Category: Podcast

The King of Kindness with Marly Q

Have you ever met someone who embodies kindness so effortlessly that you can’t help but feel inspired?

Well today is your lucky day because we get to meet and spend time with Patrick Morris who is often referred to as the King of Kindness!

Tune into this short episode, to be inspired by our friend Pat as he shares his experiences and insights on what it takes to create a kinder world, and how we can all contribute as “PARKers” in this mission together. 

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

“Kindness is a choice, and our brain is wired to be kind.” ~ Patrick Morris

Listen to this Episode and discover…

• The power of asking people to help!
• Why instilling a philanthropic mindset in children from a young age is important. 
• What’s the main difference between philanthropy and charity? 
• How to stay passionate about kindness and philanthropy, without burning out! 
• Miami-Dade County Mayor Daniela Levine Cava’s 4 E’s (and a 5th E) to encourage more civic engagement with local government. 

Marly Q and Pat’s collective passion for kindness and service shines through this episode and you will be left feeling inspired to make a difference as the King or Queen of Kindness in your own home and community. Tune in now to embark on this quest to create a kinder world, together!

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ
Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarlyQ
TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

About Our Guest:

Patrick Morris is known as the King of Kindness for his career in philanthropy, civic engagement, and professional volunteerism for over three decades. Pat works as the Director of Civic and Philanthropic Partnerships at Miami Dade County’s Office of the Mayor, inspiring people to collaborate and bring kindness to the table.

Connect with Patrick Morris:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/patrickgmorris
Email: patrick.morris2@miamidade.gov
Phone: 786-325-2223

Other Links:

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: ​​https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk
Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew
Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew
Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs
Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 31: Kindness Matters 365 with Laura Reiss

EP 15: Planting Seeds of Kindness with Marlon Hill

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00:00

Marly Q    Have you ever met or spent time with the King of Kindness? How about the Queen? The truth is, neither have I. But in today’s episode, you’ll get to meet and connect with kindness royalty, from South Florida anyway, and be invited to join our quest to create a kinder world together.

00:00:33

Marly Q    Welcome. Thank you so much for making Time to be Kind with Marly Q and our special guest today, Patrick Morris. Patrick I call Pat. He’s been my friend for many, many years. I can call him Pat and call him the King of Kindness, like so many people do, not just in South Florida, but throughout the nation. Pat is known as the King of Kindness because he has a career in philanthropy, civic engagement, and professional volunteerism for over three decades. So he knows a thing or two about making time to be kind and the impact, especially as he serves as the Director of Civic and Philanthropic Partnerships at Miami Dade County’s Office of the Mayor. Thank you for making time to be kind with us today, Pat. Welcome.

00:01:17

Patrick Morris    Marly, great to see you again. And, yeah, we’ve known each other for a long time. So we’ve been working on this kindness thing together for a long time and super excited to be with you today.

00:01:27

Marly Q    Thank you. Me, too. And for our Parkers that might be listening and connecting just for the first time, a PARKer is a person that Performs Acts of Random Kindness. Every episode I’ve got to let people know that I am a serial acronymist and I have my own lingo, and you will be speaking it very soon. So Pat and I are PARKers, and we’ve also been called like, the King and the Queen of Kindness in our own respects. How do you feel about being called the King of Kindness? Let me ask you.

00:01:56

Patrick Morris    You know, I find it to be exactly who I think I am friendly, generous and considerate. That’s lessons I learned as a young child. And I would like to think that I’ve passed on to my kids. And when my friends write my epitaph, that those will be three words that will be along with kindness maybe King of Kindness will be on my headstone somewhere. Not anytime soon, but when that time comes, I’ll be proud to be known as somebody who was kind.

00:02:22

Marly Q    What a life, right? I have to be honest. I’ve been called the Queen of Kindness, and it always makes me like I haven’t fully opened to receive that. And I guess I still have some healing and look and work to look into that. I’m only the Queen of my home. That’s all I know. I’m the queen of my home and my kingdom, right? But I do like to think I’m the spark of kindness. And that’s what we’re doing here at Time to be Kind with Marly Q is providing a little spark of kindness. And today I’m just so grateful that it gets to be with you, and I want to just hear from you. You’ve been doing this work for over three decades. How did you get started? How did you find your passion for service and philanthropy?

00:03:03

Patrick Morris    Well, it sounds funny, but I literally started as a young child. You know! My grandfather started the Irish American Society in Mineola, Long Island. We used to spend Sunday afternoons holding my mom and dad’s hand, going to the Irish Community Center. And part of what was always a part of that was a social piece, and there was a community piece. So I kind of saw that as a young child. You know, my dad was a member of the Knights of Columbus. We always were going to do projects with him when he was, when I was a young kid. I’m the oldest of six. All of our kids in my family did that at young ages. He was involved in politics on Long Island, and I spent many a Friday night and a Saturday or Sunday going to either a synagogue, black church or a church with an elected official that my father was supporting. And I remember being a young kid sitting in a black church in Glen Cove in Long Island and looking at these beautiful big hats that the ladies were wearing in church. And it’s a memory that stuck with me from the time I was a little kid. So being involved in service and doing things in the community has kind of just been something that’s been kind of who I am from a young kid and you know, continued that in high school. We moved from New York to Pennsylvania when I was in high school, and there was an earth and dam that collapsed in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Not the first time it happened, which was like, in 1926, but in 1976, I think. And I went as a high school junior with about 20 other kids and shoveled dirt out of people’s basements because the flood, the water had flooded into their basements. And, you know, it’s one of those things, like, many years later now, but I remember that senior citizen, mom and dad, Grandma and Grandpa, you know, basically welling up and crying, saying that if you young people hadn’t come here, I don’t know how we would have got the dirt out of our basement. It wasn’t dirt, it was mud at that point. And so I remember you know, that more clearly than anything about the impact of being a person who, with a shovel and a hand and a wheelbarrow, could make a difference in people’s lives, that’s if we didn’t do it, who was going to do it? And so I think I’ve seen that and talked to friends over the years, like, if you don’t do it, who’s going to do it? And that was always a pretty good reason for me to step in and do whatever it is so.

00:05:17

Marly Q    It really sounds like kindness was your identity, and I think that’s so important. I started a hashtag a couple of years ago, and my first product that I put out was called I am Kindness. Like, we can identify with that is at the core of who you are. That is your identity I am kindness. And it’s very easy to identify when you’re being that and when you’re not being that, right? It’s like a standard of being. So I love hearing that in your story and I’m curious Pat. You know! Because focus on a life of service and always being of service to others and putting that energy out on a consistent basis can be exhausting, right? Like, a life of service could be really kind of tiring and exhausting. Can you speak a little bit to that and how you keep going? What keeps you in this work?

