intertwines with self-esteem and self-kindness. Paola shares her experiences in helping women revamp their wardrobes and, consequently, their outlook on themselves. She highlights the importance of owning one’s personal style and discards the societal notion of fashion being solely about the right clothes or trends. Instead, she emphasizes the emotional and mental dimensions of having “Serious Style” including feelings of comfort, confidence, and authenticity.

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

 

“If we feel that sense of ownership and we feel that sense of kindness to ourselves, we become a bit impermeable to a lot of the negativity that could be thrown our way.” ~ Paola Arencibia

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

• The clothes we wear can profoundly affect our self-esteem and the way we present ourselves to the world.
• Fashion isn’t just about the right clothes or trends—it’s about comfort, confidence, and authenticity.
• The act of detoxing your wardrobe can serve as an act of self-love and kindness, and can help to remove negative associations and emotions tied to certain clothes.
• You can take ownership of your personal style, resisting societal pressures and fashion industry norms to shape your self-image.
• Having a process and strategy for choosing your clothes can save time and reduce stress, making dressing an enjoyable, rather than overwhelming, experience.

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ
Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarlyQ
TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

About Our Guest:

Paola Arencibia is a wardrobe stylist and advocate for self-kindness through fashion. She believes in the transformative power of clothing on self-esteem and self-perception. Paola helps women revamp their wardrobes, emphasizing emotional and mental dimensions of personal style. With a focus on comfort, confidence, and authenticity, she empowers individuals to embrace their unique selves and discard societal expectations. Paola’s expertise lies in guiding others to cultivate their own “Serious Style,” redefining the way we perceive fashion and fostering inner well-being.

Connect with Paola Arencibia

Instagram: @seriousstyle_mia

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew
Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew
Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs
Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com
Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: ​​https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 17:   Be Kind to Your Skin with Beatriz “Betty” Newborn
EP 39:   But I Want to Fly with Michelle Villalobos
EP 34:   Don’t Quit on YOU with Marly Q

 

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00 Marly Q

So if you want to be taken seriously as a businesswoman, then you have to dress the part. These were some unsolicited words of advice that I received from a businessman after attending an event with some sparkly shoes. Our special guest today has a few things to say about what determines your serious style. Stay tuned! 

00:36 Marly Q

Welcome to the show! Wardrobe stylist and founder of Serious Style, Paola Arencibia, Welcome!

00:44 Paola Arencibia

Thank you for having me. It’s a pleasure to get a chance to chat with you.

00:47 Marly Q

Yes. So not just chat with me now, but you came into my home for, like, 6 hours or something like this and completely transformed not just my closet, but even the way that I look at style. So I want to dive right into our conversation because I have a little bit of trauma when it comes to styling and fashion and clothing that I opened up and I shared with you. I’ve never felt very confident with my clothes and my ability to go shopping and pick out this great outfit for myself. I’ve really always relied on my sister. I’m, like, the middle child, so I was, like, the product of hand me downs and friends who would lend me their dresses for homecoming or prom at school, and I never really had any help in this department. And now, as a businesswoman and as a, “Kindness Influencer”, I really wanted to kind of elevate that style, and I wanted to really just kind of get over all the stuff that told me that I didn’t really know how to dress myself and be stylish, right? Because those were all just, like, past experiences. And I just wanted to first say thank you for holding space for me to having shared kind of some of what has gotten in the way in the past. And you holding space with that, with kindness and also coming back, like, listen, kindness is serious business.You remember when you said that to me? 

02:09 Paola Arencibia

Yeah. Absolutely.

02:11 Marly Q

And I think I picked up a pen and I wrote it down. I’m like, Kindness is Serious Business. I wish that I would have had that phrase to respond to back when I attended an event and I was doing, like, a pitch style kind of event to pitch my business, which is to spread kindness worldwide. And this man, after I spoke, kind of came up to me and gave me unsolicited and rather I’ve found to be unkind advice. He’s like, if you want to be taken seriously as a businesswoman, then you have to dress the part. And I’m here having lunch, and he says this to me, and I’m like, Are you talking about my sparkly shoes? Are my sparkly shoes offending you? And I kind of just laughed it off. And we kept going, but that kind of stayed in my mind. So when you said to me, Kindness is Serious Business, I was like, that’s what I should have told that guy. Kindness is Serious Business, and it doesn’t mean that I have to be. So just thank you for changing my mindset on style and what it means to show up in business, like, confidently and seriously ready to show up and make an impact.

03:12 Paola Arencibia

Well, I appreciate that so much, you’re saying that. And I do want to say thank you to you because I know how vulnerable it is to allow someone into your closet and into your home and among your family. And by the way, my cat has been quiet all day and has now decided to show up. She felt the camera, so I apologize in advance for her cameo appearance.

03:34 Marly Q

She’s welcome. She’s welcome to make Time to Be kind with Marly Q. What’s your cat’s name?

03:39 Paola Arencibia

Sila.  

03:40 Marly Q

Sila, Thank you. She’s welcome. Now, I’ll keep it down.

03:42 Paola Arencibia

A lot of things came to mind when you were telling that story about somebody commenting on your shoes or just on your you thought it was about your shoes, but just commenting on your wardrobe. It’s a mixed bag. Because at the same time, it can be the kind of comment that could really be inappropriate or just not welcome in any scenario. But when it sticks with us, it does make us question things, and it really speaks to the heart of why I’m doing what I’m doing. Which is, if we feel that sense of ownership and we feel that sense of kindness to ourselves, we become a bit impermeable to a lot of the negativity that could be thrown our way. And that’s not to say that this is a cure all, but I think particularly we as women I mean, men suffer this, too, but I do specialize with women. There’s nothing that I can say that a woman doesn’t understand intuitively of how fashion, the fashion industry, clothing, our wardrobe, the way we dress, the way we walk into a room, how it affects right at the core of our self esteem and how we project ourselves and however it is that you want to dialogue with that. So, again, I’m always really appreciative when women allow me into their closets, because I know that they’re kind of, like, giving me a sneak peek into a whole history of how they have represented themselves, wanted to represent themselves. And definitely, how they talk to themselves and the kindness or the lack of kindness that we use particularly. When we’re getting dressed, how triggered we get by that little number on that tiny little tag? And how that translates to how we move through the world? So my absolute privilege in working with you and in working with all my clients is to be able to reframe it’s not really so much. It’s not the shopping. And you can attest to that, because I’d love to hear more about now that you’ve reflected on it. Not the shopping and not the getting new clothes and not getting the right clothes, but reframing it in a way so that you realize just how much ownership you have over that whole industry. That tries to that tries to get into our mind in a way that sometimes tears us down. And something else I want to say about kindness being serious business. I was reflecting on something that you mentioned because you had been with some schoolchildren when I saw you and how you have to get really firm with that in order to allow the right environment for kindness to grow. And I think the same is true with the way that we talk to ourselves. Kindness is Serious Business, but also kindness comes with a lot of discipline, and you have to be firm, but we have to be firm with ourselves. We have to say, no, I am not allowing myself to continue to talk to myself this way. I am not allowing myself to just give up and put on this shirt that I know just is, like, making me feel frumpy and is dimming my light or whatever it is. And we have to have that discipline, and we have to have that sort of firmness with ourselves first in order to be kind.

06:34 Marly Q

I so agree with you. And before meeting you and kind of going through this closet detox process with you, which did take thank you for acknowledging my vulnerability there, because it took quite a bit of courage to be like, okay, Paula, that’s really cool. You’re a wardrobe stylist. Sure, come into my house and come into my closet and let me hear your opinion on all my things that I feel not that confident about. So it did take some courage and vulnerability there. And what I loved about your process is that even for someone like me, that has a bit of an anxious tendency brain, you set me right. Like, a way to here’s how to prepare for your closet detox. Like, have an area that’s for what no longer makes you happy. Have an area for what you wish to donate. Have an area for things that are important to you or gifts, but they don’t need to be front and center in your closet anymore. And you ask questions like, how do you want to feel when you get dressed? You ask really important questions that help to, like you said, reframe how we even think about styling ourselves and our wardrobe. For me, it’s literally I have to cover my body because it’s culturally inappropriate to do otherwise. I never really put much thought into my outfits or my clothes, for example, right? Once you step into entrepreneurship and business and now your personal brand or you’re the face of your business. Kind of what you wear really does matter. And we should put probably some thought into it, but from a place of, how does this make me feel? How do I want to feel when I put on my clothes? Do I want to feel for me? The first answer I gave you was, like, comfort. It’s really important for me to feel comfortable in my clothes. It’s important for me to maybe have a little pop of color, a little quirkiness in there, but to feel that I can be comfortable and calm and confident in my own skin and in my attire. And I used to feel like I don’t really have anyone listening woman, male, non binary or otherwise, if you’ve ever had the feeling of, I don’t have anything to wear, like, you stand in your closet, and there’s, like, I don’t know, hundreds of hangers, but you’re like, I don’t know what to wear. I have nothing to wear to this event or to this thing. Paola our time together, we put together like you put together almost 40 different outfits using my clothes.