00:06:00

Patrick Morris    Yeah, it’s funny because, Marly, you may know this, you may not know this, but I was involved with the Make A Wish Foundation for a long, long time before I moved to Florida in 1988. I got involved as a wish granter up in New York, granted a bunch of wishes, incredible wishes, to young kids who had terminal illnesses. I moved to South Florida. I got involved here again. I, you know, became a wish granter. The best title, I think that any volunteer can have to be a wish granter. And, you know, I was never asking for me. I was asking for a young girl or boy in their family who was dealing with incredible difficulties with whatever the terminal illness that they had. I was always asking for them. So it got me very early on as a younger person to understand the power of asking people to help. They weren’t helping Pat Morris. They were helping a young boy who was in New York City to meet Mr. T or to become a firefighter for the day, or we did the first glorious Stefan wish here in South Florida. I did the first Marlins wish for the little boy back in 1996 who was the first marlin for a day. Now they’ve done probably 30 or 40 marlin wishes. But to me, I saw the power of volunteerism and what that meant to that family. I didn’t know that family. I didn’t know that young kid. Most of them I never met again, except for those couple of days where they came into my life and I came into their life. But I saw the power of what that did for them and for whatever it did for them, it did for me ten times more. That feeling that you got from helping somebody at that level is something that I never forget and I never have forgotten. And I get it whether I’m at Junior Achievement at a school or I’m with the Data Education Fund at a school or I’m doing Baynanza in Miami. That piece of volunteering is something that I have always felt you get back ten times more than you give.

00:07:50

Marly Q    Absolutely. 100%. I refer to that as kind of enriching your life with the currency of kindness. Right, if we were to have been taught to value the currency of kindness the way that we value monetary currency, we would live in a completely different world, don’t you agree?

00:08:08

Patrick Morris    100%. No doubt about it. Absolutely.

00:08:10

Marly Q    What do you think is the difference between philanthropy and charity?

00:08:14

Patrick Morris    Yeah, I think I don’t ever use the word charity anymore. Charity is a handout. I mean, that’s what it sounds like to me. That’s what I’ve always thought it was, even before I kind of had this philosophical shift. Philanthropy, obvious, is giving to support a cause. Whether it’s your time that you’re giving, it can be philanthropical time that you give, or philanthropical dollars, clearly, that you give. I know one thing that I started when my kids were little. They’re now 18 and 20. We haven’t done it in a while. When we found money on the street, we found a dollar here or a quarter, whatever, we put it in a jar. And after a couple of months and putting that together, we brought it to the public, figured out how much money we had, and then we donated that to a nonprofit. And so teaching my kids that anybody can be a philanthropist, just like Lauren Buffett or Jeff Bezos at Amazon or whoever it is right in our own community that are amazing philanthropists, like Anna Milton or Joe Fernandez, the folks who give big, big dollars. If you’re giving anything that’s yours and you’re giving it away again, whether it’s your time or your money, you’re a philanthropist. And again, I just go back to it always comes back to you ten times more than you ever give out.

00:09:27

Marly Q    Yes, I speak at a lot of schools, right, whether it’s Career Day or just invited to come and speak in classrooms or auditoriums, what have you. And I love being able to tell children, especially elementary school age children, that they can be a philanthropist. You don’t usually get that career option at Career Day. And I come in and say, you know I am actually myself for a living I have a business called Marly Q LLC. But really who I am, I am a kindness influencer. I’m a philanthropist, and so are you. And no matter what you choose to do as a profession or a career in your life. Whether it’s, and I’ll say an entrepreneur, a doctor, a dentist, a teacher, whatever the kids would say to me that they wanted to be, you can be a philanthropist, while doing that. You can be a philanthropist at the core of philanthropy is a genuine love and concern for humanity and being committed to offer your resources, be it time, money, expertise, skills, connections, anything that you have to offer, I think that is philanthropy. So I hope that all of our PARKers listening here today are reminded that you have this superpower. You are the king or queen of kindness in your own kingdom, in your own world. And we all have this power to be the spark of that in our community and ultimately shift our culture and how we treat each other in our homes, in our workplaces, in our schools, in our community, in our churches, out in traffic. Right?

00:10:58

Patrick Morris     Yeah. Right. Yeah. I know you said that you’re a spark. I think you’re 15 years later that we’ve known each other a raging blaze of a fire these days of kindness. Not a spark by any means. But, you know, kindness is a choice, right? I mean, you know, you can be nice, you can be kind, but it’s a choice that someone has to make. And I think the thing that is just a fact is that our brain is wired to be kind. And the more we are kinder, the more the synapses fire in a very positive way to make us happier people. Again it’s not something that Dr. Pat is telling you. It’s actually Harvard based research that is an evidence that you could go find that talks about kindness and the impact it has on you as an individual. To me, kindness is always a ripple effect. You do something for somebody, they see it, they take it, and they pass it on. And I always feel that’s happening all around me all the time when I see just random acts of kindness that happen all the time.

00:12:07

Marly Q    All the time. And you said it. It’s when we see it, when we are aware and present to it and truly when we practice kindness. And that’s why I even brought this podcast back, was to recommit myself to making the Time to be Kind, to putting it on the calendar, scheduling the time to reach out and connect with people that are kindness influencers, that are PARKers, that are kindness superheroes right, out there. Because there’s a lot of us. There’s a lot of us, and we in small ways, in grand ways, but every day, in some way, we have this responsibility to keep this currency of kindness going. And I’m just so grateful for the work that you do every single day. I know that for the past decades, it’s been kind of using your words from the outside in on philanthropy. And now that you’re working for local government and for the office of the mayor, focused on philanthropic partnerships and how can we create more civic engagement in our communities? How can we inspire people to collaborate and work with our local government and bring kindness to the table?

00:13:15

Patrick Morris    Yeah, it’s a great question. Mayor Levine Cava has her four E’s, she calls them, and the bucket is Equity, which goes through everything she does. Economy, which is how do we build a thriving economy that is equitable for all. Environment. She put the first chief Bay officer in place, the first chief heat officer in place. Resiliency is something that she’s enhanced in the office of Resiliency under a guy by the name of Jim Murley. And Engagement is her four E’s. And I say to her that I think she really has a fifth E. It’s called Empathy because everything that she does is with an empathetic heart. And an eye to how can we be equitable about it, how can we engage people, how is it going to help our economy and what’s the environmental ramifications of anything we’re doing? But it’s all through a lens of empathy. And empathy at the end of the day, is, again, it’s that kindness and that night being nice piece of it. And I think that my first time in county government the last two years with the mayor. I’ve known the mayor for over 30 years. So excited to work with her and work under her leadership of the county departments that we work with. But I can tell you that this is a mayor that is open to engaging the community, wants to have the community to everything we do is transparent so the community can see what we’re doing. And there are just a lot of ways, whether it’s on county boards or volunteer opportunities, that are available throughout county government, to get engaged in our community that I think there’s probably no administration that is as open to getting our citizenry into the offices and engaged in our community and super excited. I’m one of the guys on her engagement team who helps make that happen. Whether it’s individuals, whether it’s corporations, again, we’ve got a whole group of philanthropists that are moving to Miami Dade County. They’re business people. They’re philanthropists. How are we helping them get that civic footprint set? Because it’s great to move from another part of the country and make money here and be successful in business. We want you to be equally successful in your civic footprint. And that’s one of the things that I’m engaged in almost on an everyday basis, trying to get folks more engaged in our community.

00:15:37

Marly Q    I love it. And you’re doing that right here with us today. Thank you so much for agreeing to make time to be kind with me. Pat, how can people get in touch with you and learn a little bit more as to how they can connect locally?

00:15:51

Patrick Morris    Absolutely. Very easily. My cell phone is 786-325-2223 or you can reach me by my email at county in the mayor’s office at patrick.morris2@miamidade.gov. And I’m a quick responder to email, so any questions, I’m happy to answer and help anybody get started in their journey and service to our community.

00:16:17

Marly Q    I love that. Are you listening, PARKer’s? Like, we just had the king of kindness give you his cell phone and email address. I mean, really, we have no excuse as to not connect and reach out and get engaged. Because you and I both know the power that exists when local residents and citizens take ownership of the community that they live in and contribute and seek ways to give back, to be of service in some way. And there’s so many different opportunities when you actually become the spark of that engagement, you have the power to do that. Kindness is your superpower, and I hope that this episode has inspired you to reach out and be either the king or queen of kindness in your own way today.

00:16:57

Patrick Morris    Absolutely. Thank you, Marly.

Outro

Marly Q    Thank you so much. I hope you found that conversation as inspiring and enlightening as I did. Join me and Pat over in our Kind QREW Facebook group where we engage after each episode. If you haven’t joined our Kind QREW yet, you can find the link in this episode’s show notes. Visit Marlyq.com forward slash this episode number. So whatever number this episode is, Marlyq.com forward slash that number. I’ll see you next time. Thanks for making Time to be Kind with Marly Q.

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group:  Click here to Join Now 

Click here to learn more and register: SMARTEST Planning Workshop

Don’t Quit on YOU with Marly Q

Did you know that March is the supposed time of the year when most people either forget or give up on their goals? Have you? No judgment here, only kindness. Tune into this short episode to discover three toxic lies that can prevent you from achieving your goals plus Marly Q will show you how to BRAG, reclaim ownership of your TIME, banish BUSY-ness and extend an invitation to learn the “SMARTEST’ way to achieve to your goals.

Listen to this Episode and Discover….

• Three Toxic Lies That Will Keep You From Achieving Your Goals
• You have Permission to “BRAG”
• How to Stop Being Too “BUSY’
• A Mindset Shift from Time Management to “TIME” Ownership
• There’s a “SMARTEST” Way to Achieve Your Goals

Click here to register: SMARTEST Planning Workshop

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ
Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarlyQ
TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

Other Links:

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: ​​https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk
Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew
Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew
Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs
Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 32: Let’s Start with Why (and How)

EP 31: Kindness Matters 365 with Laura Reiss

EP 29: Kindness Heals Loss with Dr. Betsy Guerra

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00
March is the month where most people have completely forgotten about their goals or have fallen off the track towards achieving them. And if that’s you don’t worry, you’re listening to the right episode. Because here we’re about to discover the three toxic lies that will keep you from achieving your goals. Stay Tuned!

00:29
Welcome. And thank you for making time to be kind with me, Marly Q and you today, just you and I PARKer, person that Performs Acts of Random Kindness listening out there. If this is your first time making Time to be Kind with me just know that you are PARKer and we are parking this time together to exchange this energy of kindness, connection and community. So welcome, thanks for making the time today.

00:58
I wanted to record this episode because March is the time of year where so many people have completely forgotten about their New Year’s resolutions if that’s something that they set or they’ve kind of forgotten about the goal that they started. This is the time of the year where most gym floors have started to dwindle down, right? The gym and the yoga memberships have started to dwindle the start of the year and goal getting energy has kind of settled. Right! And if that’s you don’t worry because in this episode, we are going to uncover three toxic lies that will keep you from achieving your goals and many times will inspire you to quit on your goals. And today the message is don’t quit, Don’t Quit on YOU or what’s important to you and your goals. Many times when we’ve fallen off the track on what we set out to do, it’s probably just because we weren’t that emotionally attached to the goal to begin with, right?

01:54
I go through a process with my clients called the SMARTEST Planning Framework. And Smartest is an eight step kind of planning framework to help think through what it is that you want to achieve, right? Whether it’s a personal professional goal, whether it’s an event, a book launch, a product launch, a new business, any goal that you are out to crush and achieve this year, my framework can really help to bring some clarity, which is so important, right? The the address that you’re going to put in the GPS, where are we going? Right? Some clarity on exactly what it is that we’re trying to achieve some confidence that we’re able to achieve that thing, right? And also some like calm and focus and presence so that we enjoy the journey along the way towards achieving it, right? Because what fun is it to, you know, work really hard on achieving a goal, you get there and then you just, you didn’t even get to savor it, right? Or all you experienced along the way was like stress and worry and anxiety and, and angst, right?

02:57
Rather than like this is the process of achieving a goal, right? So for example, in December, I hosted my Smartest Planning workshop for a small group of people. And at that workshop, I declared my goal was I need to start the gym again. I need to start strength training here. I am a mom of two. It’s been about four, if I’m really honest, five years since I had stepped foot into a gym, like with weights and weight training and I was scared, I mean, I kept up with my yoga practice, right? And my stretches and my meditation and all that. But really strengthening my core, picking up weights running around. I have not done that in quite some time and I had a lot of resistance and I had a lot of lies that I was telling myself, right, that we’re probably all guilty of, right? So before I jump into what those three in particular toxic lies, that’ll keep you from achieving your goals. I want to BRAG for a moment. I want to BRAG, BRAG is an acronym for Be Real And Grateful.

03:54
So I want to use this time to BRAG and share that I have been successfully going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week since January 1st of 2023. And the recording of this episode, and I’m wanna continue going because what I’ve done now is moved past the mental resistance. And let me be honest with you, I still have days where I’m like, Oh God! I don’t want to go. But now after I have built a habit, right? My body wants me to go to the gym and move right and feel strong and healthy.