09:07 Paola Arencibia

Yeah, it was definitely a “we”, because there’s, like, an energy exchange that’s happening. If you’re into woohoo stuff, take that as woohoo as you want. But if not, I think we all know again what we’re talking about, and what I mean is to make it more explicit. For example, at the beginning, like you said, I ask you how you want to feel with some of my clients, depending on what their personal interests are or whatever, they’ll say, oh, I want to feel and look like Victoria Beckham, or I want to look like Olivia or whatever it is. That wasn’t your case. But either way, we were able, based on everyone. I just want to say about comfort, comfort is important. Comfort is a given. Okay, now this is where I want the reframe. I don’t think any woman that’s ever walked into a room and been like, I really hope when I walk in, they notice just how comfortable I am or what a good deal I got on this shirt. Again, being kind to ourselves and in valuing ourselves, we can really right away start and you know that we hit the ground winning. We put some clothes together, and right away, you’re like this. This is the buy. So where we weren’t talking necessarily about particular style icons. We were just talking about a certain buy. Then we use that to help us assess what we have. And that’s what makes it, and that’s why we’re creating it together. And that’s why, for me, while I have a process that I put in place with everybody, no two closets are the same, because what you’re embodying right now and usually my clients are in one of two places. They are in a place of transition in their lives. They’ve gone through something big, either emotionally, relationship wise, started a new career physically. They’ve lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of weight, had some physical issues that they’re going through. So that’s what I call my transition clients. And that’s really when we’re, I’m holding their hand as we’re moving through out of that phase and into this new phase, then there are my growth clients. Like, I would put you in that category where they’re in a place in their lives where things look like they’re going to be a certain way, but we are elevating. We’re really stepping into that bigger role, maybe getting a little bit more higher profile or whatever it is, and there’s a certain level of elegance and confidence that comes with that. Now, the way that looks is going to be totally up to you. We’re going to create that together. I’m going to guide you sure, based on some of my expertise and what my eye is that you’ve entrusted me. But we’re creating that together. And then you saw by the end of it, you’re going, oh, no, Paola, the jacket doesn’t go with this.And I’m like, okay, I guess I am done.

11:34 Marly Q

Those are my virgo controlling tendencies.

11:38 Paola Arencibia

I so look forward to that moment because that shows me that you’ve not recorded the rules. And that’s why the business is called Serious Style. People will meet me and they’ll be like, oh, you’re not that serious. We laugh a lot. We have a lot of fun. I try not to make the process heavy at all, but when you say look at somebody and you say they have serious style, they just know they’re styling and they’re editing what they’re wearing based on a feeling. So for me, it was really great to witness you get to that point where you knew how to edit what you were wearing based on how you were feeling. And that’s a really beautiful experience for me. So that’s why I say that we create these things together and that I appreciate that vulnerability and that openness and just that back and forth to be able to say, like, no, it’s now it’s without the jacket. Because you’re so getting intune with yourself that you’re actually better communicating to me than I can ever communicate to you what your style is.

12:31 Marly Q

Yeah, I guess that’s ownership, right? Like, I did feel by the end, and it’s silly because I’m like, I already had ownership. This is all my clothes. I just wasn’t aware that I can put them together this way and have all these different outfits with, like, one jean jacket that I own. I think it would be, like, over a dozen outfits with this one jacket. This is so exciting to me as a minimalist, as a very practical person, a very resourceful human. Having a lot of stuff is overwhelming to me. So I just feel so much better with my closet having been detoxed by you. For me, having gotten some really practical and like a strategy for how to pick out what I’m wearing so it’s so much faster. You’re saving me time, which I love. Anyone that saves me time, I love them. So as a busy mom of two, as an entrepreneur, I know that you could relate as well. And something that I found surprising was how this process of detoxing old clothes, maybe that had some either bad memories attached to it or just didn’t feel good, don’t have good feeling energy. How detoxing of that? How saying like goodbye to that is actually an act of self love and kindness.

13:40 Paola Arencibia

Absolutely. Look, one of the biggest things that’s why, as you noted in my instructions that I sent that I say, look, if there are items that you don’t want to get rid of for sentimental value, let’s designate a spot for them. I call it let’s archive them. Because if you think about, if you just spend I was working with a therapist that once gave me this exercise. It’s three minute mindfulness exercise, and it was about using a mug they use in the morning for a cup of coffee and sort of like going over like, well, how did that mug get into the house? What’s the story behind it? And the exercise actually made me cry. And it pointed out how much, like, how you do anything is the way that you do everything. And at the end of that exercise, he had said, like, you chose a mug that makes you sad and let you laugh about it now. But it was like a really weighty thing for me. So in terms of the closet, if you think about if you’re going through hanger after hanger of clothing that you feel judged by because the size is wrong or carries all these memories because they are associated with another time in your life, of course, by the time you pick that shirt, you’re exhausted and you haven’t even started the day yet. And I think that that high. And remember we talked about it because you asked me, like Paola you must be exhausted after all this time. And I said, no, I actually get like, it’s hard for me to fall asleep afterwards. And then you messaged me and you said, you’re right, you get this rush of energy.

15:05 Marly Q

I was like, what is this energy, people? PARKer’s listening. I do not have a bountiful supply of energy. After 9 PM-ish, after I put my kids to bed, I’m done. I don’t even have phone calls. I don’t check email. I don’t even respond on social media. Like, I’m just I’m done to the world after like 9:30, let’s say. And the day that we did the closet detox, I was like, just like, and I text my sisters like, this is so weird. I’m excited about clothes. Sound the alarm. This is not me.

15:36 Paola Arencibia

That’s all very real. I mean, if you think about you’re waiting through all this stuff and in the back of your mind, it’s signaling something to you, and then you have to start your day. And I love that aspect. And it was kind of like not a conscious byproduct. I mean, it was an intuitive one, providing the service that you realize that you eliminate all that judgment out of your closet and now that those clothes are serving you and what a huge act of kindness that is. 

16:04 Marly Q

Absolutely. 

16:05 Paola Arencibia

It’s the act of kindness that I get to do for a living. And to me, and the bigger picture in terms of what I offer is also to eliminate that when we go shopping. That’s why, if you notice, we were putting a list together and we were just working on the closet detox, and I still leave you with a list. For example, for my 90 day clients and my clients that go shopping with me, we don’t just walk into a store and willy nilly let trends and the department stores determine how we’re going to look and feel. We know the feeling. We’ve been through the detox. You’ve stood in front of the mirror, you’ve told me Paola no this jacket doesn’t go. We’ve done all that. You’ve had all that ownership, and it’s from that place that then we go looking for pieces that are going to serve us as opposed to, again, allowing ourselves to just feel judged and feel like we’re not skinny enough, we’re not young enough, we’re not pretty enough, we’re not trendy enough, whatever it is. And it really becomes like I think it’s just such a joyful shift in regards to something that’s really important to all of us.

17:07 Marly Q

It really is. It really is a joyful shift. I like that because I’ve never felt positive about my closet or clothes or getting dressed. There’s never been good feelings on that, literally. Like I said, I just understand that we must do this process, something that we’ve got to do. And I have a two year old who runs around my house naked all the time, and I’m like, this must be my this is obviously my offspring. Because he’s like, why clothes, mom? There’s no need. He has to learn. It’s important. And then we can look real nice and put together and look like we have some serious style. So I just really loved the process. So if you’re listening, PARKer’s, and you’re someone who like your closet or your clothes or shopping is a source of stress for you, I understand, and this is the woman that you need to connect with, because I, again, was kind of experiencing some anxiety, some stress around this, some worry. There was a little bit of shame in my own brain. I had shame tied to my clothes. And this experience was first, it was fun. It was fun, I did not expect it to be fun. I was like, oh, God, now I got to get all this stuff out of my closet and it’s going to make a mess and all this stuff and hi, it was not a mess. And in one day, you could be done with this big weight off your shoulders. And now I walked into my closet today and I was able to put on. Girl, I’ve changed outfits, like, three times today. And I was like, I can put this on, I can put that on, I know what to do, right? And I just felt, like, empowered. I felt empowered. And I’m just so grateful for that experience. I’m grateful for how you choose to be kind to others through your work, and I’m just so grateful that I got to experience it. So thank you. I am a transformed, serious styler now.