04:27
So if that’s you listening, if you had a personal goal, whether it was to get back to the gym or to start yoga or some kind of like physical health related goal. This is not a time for judgment, this is a time for kindness, right? And a kind of nudge and a kind reminder that you can do it and you can start in a small way and don’t quit on you, don’t quit on what’s important to you, don’t quit on your goals, don’t believe this narrative that you know, it’s National Quitting Day. And in March, everybody just like drops their goals. You are not part of this narrative. And actually, I want to invite you to set a date and come with me and spend a half a day planning with me Friday, March 31st of 2023. I will be hosting my next half day virtual workshop for a small group of people who want to crush their goals, want to achieve their goals. The smartest way, right?

05:19
Smartest, I’m using air quotes here because I’m not saying it’s the smartest planning framework in the world, right? You may be familiar with smart goals or some other kind of planning framework, right? And those are all great. But for me, the smartest way to achieve your goal involves a particular set of questions that you probably never thought to ask. Not only did you never think to ask them, you probably never stopped long enough to ask them. Sometimes we have a goal in mind and we just jump in, right? And like get into the action of doing without really committing to the goal emotionally, mentally and with a plan that actually supports you to get through it when it’s tough. To get through it, when you don’t want to put on the shoes and go out there, to get through when it’s cold outside or raining and you don’t want to go to the gym. For example, just to use that that as an example, right? So let’s jump into these three toxic lies that will keep you from achieving your goals. And if you are guilty of believing one of these three lies just know, there’s no shame or guilt or judgment here.

06:20
The only reason that I know there are three toxic lies is because I believed them. So I am sharing them with you so that we can bring light to these lies and set us free with like the truth, right? The truth that your goals are important, don’t quit on you.

And the first toxic lie that gets us not focused on our goals that that moves us off the track of achieving our goals is this lie that I know what it takes to achieve this goal, right? Believing that, you know, or don’t know what it takes to achieve your goal is a belief or a lie that will keep you from achieving it, right? The belief is it’s good to know and it’s bad to not know. So if you have a goal and you don’t know exactly how you’re going to achieve it immediately, your mind starts putting up roadblocks that you can’t achieve it because you don’t know. And that’s bad that you don’t know what to do or who to go to or how to make progress on this goal, right?

07:17
So that’s the first lie that we like, maybe even subconsciously are telling ourselves you’re not even aware of is that you believe that you have to know, how to achieve your goal in order to get started, is that you? Do you believe that you need to know how you’re going to achieve your goal before you get started? If so that might be a toxic lie that is sabotaging you and getting in the way of you actually achieving that goal and getting started in a small way. Right?

07:42
So we want to flip that I know mentality or that I know mindset into one that’s all I know is that I know nothing. All I know is that I want to achieve this goal, that I have this desire in my heart to achieve it and that’s enough. That’s a great place to start with the clarity of what you know, you want to achieve, but you don’t know how to get it done, that’s okay. Don’t let that stop you from achieving your goal. Don’t let that be the lie that has you quit on your goals. No way, not today.

08:12
The second toxic lie that will keep you from achieving your goals is this lie that we tell people all the time that we tell ourselves this lie of, I’m busy, I’m too busy to pick up that book that I really want to finish or to start or finish that course that I bought. I’m too busy to go back to school or take that class or attend that event that I know is going to propel my career or my business forward. I’m too busy to book that vacation or attend that retreat. Right?

08:42
This I’m too busy is a lie that will keep you from making the time that you need to make in order to focus on your goals. And what I’m here to tell you is that if you feel that you’re too busy to make any kind of progress on your most important goals. I’m here to tell you that you are being busy only doing two things. You are Being Unaware and Stressing Yourself. That’s my acronym for BUSY. You are being unaware and stressing yourself.

09:09
If you ever feel that you are too busy, you’re too busy to focus on your goals. You’re too busy to make time to be kind to you and focus on making progress on the things that are most important to you. You are probably being really busy, being unaware and stressing yourself. And what I mean by that is that instead of being busy with all this outside flurry of things that we always have to do, need to do, should do, must do. And we continue continuously ignore what we truly want to be doing and achieving for ourselves, what we’re telling ourselves. I’m too busy for you and that gets to a point where your soul yourself is like, hey, what about me? What do you mean you’re too busy for me? And it will find another way to express itself and get your attention, right? So if you feel that you are too busy to focus on your goal, know that you’re being unaware and stressing yourself. Because your mind and your heart still wants to achieve that goal. But you’re not giving it the time and the attention that it is requesting of you, right? So I want to invite you to flip that acronym.

10:06
Flip that BUSY acronym and get busy Being Unapologetically Supporting Yourself. Get really busy being unapologetically supporting yourself and watch you not just achieve your goals but watch your whole life and your wellness and even mental health be enriched because now you’re real busy on what’s most important, which is you and what’s important to you and everything else that you can be busy focused on your goals without sacrificing any of your other responsibilities.

10:37
The problem is that we have been prioritizing every other goal, everyone else’s goals over our own goals. And that’s when we get busy being unaware and stressing yourself, right? That’s when it doesn’t feel good when we know that we’re not focused on what we truly desire in our life or professionally. Right?

10:56
So that’s the second lie that we need to banish, right? Is I’m too busy and get busy being unapologetically supporting yourself. Toxic line number three, that will keep you from achieving your goals is I don’t have time. How many of us, if we are being really honest have said I don’t have time. I don’t have time to pick up that class. I don’t have time to, you know, learn the new language. I don’t have time to read that book. I don’t have time. I don’t have time. I don’t have time. I know I have been incredibly guilty of using this lie. And the truth is that we actually don’t have time. So the lie is believing that you have time. I think the Buddha has a quote that says the problem is we think we have time.

11:37
The truth is that time is actually only happening right now in this moment that we’re experiencing together. And my acronym for time that helped me change my mindset and my relationship with time from a place of time and management where I was always just trying to control time and manipulate time and, and, and possess time and, and give time and, and all of that to a place of time ownership where I am clear on the value of my time. And I changed that acronym to be a more empowering one.

12:11
To me. The definition of TIME to me is This Is My Experience. When we begin to relate to the time that we’ve been given on this earth as a gift, I receive this time as my experience, this is my experience. You will begin to make different choices about what you do with your time because you will value it more instead of just constantly giving it away, right? To every opportunity, every distraction, right? That comes our way. We get to own our time more and say this is my experience. How do I want to experience my life? Right? Are you on this earth to just exist and try and worry about time and manage time and obsess over time. Or are we here to experience the time that we have on this earth, however short or long we don’t know. That’s what makes it precious, right? So time, this is my experience. And if you find yourself that you’re using time as an excuse or a lie, the other side of that acronym for me is This Is My Excuse.

13:08
This is my experience or this is my excuse, which one of those acronyms do you want to own today? One of them has the hat of time management. One of them has the hat of time ownership. This is my experience. And when we begin to relate to time differently, then we begin to make time for the things that are actually most important to us. And you will realize that you actually can make time to do all of the things that you say are most important to you.

13:38
I’m wanna to tell you the truth right now. My friends, you and I will never ever have or feel that we have enough time to do all of the things that we want to do, need to do, should do, must do, right? We’re never going to feel that we have enough time, but we know we can feel good about knowing that we always can make time for what is most important in this moment of experience. When you practice making time to be kind and check in with yourself, what are your needs and what is this experience that you wish to have, right? On this given day. You get to create that for yourself, the more that we practice. But first, it starts with changing kind of our mindset and our relationship with time. From time management where you’re trying to control and manipulate time to time ownership where you are in one with it and you’re experiencing it right now, in this moment in time, this is my experience.

14:31
So these three toxic lies of, I know or I must know how to achieve my goal, I’m busy and I don’t have time. These three toxic lives will keep you from achieving your goals. And what we want to do is flip those into empowering statements, right? So, all I know is that I want to achieve this goal. I don’t need to know how yet. I’m busy being unapologetically supporting yourself in the direction of the goals that you see. And I make time because this is my experience and I’m making time to focus on the things that are most important to me.

15:04
If these three toxic lies resonated with you or the truth that set you free, actually set you free today. I’d love to hear about it. Engage with me over on our private Facebook page if you’re not part of our Kind QREW Facebook group yet, what you’re waiting for? Click the link in this episode’s show notes. It’ll be right there for you to click and request access to join us. And we can have a conversation about which one of these three lies have you believed? Are you ready to toss out the door with the truth? I would really love to hear about it, right? And I would also love to invite you to attend my next Smartest planning workshop. It’s coming up Friday, March 31st, 2023. And if you’re listening to this after this date, please still click the link on the show notes because I’m going to be hosting these workshops on a quarterly basis. And you really want to schedule time to be kind to you and actually plan out your goals.

16:01
See, I’ve been planning goals and events and achievements practically all of my life. If it takes 10,000 hours to be a master at anything people, I am a master planner. I have helped myself and dozens of clients achieve their goals over the past two decades, successfully. With clarity, with confidence and with calm and peace of mind that you are on the quest and the right path to get to that goal that you are after, right?

16:27
Whether it’s an event, a book launch, a business, what have you. Any goal, personal, professional, philanthropic this system, this framework works. So, I want to teach you my Smartest Planning Framework and not just teach you, but this is an implementation workshop. It’s a small group, virtual event where we get to roll up our sleeves and actually work in a small group setting and one on one with me to laser coach you through any areas that you might be stuck as it relates to your goals, right?

16:56
You get to pick my brain, I get to laser focus on you and your goal and you will leave this half day workshop with a plan of action, right? And more importantly than a plan of action with the right energy to get you in motion and keep you going towards your goals. On this month of March, we’re not talking about quitting on our goals.

17:16
You will not quit on you and your goals. This is the month where you get even more committed to it. I want to help you do that, join me March 31st. It’s a personal invitation again, I keep it to a small group. So, I am promoting it here on my podcast. You are the first to hear about it. So click the link in the show notes to learn more and sign up today. I would love to have you and I would love to be that kind friend that nudges you on the shoulder and helps to hold you accountable to achieving your goals this year. May it be your year to achieve your goals, the smartest way.

OUTRO

Thank you for making this Time to be Kind with me today. I hope you enjoyed this short episode and found it inspiring. If you did, please feel free to leave us a comment rate and review on your favorite podcast player because it helps us to amplify our message and our movement to spread kindness worldwide. Thank you again for being the spark of kindness visit Marly Q dot com forward slash this episode number for the full transcription and the show notes, plus the links to my planning workshop. Thanks again for making time to be kind with Marly Q. I’ll see you next time.

Click here to learn more and register: SMARTEST Planning Workshop

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group:  Click here to Join Now 

Express Lane to a Kinder World with Nedal Ahmad

What if there was an express lane to a kinder world?

Turns out, there IS! In this short episode you’ll be inspired and empowered by Marly Q and Nedal Ahmad when you discover the ONE SKILL we must practice on a daily basis in order to create a kinder world, starting now!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Dr. Maya Angelou

Listen to this Episode and….

• Discover the express lane to a kinder world is practicing ONE skill every day
• Learn how kindness and empathy are different
• Be reminded how simple it is to make a difference that impacts everyone around you 
• Use technology to make meaningful connections and elevate wellness
• Be inspired by origin story of Heal For Us, nonprofit focused on mental health

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community.

About Our Guest:

Nedal Ahmad is a social entrepreneur, food executive, founder of the nonprofit Heal for US, mental health advocate, and father of three. He is passionate about sparking mental health awareness and creating meaningful connections to build a sense of community.

Connect with Nedal Ahmad – Heal for Us:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/nedalaahmad
Instagram: https://instagram.com/healforus/
Website: https://healforus.org/

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ
Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ
Twitter: https://twitter.com/marlyq
TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew
Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew
Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs
Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP: 31 – Kindness Matters 365 with Laura Reiss

EP: 32 – Let’s start with Why (and How)

EP: 04 – Why Smile?

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00

Marly Q    If there was an express lane to create a kinder world, would you join me on that lane? Stay tuned as we answer that question with our guest at Nedal Ahmad.

00:23

Marly Q    Welcome. Thank you so much for making time to be kind with me. , Marly Q and our PARKer today, Nedal Ahmad. He is my friend, a social entrepreneur, a food executive, a founder of a nonprofit called Heal for US, which we’ll learn about in this episode. He’s a father of three, and he’s a mental health advocate. I’m so excited that you made Time to Be Kind with us today, Nedal, Thank you.

00:47

Nedal Ahmad    Thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciate it.

00:51 

Marly Q    Yes. So I have to tell our PARKer is listening. This is your first time in my world. Let’s tell them what a PARKer stands for. What’s a PARKer? , Nedal?

00:58

Nedal Ahmad    Someone who Performs Acts of Random Kindness. I’ve got this on my laptop at all times.

01:04

Marly Q    I love it. This is a podcast for PARKers. You listening us right here and making this Time to Be Kind is what I feel really has the power to shift our culture, to actually create meaningful connections and build a sense of community. And that’s what we’re doing here with our PARKer. So thank you for being that. And I have to be honest, we know each other since high school. We’re high school friends, but we became friends way later, like 20 years after high school.

01:34

Nedal Ahmad    Took us a minute.

01:36

Marly Q    And the spark of that friendship, I would love to just share a few moments of that, because back in August of 2020, I started a Facebook group with our high school. We should say we went to Hialeah-Miami Lakes Senior High School. And I started a Facebook group and started asking people like, hey, do we want to do this 20 year reunion thing that was coming up in 2022? Mind you, we’re in pandemic. I’m pregnant. I’m like, I got some extra time. I’m home. I got some time. Let me start planning this event. Let’s see if this is something that we want to do. And you were one of the first people to raise your hand and say, yes. Count on my support. Count me in. I’ll be on the committee. Let’s plan this thing. And I want to ask you why?