18:54 Paola Arencibia

Yes, I see it. I love it. And again, I can’t thank you enough for inviting me in. It was a wonderful experience for me as well.

OUTRO

If you enjoyed this episode of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q, then tell us about it and share. Whether you’re listening on Apple or Google or on YouTube, go ahead and leave a quick review or a comment so that we know that you enjoyed it. And it also helps to amplify our message and our mission to spread kindness worldwide. If you are not a member of our Kind QREW yet, what are you waiting for? It’s free, and the party’s waiting for you over on our private Facebook group page. Visit Marlyq.com forward slash this episode number to find the full transcription, the show notes, the links to connect with Paola and Serious style and be able to sign up to join our Kind QREW. Thank you for making this Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. I’ll see you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group:  Click here to Join Now

BeKindr to YOU with Dr. Eva Ritvo

Being kind to yourself and asking for help during challenging times is easier said than done! In a world obsessed with perfection, being brave enough to open up about our personal struggles creates authentic connections and empowers the building of a support network. Join Kindness Influencer and Podcast Host, Marly Q and award-winning pyschiatrist and author of BeKindr, Dr. Eva Ritvo, for a brief and illuminating conversation about the transformative power of kindness, vulnerability and post-traumatic growth. We’ll dive deeper on these topics at MANkind Summit, May 17-19th, 2023, join us for this historic 3-day virtual event!

Upcoming Event

 

MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023
www.mankindsummit.com

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

 

“Kindness is vital to our relationships and health. It uplifts us and makes us more optimistic about humanity.” ~ Dr. Eva Ritvo

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

• The significance of vulnerability, kindness and building a support network 
• How trauma affects us, you’ll learn about post-traumatic stress disorder and the lesser known truth about post-traumatic growth
• How embracing your needs can lead to a world of healing and positive transformation.
• The right people always show up! Trusted professionals, family, friends, and kind strangers can guide us through the darkest moments and celebrate our growth.

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ
Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarlyQ
TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

About Our Guest:

Eva Ritvo, M.D. is an international speaker, award-winning author and highly sought after psychiatrist with almost 30 years of experience practicing in Miami Beach, FL. Eva is author of multiple books including BeKindr: The Transformative Power of Kindness and the founder of BeKindr Global Movement, a non profit dedicated to fostering more kindness in the world by educating and empowering people to THINK more about kindness. She’s also the co-founder of the Bold Beauty Project, a non-profit that pairs women with disabilities with award-winning photographers & creates inspirational art shows across the US.

Connect with Dr. Eva Ritvo

BeKindr Book: To find the Book – Click here

Psychology Today Article:  Read the Article here

Linkedin: Connect with Dr. Eva Ritvo on LinkedIn

Other Links:

Upcoming Event: MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023 – www.mankindsummit.com
Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew
Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew
Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs
Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com
Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: ​​https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 01:   Overcoming Self-Doubt with Dr. Eva Ritvo
EP 03:   What makes manKIND with Dr. Eva Ritvo
EP 34:   Don’t Quit on YOU with Marly Q

 

TRANSCRIPTION:

Marly Q 00:00:00

Listen, we all go through trauma. Whether big “T” or little “t”. Chances are, if you’ve been alive long enough, you’ve been through a traumatic experience. And in today’s episode, my special guest and I invite you to think differently about trauma and practice being kinder to yourself while going through it.

Welcome, friends. Thank you so much for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and my special guest, PARKer. Today, she is a celebrity PARKer. She’s been here three times now. Dr. Eva Ritvo is one of my favorite PARKers. She’s an international speaker, an author, and a highly sought after psychiatrist with more than 25 years of experience practicing in Miami Beach, Florida. She’s also the co founder of the Bold Beauty Project, which is a nonprofit that pairs women with disabilities with award winning photographers and creates inspirational art shows all across America. And not only that, Eva is also the founder of the Be Kinder global movement, which I am sporting the shirt. So if you’re looking on YouTube, you just saw me doing that. If you’re just listening, know that I’m wearing a beautiful Be Kinder shirt that is a nonprofit and a movement dedicated to fostering more kindness in the world by educating and empowering people to think more about kindness. Welcome back to the show, Eva.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:01:28

Thank you, Marly. It’s always lovely to see you. Of course, I prefer in real life, but I guess we’re living in a virtual world now, aren’t we?

Marly Q 00:01:34

We are, but we can do a virtual hug.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:01:36

Virtual hug. Hug yourself.

Marly Q 00:01:39

We can get that oxytocin rush. Yes, do. Yes, it is. So let’s jump right into our conversation for PARKers that may be listening or joining us for the first time. Could you let us know what’s a PARKer?

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:01:53

Sure. Well, a PARKer is a person who Performs an Act of Random Kindness. And hopefully everybody who’s listening is a PARKer. And hopefully more people didn’t know the term, but they’ll start to see themselves in that way, because the way we define kindness, it can be something incredibly simple, like smiling at somebody holding a door open. When I walked home this afternoon from my luncheon, a lady was standing at the elevator and she said, you look beautiful. I almost cried. It was so sweet, right? I said, oh, that’s so nice. So just the tiniest thing can make a person feel so happy and change their mood. So that’s what we encourage with parking, is not to just think of these big acts of kindness. We’ve had another disastrous shooting. I feel like every time we’re together, Marly, it’s another horrific shooting. So my psychologist best friend’s calling me up, saying, what are you going to do? I’m like, I don’t know what to do. If I knew what to do, I would do it. But small things we do know what to do. Stop. Acknowledge people. Tell them like you do today. You look beautiful, smile. All those things make somebody a PARKer absolutely.

Marly Q 00:02:55

You hit the nail on the head. That’s exactly it. And the purpose of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and really all the work that I do as a speaker, as a leadership trainer, and a community builder, is all to really inspire and influence and unite more. PARKers right. People always say, oh, when I tell them about my mission or that I’m a kindness influencer, it’s like, oh, that’s so nice. We should have more of you in the world. Okay, so let’s right. I believe that I’m a kindness influencer. You are, and we are. And that’s really how we can create a shift in this world that I believe we desperately need. And for those of you listening, friends, I’m going to be linking in our Show Notes episode one and episode three of season one of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q, because Eva was really the spark. It was our first episode of this podcast was with you, and it was about overcoming self doubt. Do you remember that? Sure.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:03:43

But what I remember more is our luncheon when we sat together when you were not in this space and you were taking a little break and diving deep into motherhood. And I am so proud to see you back out here and balancing all aspects. It’s a hard transition to go from a single, married professional, but without children to now two active boys. And it’s great that you’re back out here doing this and trying to influence people. I think your mission has become more important over the years. It’s very sad to say that, but it seems that with the pandemic and the stress that we’re under, it’s harder for people to be kind. They’re more isolated, they’re more suspicious of other people, and therefore your mission, in my opinion, is far more important than it’s ever been.

Marly Q 00:04:27

I agree. Our mission. Our mission, because it’s yours, too. It’s yours, too. I mean, we’re both here, by the way, if you’re not watching on YouTube, both Eve and I wear twinsies today. We’re both wearing our be kinder shirt. How cute is that?

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:04:39

What’s a reminder. It’s a reminder. And the book was written, I think, with a beautiful cover. Yay. Artist Anthony Liggens designed the artwork that’s behind it. But the idea was to just to sort of keep it around and have this book around and remind yourself to be kinder. Because kindness is something that helps the recipient, but it also helps the person giving the kindness. When you say to somebody, Gee, you look beautiful, and they light up, you light up. And so the smallest act helps not just them, but also you. So trying to remind yourself that these are hard times, they’re challenging times, so we should be kinder to other people, and we also need to be kinder to ourself.

Marly Q 00:05:18

That’s usually the answer to most challenges, I think, that I’ve had in my life that I can point to. It’s like a little bit more kindness towards myself would make that situation better. And you are a constant reminder of how simple it can be to support ourselves in our own self care right. Where self care doesn’t have to become this, like, to do, but it’s really more of who do I get to be? Right. Someone that gets to be kind and caring towards yourself and your experience. And when we sat down on lunch that day, I felt like I had gone through, like, a traumatic experience becoming a mother.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:05:53

Right.

Marly Q 00:05:53

And my experience of pregnancy and birth was a little bit traumatic. And I think that we all go through different kinds of trauma, right. Whether big tea or little tea. And one of the most impactful things to me that you’ve said was that I’m here talking about kindness, but I wasn’t expressing any kindness to myself and my own journey at that time. Right. And being a little bit more, like, patient with myself and going through this transition, becoming a mom and still wanting to follow my passion and my ambition and my movement in a different way.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:06:26

Right.

Marly Q 00:06:26

You were the one that really were the spark to get me to think differently about my trauma. And that’s really what I want to talk about today, because you were our keynote speaker at the inaugural MANkind Summit last year in 2022. And for those of you that don’t know, the MANkind Summit is a signature event that I created. It’s a three day virtual event to elevate mental awareness now and put an end to the stigma surrounding mental health, making it okay to discuss what we’re going through. And if we’re in a rut and our mental health isn’t at 100, that it’s okay to talk to someone about it, whether it’s a therapist, a psychiatrist, or a friend being able to talk about it. And we created this event, which was a beautiful container where people came and were vulnerable and open, and you led an awesome session for us. That, to me, was brand new information, and I think for so many others, I wanted to bring you back on the show and hopefully give people a different perspective about trauma and growth.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:07:21

Right.

Marly Q 00:07:21

I actually want to share, like, the good news that you shared at this event was that one half to two thirds of people who experience trauma will actually grow as a result of that. Could you tell us a little bit more about this post traumatic growth theory? Give us some good news about our trauma? Sure.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:07:40

But first, let me explain the post traumatic stress disorder, because most people have heard of that, and our brains are always wired to look for danger because that keeps us alive. So anytime there’s danger, we’re going to prioritize that information. If we hear something nice, we might remember it, we might not, but our life doesn’t depend on it, so we’re less likely to remember it. So most of you have heard of post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, and that certainly can occur when you’re exposed to any kind of overwhelming stress, particularly if you feel like your life is at risk. But scientists have gone on to discover that the majority of people, practically two thirds, who experience a trauma will not develop PTSD. And in fact, they develop post traumatic growth syndrome. And for listeners out there, think back to trauma that you’ve occurred, and do you feel now that you’ve had some distance perspective? Do you feel that you have recovered and perhaps even matured and even grown through that experience? Because of our listeners, two thirds of them probably can identify with that, and maybe all of us can identify that with that with some degree of trauma, right? Depends how severe the trauma is, how close you are to it, how it’s going to impact you. But for many people, especially as you’ve used the term several times, small T trauma. And those are the small things that disrupt us. And they can be attachment issues. Somebody who doesn’t like you for a minute or gets upset with you, those can create small T traumas because humans are designed to be in very close contacts and feel very attached. And so even small things can disrupt us and feel traumatic. And if it happens again and again and again, then it can turn into a big tree trauma or big cheat trauma is what we think of when we turn on the news and we see all these weather events. Of course, shooting is the biggest tea trauma, car accidents, but people can do well even after the big T trauma. And as you mentioned earlier, one of the key fundamentals for getting through trauma is self care. When somebody has a traumatic experience, even if it’s something simple like entering motherhood, that we all do, you don’t sleep. And not sleeping is one of the hallmarks of moving towards a post traumatic stress disorder. And when you have a trauma, it’s really important to recover your ability to sleep.

Marly Q 00:10:02

It’s been so important. I didn’t sleep for seven months with my second baby. Seven months. I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. I was not well. Let’s put that shortly. I was not well and still kind of demanding of myself that I show up and I be like, super mom to the two kids and super wife and still show up in my business and putting all this pressure on myself where what I really needed was kindness and space.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:10:29

Be like, hey, can time everything? Most of us are blessed to be here for a long time, and life goes in stages. And when you bring children into the planet, it’s really a nice time to lean into that experience because it’s such a unique experience. Most women, men do it in a short, compressed time, and then they never do that again the rest of their life. So I always think it’s a very important phase. And babies are so dependent, and you can cause little T trauma with a baby, completely inadvertently, you’re just looking at your cell phone for 1 minute. And all kinds of things can happen to children if we don’t keep our eye on them. So it’s a time to really focus on being the best mom you can. And to be the best mom, you have to sleep. Because if you don’t sleep, I always say sleep is the base of the wellness pyramid. The base. Without good sleep, you really can’t do anything. And so fixing that is always the most important thing. And anybody who’s experienced trauma knows that you can’t sleep right after traumatic event, it’s very difficult to sleep. And so that’s why sometimes early intervention, even with medication, sleeping pills to restore that sleep, wake cycle can be very important. And if that prolonged period of insomnia goes on, then that’s a warning that depression or anxiety disorder or PTSD may emerge. So we always take sleep very seriously. If somebody’s had an episode, they’ve recovered. If their sleep gets disordered again, we try to rush in and fix that so that they don’t topple back into those negative pathways.

Marly Q 00:12:04

I’m actually really grateful that I went through that experience, because I never valued or prioritized rest at all in my life until I became a mom and just realized that if I don’t put that at the base of my self care, and I make sure that I get to bed, like, on time, not pass out on the couch and walk to bed at 03:00. A.m no no Netflix binging. And then walk up all tired. No. Get to bed and have a healthy sleep. Routine now, to me, is like, fundamental. And that really was a shift I needed to make for sure. At the MANkind Summit during your session, you actually led people through I think it was like a 21 questionnaire with questions that help people to think about their trauma. We specifically focused on how you’ve grown as a result of COVID-19 pandemic trauma, but it could be absolutely any trauma.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:12:55

Right.

Marly Q 00:12:56

And you identified specifically, I think, three areas where we show that we grow as a result of trauma. Can you speak to those?

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:13:03

Sure. The areas that we tend to think about growing from trauma are perspective. Right. That trauma gives us a different perspective to see life. And so oftentimes people come out of trauma with a very different value system. It’s a maturing experience. It can oftentimes stop you in your tracks and gives you time to evaluate what’s really important. So that’s a frequent area of growth is that people come out feeling more mature with their value system intact. To me, this really resonates with the COVID-19 because everybody had to stop every activity. And so so many of us haven’t picked up all of those activities, but we’re back to the ones that we value the most. So it’s a good example of having to figure out what do you value? So personally, I don’t value going to large gatherings to expose myself to that the way that I used to used to take that for granted. Now I don’t take that for granted. So I have to make sure that what I’m going to really speaks to me and makes me want to take that risk. Another change was most of us didn’t go to gyms for a while and then you have to decide exactly, you have to decide where is your value system around that? And a lot of relationships changed. People couldn’t get together as easily, so you had to make a real effort to get together. Many people prioritize their family when they hadn’t necessarily prioritized their family. They might have prioritized friends, business, social activities before. So I think it’s really important for every listener, you know, every listener’s had a trauma because we all went through the pandemic together. So every listener can take a few minutes afterwards and think about how did their value system change from before the pandemic till now. And that’s an area where you often see growth. Another area is like we’ve talked about, self care. So when you have a trauma, you’re usually knocked off your feet, either psychologically or physically and you have to rebuild. And so many people, we use this as a time to improve self care and we also call that self love, right? And so figuring out if you’ve been through something traumatic, how can you heal? For you with a motherhood, you clearly had to sleep. For some other people it’s not quite as obvious. For many people, they don’t choose good nutrition. And so a trauma will be an opportunity for them to connect to their body in a different way and be able to say, wait, actually food is an opportunity to nourish my body and how can I make choices that sustain a healthy body? And so that can be a very positive change. And another area that people oftentimes change after trauma is recreational drug use and trying to be their optimal self and take a break from society. It can be a good time to stop drinking, a good time to stop using marijuana or if you were using anything more serious. So you’ll see, a lot of people will emerge from trauma as part of their new value system. Valuing their health, valuing their nutrition, what they put in their body, valuing their body more, that there’s a real opportunity for growth there. Relationships also change with trauma. What most people find is that when there is a large trauma, some of your support system will back away and some of it will step up. And it’s not always the ones that you expect. So again, when you entered into motherhood, certain people probably helped you more than you expected and others that you thought might be helpful. Maybe they just didn’t know what to do. They didn’t know what to say. They backed away a little bit. So finding out who your support network is, finding out who you can really rely and trust, is another opportunity for growth, for trauma. And again, every listener altered their support system, I’m pretty sure, during this pandemic. And so you can think back to where did you invest your time and efforts in terms of relationships before the pandemic? What sustained you in whatever was your hardest part of the pandemic? For most people that was the beginning part, for some it was later if they got sick or they lost loved ones through this pandemic. But think about who nurtured and supported you and make sure that you appropriately value those relationships.