02:18

Nedal Ahmad    That’s a great question. I guess the sense of nostalgia. As being a father myself, I feel that I need for a sense of community. The nostalgia, what my oldest will be in high school in a couple of years. And that kind of road down memory lane was really a great one. And I’m so glad I did. I’ve been reconnecting with everyone. We had a blast at the reunion. I’m so glad I did it.

02:39

Marly Q    I am so glad. I am also so proud. And I want to just take a moment to thank you and to thank our small but mighty volunteer planning committee that came together to create not just another reunion or another event, but what I think we did was something truly memorable and impactful and honestly, historic. Something that in the history of our high school had never been done, where alumni come back and say, hey, we want to not just plan our reunion, but we want to do it on campus. We want to come back and actually walk the halls again and be able to bring our families and take pictures, and not just for that, but also raise some money and be able to give back to our school. So you were integral in that happening. I was actually going through my own healing journey. There was many times that you witnessed me crying, experiencing high levels of stress, saying, I’m going to cancel this thing, I’m not going to do it. And you and the committee really kept me focused on the why this was important. You helped me through my event PTSD that I was experiencing, and also really helped me to feel that we can create an event, a three day event at that. It was a Friday night, a Saturday, and even a virtual event. We did a three day series of events, and I would not have been able to do that without your support and that of the committee and you all showing up around that time. My husband was having some health issues and I wasn’t able to get there early and set up. And just the teamwork, the feeling of community and how I felt supported with this event was just so beautiful. And I just wanted to take a moment to thank you and the committee, who I hope is still listening. Love you all.

04:23

Nedal Ahmad    I sure hope they are too. And the reality is, it was the same for me for different reasons, where I kind of felt isolated at the time. And those little calls and meetings that we had just gave me something to look forward to at the time, and a time where I felt like I didn’t have a lot to. So it was really great to have those connections. And till today, people who I hadn’t seen in 20 years, we’re still talking on a regular basis, yourself included, and I think that’s been really great. So mission accomplished. With what we were trying to do there and what you really put together, which was beautiful.

05:00

Marly Q    Thank you. Mission accomplished. My mission is to simply be the spark of kindness, connection, and community. And in a past life, I really took on the full burden and responsibility without realizing that our true power is in extending an invitation to others to park to others, to contribute, for others to engage. And we met for well over, I think it was eight months, putting this thing together. Right? And I know that I don’t just speak for myself and for you, but the whole committee. I think we really came together like friends do, to support each other, and that was the whole point. So yay. And that wasn’t it. I think that was the spark. We also collaborated on my first three day virtual event last year called the MANkind Summit. It was our inaugural virtual event to spark Mental Awareness Now. MAN in MANkind is an acronym. Surprise, surprise! 

MAN stands for Mental Awareness Now. And the purpose of that event was to spark mental awareness now and to spark some meaningful conversations so that we can break the stigma around mental health, create amplify some voices, and really try and make a difference in our own personal lives, in those that we love, our friends, our community, and ultimately the world. And you participating as a speaker at that event at the MANkind Summit, which is coming up again, by the way, plug May 2023. You’ll be hearing from it soon. And we were also able to do something really, really special, and that was launch your own nonprofit. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

06:29

Nedal Ahmad    Yeah, I love that we were able to collaborate on that despite that week being really insane with the school shooting and everything else. But the summit itself was really beautiful. And I had have this idea, must have been about a year prior that I had been working on this, and I wanted a platform where I could help potentially fund people’s mental health treatment. And having gone through my own kind of issues over the last three years and roadblocks and really understanding that I can’t pour from an empty cup, I kind of had to take a step back and say, how do I really want to do this? At the moment,so right now, all I do is about once or twice a week, I just help people find providers that are within their insurance network. It’s just a way to keep momentum going, even though I can’t take the nonprofit to the place where I need it to be just yet.

07:15

Marly Q    But you’re starting it, right? You got to get started. So even though this was something that you’ve had in your heart to do for quite some time, what I love is that we were able to insert you into a platform or an event or a container, as I’d like to say, and just share with people, even before you’re ready, share with people. Here’s what is on my heart and mind and plan to create and to build. And it’s okay to start small. It’s okay that you know the first fundraising check that your organization received was only $300. Right. Maybe in some other metrics that’s like, oh, what are you going to do with the launching a nonprofit with $300? But let’s speak to the value of these small acts of kindness, these small opportunities that allow us to create some momentum and move forward, right?

07:58

Nedal Ahmad    Absolutely. Everything has to start somewhere, and it’s usually the smallest acts that have the biggest impact. When you think about our smallest interactions in the street, somebody letting you in when you need to change lanes, that feeling alone is just like a “sigh”, especially in this town that are driving.

08:15

Marly Q    I think I just “sighed”, as you said, right?

08:18

Nedal Ahmad    And it’s those little interactions every day that really have an impact on our lives. Because with strangers, it’s difficult. It’s not like you’re going to do some life changing event, but really just taking that moment, putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes and just being like, let me just make this person’s life just a little easier today. And it helps a lot, especially when you start seeing it in others. And all of a sudden, hopefully one day we’ll see a much kinder world.

08:44

Marly Q    That is the mission that is the purpose of creating this podcast, is really to remind people of that, remind people that we have that power to be the spark of kindness, like I say. And for you, I know that you have kind of a fast pass or an express lane to creating a kinder world. What is that express lane? How can we all PARKers listening like get on that fast lane, on that express lane to a kinder world?

09:07

Nedal Ahmad    I personally view empathy as the absolute express lane to kindness. Being able to treat people exactly the way you want to be treated, being the person that you need in a moment where you’re stressed or rushed or any other feeling in between, just taking that time, it can be the smallest thing, but have the biggest impact on somebody’s day. And whether it’s an example, I don’t know.

Marly Q   Can you give an example?

Nedal Ahmad An example!! I don’t know, I feel like…

Marly Q    

09:31

Marly Q    A recent example. Cause I know it’s a daily practice for you and a daily you know for me. If you were like, oh, can you tell us an act of kindness that really inspired you? I’m like it’s on a daily constant basis, right. Present to it. So for you, what’s maybe the most recent act of empathy that you received or that you observed or that you got to experience?