Marly Q 00:17:10

Absolutely. And including yourself in that.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:17:13

Right.

Marly Q 00:17:13

So including yourself as your number one support system, because not everybody has the privilege, for example, that I have of my family, right. Both of my parents are still alive. My in laws are still alive. My kids have both sets of grandparents. I didn’t grow up with grandparents. Right. So and I know so many other people maybe don’t grow up with their parents or grandparents, not close or siblings.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:17:36

Right.

Marly Q 00:17:36

And you have to rely on other people in your support system. But ultimately I am responsible to support myself and my well being. Right. And I take responsibility for that from the sense of I am able to respond to my needs through this trauma.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:17:53

Right.

Marly Q 00:17:53

Can you speak a little bit to how we can be kinder to ourselves while we’re in the trauma, while we’re going through it?

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:18:01

Well, it can be very hard when you’re in trauma because your brain might be in shock. Oftentimes with trauma we’re in shock for a while and so it is hard to rely on yourself. And again, it depends how large the trauma is. So every time we see one of these huge disasters, you always see community rushing in. And that’s really necessary in the early stages of trauma because you can’t really think very well. And then after that initial shock, if you don’t start to sleep, then it’s also hard to think very well. So community support is very important in the initial phases of trauma. After that initial phase, then as adults it is our responsibility to care for ourselves. As children, it is not. And that’s the biggest difference between childhood and adulthood. And the transition from childhood to adulthood is gradual, but by a certain age, hopefully we would transition and then correct, we’re responsible for ourself. And it’s very important to take the time to care for yourself. As kindness experts, we’re all in favor of kindness, but kindness can go too far. The simple book that I use a simple example I use in this book is my nephew, who’s such a kind, dear soul, that he was a star baseball player in high school and he wanted to go donate blood. So he donated his blood. And then the woman said to him, wow, you’re such a strong guy, would you be willing to stay and donate again? So my brother, my nephew called my sister who’s a doctor, she didn’t pick up. So he said, sure, he didn’t know, he’s a kind guy. So he donated again immediately. And then what happened is he went to the baseball field and of course was unwell and couldn’t play. So he ended up letting his team down. And it’s just a simple example how that was too much kindness, or maybe not. Maybe that second pint of blood saved somebody’s life and it was the appropriate decision. But we always do have to take into equation ourself. And then if we’re not kind to ourself, who are we going to let down the line? So his immediate sure, I’ll be kind had a ripple effect that wasn’t necessary, the effect that he wanted. And we always have to think about that because as adults again, we have to be responsible for ourself. We don’t have to be responsible for other people unless there are children we may elect to because it makes us feel good and it makes them feel good. But we have to carefully weigh the costs and benefits and we have to take care of ourself because no one else can step in and do that. You may have a lovely husband at home who, if you’re sick, can bring you soup, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to know. You feel unwell and you need to call your doctor or it’s you who says, well, I know this isn’t that serious, but I know that if I rest, I’ll be fine. So it’s really important to know yourself, know how you can feel optimal and then work to achieve that. And for everybody it’s different. For me, the mental health of getting out every day and walking is vital. Integrating a daily, if possible, yoga practice is vital and getting sleep. And then if I can accomplish all those, then I’m perfectly happy to come to work and help people all day and, as you mentioned, have my other adventures, which are so wonderful. But if I don’t sleep well, then I’m not going to be in very good shape to help anybody else.

Marly Q 00:21:15

It could be balance. That balance. And I think that awareness, right, is what you’re speaking to is having the awareness of what your needs are to support yourself on a daily basis and especially while you’re going through trauma, right? If you’re not willing to just be aware of what’s going on with you and actually rely on right, let’s speak to the power of actually asking for help while you’re experiencing a trauma. Right. Because if you’re going to rely on your community and other people, you got to let them know what’s going on. Right?

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:21:48

Well, that’s that word vulnerability. Right. And we’re raised in this stiff upper lip society where everything’s fine. I think that’s changed a lot with the instagram. But you have to go to that place of being vulnerable and depending on your childhood, that can be scary. If you had wonderful mother and father and it was easy to ask for help, well, that’s great, but not everybody has that. And so for some people, it can be very scary because their experiences haven’t been positive in the past. But we all are going to need help at some point, so we’re going to have to take that risk. But you want to take it in a calculated way. So, for example, Marly, I know you very well, I trust you, I love you. And I know that I could call you at any time and say, Marly, I’ve got an issue, help me through it. So it’s about building that support network over time, so that when you do get in that crisis, you don’t have to build that support network anew that you have people you can rely on. But at the same time, I know from going through a divorce, unexpected people helped me and people that I didn’t know very well helped me. So you want to stay open to that. In fact, that’s what I dedicated this book to with a very dear friend. Well, he became a friend, but he had interviewed me the way you’re interviewing me now, right when I was getting divorced. And I didn’t know him. And at the end of the interview, he said, do you want to stay online and talk a little? And he started asking me questions. And then I went and I told him everything and he said, well, you seem like a very lovely woman. If you ever want to talk again, I’m here for you. And then for the next year and a half, two years, he was talking to me all the time and coaching me out of this situation I was in with simple statements, positive statements. It was an amazing friendship that developed from a complete stranger at my most vulnerable time. So, one, build support networks. But two, stay open because you never know who’s going to show up. And you and I believe that we live in an ultimately good universe and the right people will show up and the right people will help us. But we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to show we have a need. And then receive. Receive is important as giving.

Marly Q 00:23:59

Yes, I hope I’m giving you a standing ovation. I’m not clapping because I’ll make the sound go crazy and my team will hate me. But yes, this is the message, friends. And the good news is that human beings are designed to be resilient and we’re designed with this growth potential. So I wanted this episode to give people a little spark of hope and really maybe a new perspective or a new way of thinking about trauma. Big T, little t, whatever it is that you might be going through currently or in the past that is still weighing on you, being able to see that with a different perspective and actually taking the pause to ask yourself some of these questions. I know that everybody that participated at the MANkind Summit really received a lot from that session. I’m so grateful. And I’m excited to invite people to this year’s MANkind Summit because it’s coming up May 17 through the 19th. The purpose, again, of this event is to elevate mental Awareness now. They didn’t catch that. That’s an acronym, by the way.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:24:59

Man.

Marly Q 00:25:00

Man in the MANkind Summit stands for Mental Awareness Now, because I believe that sometimes all we need is this little spark to elevate our mental awareness now so that we can actually take stock of how we’re feeling, how we’re doing what we need in order to support ourselves through trauma or through everyday life. Right. That isn’t easy for any of us.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:25:20

Right? And now, just to remind everybody, that’s all we have. We always only have now. And we get really caught up with the past, and we get caught up about the worries about the future. And it’s so important to focus on the now. How am I feeling right now? And how can I feel better right now? Because that’s actually where we live. And so I applaud you for doing this again. It was a really hard time to start in the pandemic. Things have gotten easier, and I hope people will come and share again. And I don’t think we could do a piece on post traumatic growth without mentioning our very dear friend Carrie grueson. Marly and I share a wonderful friendship with Carrie grueson, who I think is the best example of post traumatic growth. She has overcome so much. I have an article that I wrote about her in Psychology Today that I love, so maybe you can link that too. I just wanted to mention thank you to Carrie for teaching me so much and Marly for teaching me so much and being a constant reminder to focus on kindness both to oneself and to the dear community that we have created. And hopefully that can ripple out to a broader and broader community as people join all your initiatives.

Marly Q 00:26:28

Oh, my goodness. Thank you. I have no words. I’m just smiling and in just gratitude. Thank you so much for making time to be kind again. I know you’re such a busy woman, always helping other people. Your calendar is always booked with your clients and your people, and you still always answer the call to be kind. I’m so grateful for you. Thank you.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:26:50

Well, I always want to answer your call, and I will say. That my daughter this year has gotten me for 2023 to schedule in my yoga, so that I’m actually taking care of myself as I try to take care of other people. So thank you to my daughter for helping me make that change and hope listeners out there also will know to prioritize themselves whether it comes to sleep, nutrition, exercise, avoiding toxins, being around people that you love, listening to stimulating podcasts, choosing wisely so that you can have your optimal life.

Marly Q 00:27:23

Yes, I love it. Thank you for being part of my Kind crew. I hope that you will answer the call next time when I invite you again, because I know there’s so much more that we can talk about.

Dr. Eva Ritvo 00:27:32

Always look forward to it, Marly. Thank you so much. And thank you, listeners wishing you a life filled with kindness.

Marly Q 00:27:38

I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. I’m still smiling, and I just can’t wait to have Dr. Eva Rivel back on our show. If you are interested in learning more and connecting with her directly, all you need to do is visit Marlyq.com, this episode number and make sure, while you’re there, to click the link to register for our second annual MANkind Summit. You and your team at work or your family, you don’t want to miss this. It is a one of a kind experience, a three day virtual event where we’re going to elevate our mental awareness now and really take home practical tips, practical practices that we can actually implement into our life, to elevate our wellness on a daily basis. Thank you for making this time with me today. See you next time.

Upcoming Event

 

MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023
www.mankindsummit.com

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group:  Click here to Join Now

 

Time to elevate MANkind

Mental health is an important issue that affects us all, and we need to start taking it seriously. In this episode, Kindness Influencer and Podcast Host, Marly Q, plus special guest, former Senator Rene Garcia and Miami Dade County Commissioner for District 13, share personal experiences with mental health struggles and highlights the need for accessible and affordable mental health services. It’s time to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness and make it accessible to everyone, regardless of their financial situation. Join us in raising awareness and let’s work together to create a world where mental health is a priority for all mankind!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Upcoming Event

 

MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023
www.mankindsummit.com

 

“We all are one crisis away from a mental health breakdown and must do a much better job as a community in providing resources.” ~ Rene Garcia

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

• How Marly Q teamed up with former State Senator and local government official to host the MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023, and why you should attend! 
• The shocking truth about the easiest (and hardest) way access to mental health services
• How having a standard of kindness can lead to a successful career
• 3 keys that have sustained a 20+ year long career in politics
• Simple ways to elevate your mental health & wellness every day, no matter how busy you are!

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ
Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarlyQ
TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

About Our Guest:

Rene Garcia is a former Florida State Senator and Miami Dade Board of County Commissioners for District 13. He is a passionate advocate for mental health awareness and accessibility. Rene emphasizes the need for accessible and affordable mental health services.

Connect with Senator Rene Garcia

Instagram: @senrenegarciafl
Facebook: SenReneGarciaFL
Twiiter: @SenReneGarciaFL
Website: miamidade.gov/district13

Other Links:

Upcoming Event: MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023 – www.mankindsummit.com
Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew
Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew
Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs
Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com
Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: ​​https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 34: Don’t Quit on YOU with Marly Q
EP 15:  Planting Seeds of Kindness with Marlon Hill
EP 10: Looking Over the Edge with Caroline De Posada

 

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00 Marly Q

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and you are invited to our second annual MANkind Summit, May 17th through the 19th, 2023. The purpose of this three day virtual event is to elevate our Mental Awareness Now (MAN) and bring an end to the stigma surrounding mental health. And in today’s episode, we’re spending time with the first MAN who said yes to supporting the MANkind Summit. Stay tuned.

00:39 Marly Q

Welcome, and thank you for making Time to Be Kind today with me and our special guest, PARKer today. He’s the former Florida State Senator and Miami Dade Board of County Commissioners for District 13, Rene Garcia. Welcome to the show.

00:55 Rene Garcia

Thank you, Marly Q. It’s always great to see you and be here with you.

00:58 Marly Q

Oh, my goodness. Thank you. So before we dive in, Senator, can you tell our PARKers listening, in case you’re new to Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and our world? What’s a PARKer? Do you remember what a PARKer is?

01:11 Rene Garcia

PARKer is a person Performing Acts of Random Kindness.

01:14 Marly Q

You got it. I was putting you on the spot. I put all of my guests on the spot to remind you and our PARKers listening. You know really, the purpose of this podcast is to inspire and influence and unite more PARKers in this world, people that Perform Acts of Random Kindness, just like you and me. Whether your title is senator or commissioner or mom or teacher or lawyer or banker or retiree or student, whoever, you are listening, if you are a person that Performs Acts of Random Kindness, you are part of our movement and our mission to create a kinder world. And I’m so happy to be joined here today with Senator Rene Garcia, because he was the first person to say yes to this vision and this mission to work together and collaborate with our local government to spark some more Mental Awareness Now. And you know, that’s an acronym. I’m dropping another acronym for you. Mental Awareness Now is the acronym for MANkind Summit, and that’s the purpose of the event. So, Senator, can you tell us how important is it to elevate our Mental Awareness Now and put an end to the stigma surrounding mental health?

02:25 Rene Garcia

Wow. That’s a loaded question. Right? Because there’s so many issues around mental health. And I think I’ve always said that all of us, every single person, is one crisis away from having a mental episode to having a mental breakdown. I really do believe that. And this is why it’s so important for all of us to take this issue very seriously. We should not treat mental illness any different than any other condition that we have, any disease or condition. We should really treat that with the most respect that we do in every other condition. So this is why it’s important for us to be able to have these conversations and let people know that it’s okay if you’re having a challenging moment in your life, if you’re going through some difficult times, it’s always okay to speak to someone. And for far too often, our society, and especially within my own family, we hide away from our problems, sweep them under the rug, right? And we try to deal with it on our own, and there’s no reason to do that. We see a lot of money being invested at the federal and state level for a lot of mental health programs and trying to get folks to understand that it’s okay to talk to someone. And this is why I try to do my part here in Miami Dade County. Try and I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s try to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness, because if we continue to have that stigma around, it’s just going to make it more and more difficult for people to actually access mental health services.

03:45 Marly Q

Absolutely. And that’s why I’m so grateful as soon as I share just my vision and my intention to create an event or a container where we can not just unite people and educate or teach and empower and have this “Rah, Rah” Good. One time event. But really create something that’s a spark to some real changes in the way that we address our own mental health and with each other and something that starts a ripple effect long after the event. So I just want to publicly thank you again for being that first spark for us and continuing to support our efforts.

04:19 Rene Garcia

You don’t have to thank me. I need to thank you. I think this community owes you a debt of gratitude for the effort that you’re doing not only around PARKing, but along the MANkind Summit and making sure that we do bring attention to Mental Health Awareness in our community. Look, I, for one, did a lot in the mental health space when I was in Tallahassee and I was a state legislator, both in the House and in the Senate. We wrote all the laws. We give people long door access to mental health services. If you enter the system, then you should come out with the slew of different services and referrals to make sure you know where you go after and to help not only the individual suffering from mental illness or having an episode, but make sure that the family has a resource available to them. Marly, I’ll tell you, all those things that I did in Tallahassee I thought were great. I come back to Miami, and I see the gaps in the services. I see the gaps that the laws that I create, that I help write in Tallahassee where there missing. We apply them to everyone’s regular day. And look, one of the things that I learned, the the most most important thing that I learned is that the easiest way to access mental health services is to the criminal justice system. That means you have to commit a crime in order to access mental health services. That should not be the case. There’s hundreds of families, thousands of families who have children, brothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters who are suffering from a mental health illness for many years but have never committed a crime. And for those families, it’s very difficult to understand and how to access the system. It’s not right. And then the other component of it is, if you have Medicaid, you usually have access to certain services. If you’re rich, you can afford it. But then the middle class is the one that gets completely squeezed and they just cannot afford those services. And I tell you this, why, never in a million years did I think after I was writing all these laws, that this year I was going to have to be dealing with that with a family member of mine. And everything happens. God uses us in very different ways. And while it was very challenging for me and for my family starting maybe last October I’m sorry, august of last year through now I kind of see it as a godsend because I realize now how difficult and how hard it is for families to access the system to the point where they charge us, thank God, about $20,000 for three weeks for services. Who can afford that right now? And it’s very difficult. And those families that really are trying to help their loved ones mortgage your homes and mortgage whatever properties they have to try to get them those services. But what happens to those that can’t? And if you don’t qualify for the Medicaid services, then you’re not going to be able to access a system. And now it’s my charge to try to help that, to make sure that we do have a system that’s fair and equitable, that people can access.