09:51

Nedal Ahmad    I’ll give you one that I’ve actually given recently because it’s actually a fun story. I was It’s about last June. I was flying back from Philadelphia. I like to take myself out on trips every once in a while that way by myself. Jazz club, whole nine yards. Had a blast. When I get back, when I’m coming back, I get on a plane. As soon as I walk into the plane, I hear a child screaming at the top of their lung. Now, of course, that always creates a kind of bottle of pressure in an airplane. And as I’m walking towards my seat, that sound is getting louder. And it’s a mother with a two year old, and I’m sitting right next to her. And so she’s obviously mortified because, of course, it’s a man who sits next to her. But little does she know that the man sitting next to her has a lot of experience with screaming little girls and next thing I know, me and this young lady become best friends and this mom’s just mood towards the flight was changed the entire time we ended up becoming friends and staying in contact. It was such a great little interaction. But I know over time, the impact, that just like talking to the kid rather than just the grunting and all the normal things that people love to do on an airplane when a child is surprisingly being a child. And it’s those examples that I like to give where it’s like, it wasn’t really that much effort, but had a really large impact on most of the plane. There was a couple of hundred people impacted on this one because that screaming stopped pretty abruptly.

11:13

Marly Q    Amazing. Yes. It could be that simple. That’s simple. And that had a huge ripple effect, not just for the mom who you showed some empathy to and was probably relieved, like, oh, thank you, I’m not sitting down next to a jerk. Right. But also that empathy, that currency of kindness, like, I call it, like, empathy is kindness in action, right? How that affected everybody. Like you said, everybody on the plane received the effect of that empathy that you expressed, received that currency of kindness. Can you tell me how kindness and empathy are different?

11:47

Nedal Ahmad    I think the biggest difference, kindness is usually the act. Empathy is more of the intention. How do you want to make that person feel and kind of looking at it inwards rather than just the action.

11:58

Marly Q    Yes, that’s such a great we’re going to emphasize that in our show notes because empathy exactly, it’s a deeper frequency almost, I feel, because it does start with the intention, right. In order for kindness to randomly bubble up in your heart, for you to be inspired or influenced to take the action. I think the deeper emotion there, the deeper energy. Emotion is empathy. If we’re connected to it, we’re connected to the humanity of the person in front of you or next to you or behind you. We’re connected to that. That is empathy, in my opinion. When you’re feeling with people and when you feel with people, when you feel connected to other people, then kindness naturally, naturally comes up for you to take the action to help.

12:38

Nedal Ahmad    Right.

12:38

Marly Q    Do you agree with that?

12:39

Nedal Ahmad    Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. And the more people we connect with, I mean, that’s one of the biggest things that we’ve lost over the pandemic, is that community gathering and really being able to feed off of people’s energy. It’s very different than when you’re in person rather than any other form of contact.

12:55

Marly Q    It’s true. It’s true. I’ve had to learn how to kind of bring that energy and that sense of, like, connection to the virtual space where pre COVID I only did live in person, community building events. So imagine, right, the shift over to Virtual well, we’re going to lose that connection. And what I learned, to my surprise, was, no, we could actually use the virtual realm and all these platforms to amplify our ability to connect with more people if we use it in that way. Right. If we’re not trying to use technology to kind of hide behind it and create this distance with people, we actually use it for what it’s intended to do. Well, if the intention is to connect right meaningfully with others.

13:34

Nedal Ahmad    Yeah And you know it is a convenient and tool that can connect people. And so long as, like you said, it’s a tool and not something that we’re just constantly hiding behind, where you just not showing your true self.

13:47

Marly Q    Right. I’d like to ask you, how does empathy show up in your daily life? What does it look like? How can we practice being more empathetic?

13:55

Nedal Ahmad    You know It really is just an intentional thing. And I cited some of the simpler examples earlier, letting someone in when they’ve got their blinker on, somebody who you can tell is in a rush at the supermarket, like, hey, jump in front, man. What is that real? Those little things that don’t actually have a major inconvenience on our day but can transform somebody’s next few hours or rest of their day. Just thinking about it from that, what do I need and how can I provide? It that’s simple. Just how do you want people to treat you? The old golden rule, right? We’ve heard it since we were in kindergarten. Do unto others as you want others to do unto you. It really is that simple. And I think that we’ve kind of lost that a lot over the years, where it’s become really a me culture way too much.

14:42

Marly Q    So what I’m hearing is that we need to just practice being more empathetic. We need to reconnect with our mankind-ness, our humanity. What makes us one mankind is our ability to be empathetic with each other, is our ability to be kind and of service to each other, is our ability to solve problems and innovate and create solutions right. And we can only do that when we’re, I believe, connected to who we are as one mankind. And I love that you spend a lot of your personal time just in your own way, being an advocate for mental health and being a friend to so many people online and using technology in this way to support others in their mental health journey. And from a place that you’re in it, you’re still in the journey, right? Not from this place of like I’m on the mountaintop, having achieved enlightenment. And I don’t suffer from any mental health concerns, but somebody that, while they’re going through their own healing journey, is willing and vulnerable and courageous enough to share a bit of it invites other people in to ask questions, to see you as a friend, to trust you with a referral or recommendation to a therapist or a counselor. Right.

15:48

Nedal Ahmad    What I found most effective, and particularly for me, as you pointed out, still going through it myself, still finding my own journey, sharing that and making myself vulnerable and open to people has helped them open up to me and be like, well, this is what I’m going through. And that’s where usually the conversations end up leading to, well, let me help you find someone in your network. And so it’s almost been my superpower that I’m not doing it from an enlightened state, quote unquote, or from some mountaintop. Like, I know better. And it’s like, no, man, I’m going through it, too. Let’s do this together. And little by little over time, it’s just created a little ecosystem of people supporting others. I see it also, I’m part of a kickball league. I see it there all the time with, we are the worst team in the league and yet the most supportive and happiest. And people fight to want to join our team because of how nice we are to each other and how much fun we have. And it’s really just that just being open to being vulnerable that way.

16:47

Marly Q    And that’s how we shift our culture, the express lane to a kinder world. People, let’s be more kind, more empathetic, more connected with each other. It can be that simple, and that’s why it’s so profound. And we have podcasts like this and events like that in order to remind each other we’re not even here to teach anything. We’re here to simply remind each other of who we are and hopefully inspire and influence each other to think more about yourself and others and this world and how we’re all connected here. And if we come from a place of empathy, the intention every day is to be empathetic towards one another, be connected with each other. I really do believe and agree with you that that is the express plane to creating a kinder world. Nedal, could you please share with our PARKers listening? How can we connect with Heel for us and learn more.

17:33

Nedal Ahmad    So you can Follow Heal for Us on Instagram, the tag is @healforus reach out to me directly on my Instagram. It’s @Nedalaahmad. And any way we can connect, I’m always happy to. And any way I can help, I am always around.

17:46

Marly Q    You’re such a good friend. Thank you for being my friend. And to all of our PARKers listening, connect with this man. He’s the coolest. So, Nedal, before we wrap up our time together here today, what is your favorite quote that inspires kindness and empathy for you on a daily basis?

18:03

Nedal Ahmad    That’s a very easy one. It’s actually a Maya Angelo quote, and I hope I don’t butcher this off the top of my head here, but she says, people may forget what you did or what you said, but they’ll never forget the way you made them feel. And I try to live by that all the time and that’s trying to make myself and those around me feel as good as they can.