07:18 Marly Q

I want to shift the conversation towards your own mental health. You’ve been in politics in this political field that’s a high stress environment for over 20 years. How do you manage your own mental health? Because there’s a difference between mental illness and mental health. Right. And trying to elevate our own mental health is a daily practice, right? How do you take care of your mental health?

07:39 Rene Garcia

One of the things where I find it very relaxing is and is being next to the water. I enjoy being around the water, whether it’s a lake and I would love to say a waterfall, but we don’t have waterfalls here in Miami. Or the ocean. And I realize every time I go out to Miami Beach I realize how much I miss just sitting on the beach for an hour or two. And I used to try to do that on a regular basis and just be alone with myself and my thoughts. And for me, my creator, my God, when you’re doing that. And that is where I find the most peace and comfort. When I can spend some quality time alone time and finding a place where you can feel comfortable and at peace with yourself. And that’s what I have been, what I did for many years. Now, being back down here. When I was in Tallahassee, I would find that there was a lake, Lake Ella that I would go to all the time when I needed a break because the stresses of life get to you and especially the stresses of politics, especially when you’re in the heat of things. But now, here we have a lake. Actually, now we have a lake back here that sometimes I’ll just stare out the window, just look at the lake and find the serenity and the peace in the lake. And in Miami lakes, there’s a couple of lakes that I really enjoy sitting on the ground and fighting some alone and peacetime. And that really helps for me. That is what helps me. That’s just how I find the comfort in my mental wellness to ensure that. Because at the end of the day, we all have the stresses of life. I don’t care how young or how old you are. Apparently, now that you get a little older, you realize that the older you get, the more complicated things get. And you can’t yearn for a, Whoa, I wish I was back in my 20s or 30s. 40s. I’m getting up to my getting close to my 50s. We can’t yearn for it. We can’t live in the past. We have to understand these are the circumstances that I have today and learn to deal with them. And I think when you have that alone time when you could figure out what you need to do and focus on your time and your own mental wellness.

09:28 Marly Q

Absolutely. I would imagine that in politics, you said when you’re in the heat of it, sometimes it’s hard to remember, like, hey, to respond instead of reacting, right? I could imagine that that’s difficult. So when we’re talking about kindness, how has having this standard and value of kindness that I know you have, how has that helped you in your career?

09:50 Rene Garcia

In this game? Everyone says you have to fight fire with fire. Some folks have never understood my style of legislating or politics or negotiating, because if they’re anything I’m negotiating, it’s a compromise back and forth. But I have found for me, what has worked is through honesty, compassion, and empathy. And when you put all that together, that’s where kindness comes from. And understand when you’re negotiating with someone or you’re having a debate with someone, what I try to do is put my feet in their shoes, trying to put myself in their own shoes, right? To figure out where is it that they’re coming from? And if they’re being aggressive and if they’re being mean spirited, trying to figure out where is it that they’re coming from, why are they acting the way they are acting with me? And then if I can figure that out, then I can try to nip it at the bud right there and then explain to them, listen, that’s not who I am. This is what I’m trying to do. And where I have been successful in at least through the eyes of others. In Tallahassee, when I was in legislature, I was always pretty upfront with people. This is who I am. This is what I’m working on. This is where I’m trying to go. While other people’s politics, that’s not always the case. I think some folks at the beginning didn’t understand me, but I’ll tell you this, one of the best moments of my political life in Tallahassee was the moment that I left the Senate and people come up and applaud you, and they say great things about you. But the one thing that I took back from that was that everyone said, a lot of people are saying, Rene, you’re always an honest guy. We didn’t have to worry about when you got up and testified. We didn’t have to worry when you get up on the Senate floor, both the Republicans and Democrats, we knew where you were coming from. So to me, that meant a lot. And I think that’s why every day, every night, I get put my head on the pillow and sleep comfortable, because I know that I’m trying to do the right thing for the right reasons and not trying to go after anyone.

11:47 Marly Q

Yes. That’ll make for a nice, healthy career no matter what industry you’re in, I think, right? Being able to have a standard of kindness towards how we interact with each other. And I know that in today’s political climate, it’s so and cancel culture. It’s so easy to forget that or just to not have that in place, even on social media, right?  We’re living in a place where it’s just you disagree with someone, and all of a sudden you’re canceled or you’re banned or you’re blocked. And that’s just not the way that progress is made, right?

12:20 Rene Garcia

Yeah. That’s one way to look at and with social media at the beginning, I said at the beginning, I’ve been on social media for quite some time. When I was in the house. But the last couple of years, you start following a little bit more and more and more. And there was a time that I would get so frustrated with some of the negative comments in social media, and I want to respond. And I realized, wait a minute, that’s a whole different world out there. Whoever saying these negative things about me, they have no idea who I am. Especially in particular, coming down to Miami Dade County, local politics. Local politics, it’s where the rubber meets the road. When you’re in Tallahassee, you’re able to escape. When you’re in Washington DC, you’re able to have a step away, removed from the public. But when you’re down here at the local level, it’s a contact sport constantly. And I’ll tell you a perfect example. The other day, I put a tweet about the importance of protecting the Everglades, and I’m out there in front of a crane that they’re doing a project to help the Everglades, right? And someone tweeted, oh, you guys are all you’re into development. Developments? You have no idea. You obviously did not read the tweet that I put out of protecting the environment at an event to protect the environment, but yet you want to criticize me and say that this is all about development. And it’s quite the opposite. So at that point, I thought we’d respond. How dare they? Why respond? You can’t argue against stupid. You really can’t. And this is what happens in the social media world. People are going to say, whatever. They hide behind their tweets, they hide behind their posts. And the truth of the matter is that’s just the universe out there that doesn’t affect me anymore, does not touch me, doesn’t affect me anymore. What affects me is the personal, interpersonal relationships that I have with individuals. Those people that know me on a one to one basis, they know who I am, where I stand, and what I stand for. All those other folks. I would encourage people to take the time to get to know everyone or get the time to know me and you’ll know who I am and what I’m all about. So it’s not even about a party. Party or not, where you live, ethnicity doesn’t matter. We all have something to contribute, something to offer. I think it’s important for us, before you start to criticize, take the time to know who that person is and where they’re coming from.

14:35 Marly Q

Absolutely. That’s why we’re making time to be kind with Marly Q right here, right? Sometimes. Really! Because sometimes we have. And I think it happened last year at our MANkind summit as well. I remember hearing feedback from the audience when you spoke, how grateful they were to be able to hear from a, quote, career politician in a refreshing way. Because sometimes in, again, the state of the world that we’re living in, sometimes you hear that some of the politician, and immediately you have judgment about that. Immediately you have a wall that comes up. Immediately you’re either dismissing it or you put them in the left or in the right or not anywhere. Instead of really making the time to listen, ask some questions, meaningfully connect, see if there’s an alignment and how you can collaborate. I mean, in a nutshell, that’s how you and I are working together, actually, to bring it back to the story that did bring us together. It was an act of kindness, right? How did we meet? Do you remember?

15:37 Rene Garcia

How we met? I think it was through Kadie Black.

15:42 Marly Q

Yes. A fellow PARKer.

15:47 Rene Garcia

Kadie. I love Kadie.

15:48 Marly Q

Shout out to Kadie CEO Voices for Children. Shout out and thank her for her kindness, right? Because she was meeting with you, and in whatever you were talking about, she’s like, hey, you need to connect with Marly Q. She’s about kindness. You all are aligned. That one spark of kindness, that one introduction led to us doing a Facebook Live to celebrate random acts of kindness. Last year, one this year again. And we’re collaborating on an event that is aligned with both of our agendas, so to speak, right? Which is, let’s elevate our mental health. Let’s set each other up to thrive as one humankind, as one MANkind, and really share with each other a space at the MANkind Summit. It’s a three day space, a container to join us leaders, your teams, to come on in and receive. It’s not just learning about mental health and ways to actually elevate your mental health on a daily basis, but you have the opportunity to meaningfully connect with other people. And we have lost so much connection. We have lost so much real kindness, I believe, because of the pandemic and having to be kind of isolated and quarantined and kind of just focused on your own, right? And there’s studies like science shows that as anxiety increases, which all of our anxiety levels have increased over the past couple of years, and as anxiety increases, our ability to empathize with others decreases. Because it makes sense. The more focused I am on what’s going on with me and my problems, the less resource and capacity I have to care about what’s going on with you and why it’s so important to make time to be kind to yourself, right? So can we speak to the importance of that, of making time to be kind to yourself, to each other? What are your thoughts on that?

17:35 Rene Garcia

Actually, going back to the thoughts of the view that we have for political leaders, you can’t blame people, right? Because the political environment that we live nowadays is so toxic and so partisan and so difficult. But I’ll tell you, most of the people that run for office, they’re good people that want to try to do the right thing. I’ll tell you, some people go a different direction, like a lot of you, and then you ask yourself, Why are you doing this? But I’m a firm believer in public service and trying to help others. And we have lost, unfortunately, we have lost the empathetic nature of humans, of us as individuals, and we have to try to find a way to restore that, to find the empathy in society. Find the empathy, try to put yourselves in someone else’s shoes, understand where they’re coming from. Compassion is a little bit different. I think empathy is a much more powerful feeling that we can start using and educating individuals as to what it is to be empathetic. And you’re right to be kind, not only being kind to others, but being kind to yourself as well. That’s something that I’ve struggled with while I realize that in order for me to be able to help others, I have to help myself. We hear that all the time. And you could be as nice as you want, but if you’re not nice to yourself and take care of yourself and take care of your mental health, your physical health and your spiritual health, then you might as well not do. You’re not going to be able to do what you need to do.

19:04 Marly Q

You’re going to burn out.

19:05 Rene Garcia

Yeah. And this is where I’m trying to now refocus. The last couple of months, I’ve been struggling a little bit with my physical health. Then I realize I’m struggling with my physical health and I realize, well, I haven’t been praying as much as I’m a big believer, I’m Catholic and I believe in God and Jesus is my savior, trying to push my religion anywhat, but that’s just what I believe in. And even the last couple of months I realized that because I haven’t been paying attention to myself both on my spiritual, mental and physical health. Everything’s been a little chaotic and I need to start bringing that back and start praying again at night, start walking again in the morning, start working out and start reading again. I stopped reading in the evenings or in the mornings or the afternoons. I am not gonna lie to you. I haven’t always been a big reader, but I know that is very good for my mental health to be able to read and turn off the TV, turn off the radio, and just fall into a book. So those are the things that I’m trying to do, trying to learn another language. I know I just now starting to register for French lessons I started doing and I let that go. But those are little things that I can do to take care of myself and things that I find joy and happiness in. And in turn, when you are happy and you’re joyful and it emanates and that comes out to the rest of the people around you. So this is why I do think I agreed with you 100%. Again, easier said than done, Marly, about taking care of yourself. But it’s important to do it and find those little things that make you happy. This is why I tell folks the walking in the mornings, for me it’s uplifting. It’s great for your physical health, your mental health, even your spiritual health. Just for me, I get up in the morning instead of snoozing, get up, move, get moving, go outside, go outdoors and walk. And I don’t necessarily walk with the EarPods. I know everyone does that. I’d like to hear the birds chirping or the cars on the road and I’m able to be with my thoughts and that helps me throughout my day. And again, I backed away from that the last month and a half of that, the two months. But I’m going to start that up, God willing, tomorrow, again, tomorrow, Sunday, and just go forward on and try to keep that as part of my consistent part of my life.

21:14 Marly Q

So I love that you shared that. Thank you for the honesty and the authenticity and the vulnerability. Thank you. These are all things that we highlight and amplify at our MANkind Summit, by the way. Having that be normalized and appreciated and hold the space for people to be honest, that it is hard to especially be a servant leader or a mom of two or an entrepreneur or a business owner or a full time working professional or a teacher. Whatever it is that you are doing, it’s hard to balance, right? Everyone’s trying to seek this like work life balance. And really, I’m here to tell you friends, the only thing that you can balance is your brain, right? You can balance your nervous system and to help elevate your mental health and stress less so that you can come and confront all the things that you have to do and get through them in the best way possible with the best energy. Because we are always going to fall off the track of our self care, right? But how are you treating yourself when you fall off the track? Are you treating yourself with kindness? Being like, hey, listen, cut you some slack. I’ve been traveling, I’ve been this, I’ve been that, like, I haven’t done my weeks, my daily walks, I haven’t been reading the Bible as much as I’d like, I haven’t been doing this or that. But instead of beating ourselves up with that, just kind of having mindful awareness, right?

22:38 Rene Garcia

Well, that’s a good word. Mindful awareness is the way to do it. You’re absolutely right because I always try to beat myself up. Rene, What are you doing? You’re being a hypocrite to your cause about healthy living. You’re being a hypocrite to your cause about hope and helping others. But the reality is that you’re right. It’s mindful awareness and I realize it and it’s incumbent upon me to try to get back on track. Correct? So I’m going to do it.

23:00 Marly Q

That’s it. We are responsible for our own mental health. I say this over and over, I am responsible and all that means, even when I fall off the track or I didn’t like this week, I went to the gym four times a week instead of five times a week, right? Which, by the way, I’m bragging because at the last MANkind Summit, I said that that was one of my goals, right? To get back into the gym. To get strong and I am celebrating eleven weeks of consistency at the gym.

23:26 Rene Garcia

That’s the way to do it. That’s awesome.

23:29 Marly Q

But I will be honest, when I launched the MANkind Summit last year, I was not taking care of my physical body in that way, right? It became a goal that day. And thanks to kindness, connection, community and accountability, I’ve been on that track. And when I fall off, I get lifted back up on track or kindly reminded on track. It’s not this like beating down, right? Like, you didn’t do it, you suck, you’re terrible. No, not at all. So, to wrap up our conversation, why should someone listening, your leaders, your teams, why should we make time to be kind and attend the MANkind Summit?

24:08 Rene Garcia

At the end of the day, I think it’s important that MANkind Summit, I love all the information that we get and the authenticity that you said of these speakers and having people come together and share different thoughts and ideas. Look, we’re all very different and we all have different things that motivate us, and I think at the MANkind Summit it’s a great way to see what everyone else is going through and realize that you’re not alone. You have someone like me, senator, former senator, county Commissioner now that people say, oh, he has no problems, and I have a lot of problems, and I have to learn how to manage it. And just because you have a title or you have an office, doesn’t mean that your life is just great. So I think it’s important for us to understand that we all have struggles, we all have to deal with issues, and it’s how we deal with them and how we treat others as we’re going through that process. And this is why at the MANkind Summit, what I love about it is that we can learn from one another. I think it’s one of these unique forms that we have, these conversations. Even if you’re not talking, but just listening to what everyone else is going through. It’s not necessarily a negative things, positive things that are happening in your life too, that uplift you, bring you up and motivate you to keep out, to move forward. There’s just a lot of things that happen and you hear the MANkind Summit, and this is why I get excited about it. So I had no problem at the beginning. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. By you yourself, following your lead and seeing your spirit and seeing your enthusiasm and that beautiful smile that you have and what emanates from you, it’s just nothing but positivity. And the world needs a lot more of that. And this is why I’m excited to be here with you and whatever I can do to help you as you move forward in promoting kindness and love and empathy. When you use that word, to me, that’s a big word, promoting that that’s what this world needs just a little bit more of because times a little tough. But because the world is tough doesn’t mean that we have to be that way too. It’s incumbent upon all of us to fight against that darkness and be the light out in the world. And that’s what you are, Marly.

26:10 Marly Q

Oh, thank you so much. That’s such a beacon of hope. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. We’ll see you real soon.

26:19 Rene Garcia

Absolutely, Marly. Take care of yourself.

OUTRO

I know you enjoyed that conversation with me and Senator Rene Garcia. Now it’s time to not just celebrate Mental Health Awareness Month with a meme or a nice post, but really, really participate in a meaningful and impactful way. Join us at our second annual MANkind Summit, May 17 through the 19th. You can find all of the details in this episode show Notes @ MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number. Again for full transcription, show notes and the links to connect with Senator Rene Garcia and his team at Miami Dade County, go ahead and visit Marlyq.com forward slash this episode number. Thank you for making the Time to Be Kind. See you next time.

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MANkind Summit May 17-19, 2023
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