18:21

Marly Q    I love it. I definitely try to live my life by that quote as well. And I’m sure our PARKers listening really appreciated that reminder today.

OUTRO

Friends, I know you enjoyed this episode of Time to Be Kind. Now the conversation happens over on our private Facebook page. If you haven’t joined our Kind QREW yet, now’s the time. Click the link in our show notes. You can find that along with the transcriptions and the links to connect with Nedal and Heal for Us over at MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number. Again. That’s MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number (33), meaning the number of this episode. See you next time.

Let’s Start with Why (and How)

In this short episode, you’ll learn “The Why” this podcast exists and also “The How” we plan to create a kinder world together by making Time to be Kind with Marly Q each week!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

“We can raise our standard to treat ourselves, each other, and this world that we all inhabit and share, with more kindness.” – #marlyQuotes

Listen to this Episode and….

1. Learn why the time to be kind is NOW
2. Discover how simple it can be to start creating a kinder world, today
3. Learn the real meaning of self-care and the #1 factor that determines your wellness
4. Be inspired by Marly Q’s story prioritizing self-care and wellness, over service
5. Be invited to join our movement to spread kindness worldwide

About Marly Q:

Kindness Influencer, Leadership Trainer, and Community-Builder on a mission to create a kinder world for over two decades. Through her podcast, she invites listeners to make “Time to Be Kind” each week to receive a spark of kindness, connection and community. 

Join our Kind QREW community private Facebook Group – Join – Kind QREW

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ 

Instagram: https://instagram.com/MarlyQ 

Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MarlyQ

Twitter: https://twitter.com/marlyq

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theMarlyQ

Other Links:

Marly Q Tedx Talk: Kindness is Your Superpower: https://bit.ly/marlyqtedxtalk

Kind QREW+ Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew/

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs/ 

Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com 

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP : 26 – How Dare You (NOT)?

EP: 31 – Kindness Matters 365 with Laura Reiss

EP: 14 – The Currency of Kindness

EP: 04 – Why Smile?

TRANSCRIPTION:
00:00
<affirmative>, you’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. Start with why. Of course I get it. It’s important. You must start with why, but if you’re anything like me, you also wanna know how, who, what, and when. <laugh>, you wanna know the answer to all those questions. So that’s sounds like you and you wanna know the why of this podcast, but also the how we’re gonna create a kinder world, stay tuned. 

00: 51
Welcome! Thank you so much for making time to be kind with me, your host and kind guide, Marly Q, kindness influencer, leadership trainer and community builder. That’s what we’re doing here on time to be kind with Marly Q, we are building community. 

Why does this podcast exist? It exists to be the spark of kindness, connection, and community in the world. Each and every week. I want you and I to make time to be kind together to simply exchange kindness, what I call the currency of kindness, right?

01:28
If we can exchange the currency of kindness and value that just as much as we value monetary currency, I think that we could really shift our culture and our world into a kinder place, obviously. But I also think that we can enrich our own lives and the quality of our wellness when we make time to be kind and to who, who are we making time to be kind to here? I wanna emphasize the importance of making time to be kind to yourself first and foremost. As a matter  of fact, if you’re catching us right now at the launch of our season two, you know, or you heard in my intro episode that I took about two and a half years off or away from this podcast mike, very intentionally to focus and prioritize being kind to myself. I desperately needed the time to focus on my own mental health and wellbeing. 

02:28
Transitioning and becoming a mom of two baby boys during a global pandemic, having just experienced my then event consulting business, basically come to a standstill, a halt, and having no source of income, right? Coming into the home while, you know, you’re, you’re experiencing parenthood is incredibly stressful event. And it wasn’t the first time that I had experienced an event like that back in 2008. I experienced a financial crisis, um, that some say was even worse than the Great Depression or have compared it to that in 2008, uh, is when I decided to quit my job and become an entrepreneur. And I just bought my first home. And it was just these series of events that when the 2008 real estate crash happened, I actually experienced bankruptcy and I had to rebuild from this place of having lost everything, right? So I had already experienced that and had lifted myself up and had started a business from that in 2008.  

03:28
So when 2020 came around, and albeit it was the first health pandemic I had ever experienced, I knew what it felt like to have rug sweeped under you and kind of be at zero or be at negative, right? With all of your, your finances. And I just took a moment in March of 2020 to kind of sit with that reality that was happening. Hold my belly. I was about just maybe five months old or uh, five months, uh, pregnant at the time, maybe a little less. And I’m like, what are we gonna do? I don’t know how we’re gonna get out of this, but I know why I need to get out of this in one piece, right? I am creating life. I refused to flood my body with stress, hormones and anxiety and worry and fear and everything that we were all experiencing in March of 2020.  

04:17
And I really kind of treated and assessed, right? Just made some time to be kind to myself how I was feeling, my reality, sit with it and then come up with, all right, why is this important that I, you know, get back up right after feeling like you’re knocked down? Why is it important to get back up? And for me, it was my, my boys, my husband, my family. There’s no greater reason for me to lift myself back up by the bootstraps, so to speak, and recreate a business from a place of alignment this time a business that I had spent well over a decade building through really hard work and hustle and sweat and tears and blood, sometimes literally, uh, right? Having to be forced by life circumstances and events to stop working, to stop in that direction and give myself some time and some space to let all of that chaos settle in my mind and ask, how can I lift myself back up?

05:09
Where are my greatest strengths and abilities and skills? What have I been preparing for all this time in order to put into action today? And what I came up with back then in March of 2020 was now’s the time. That time to be kind is now and launch this podcast, uh, as a way to keep our community connected in a time and place where we were all forced to be disconnected and be in our homes and have our whole schedule and team interrupted, right? And then how are we gonna come back and, and stay connected? The podcast was my way and I started turning on this camera and standing behind a mic and practicing something that years before I was absolutely terrified to do and really unwilling to do. And if you want to refer back to that story, there’s episode, I believe 26 with Luli b I will link it in the show notes so that you can hear kind of the, the journey from when I first wanted to start this podcast to when I actually started it in April of 2020, and then why I stopped, right?  

06:08
29 episodes in why Time to be Kind with Marly Q kind of came to an abrupt stop and I did not stand behind this mic again for another two and a half years. What happened? Why was that time period, the simplest way I can put it is that I was practicing what I’m preaching on this podcast. I was making time to be kind to myself first and foremost so that I can fill my own cup and give from a place of overflow, right? Actually really embodying that and modeling that, not just for you PARKer’s listening or for my community, but for myself, right? And for my children to be able to see their, their mom, their parents making time to be kind to themselves, their own mental health and wellbeing, prioritizing that and making time to be kind to others and extending that kindness out into the community in whatever way you are most called to do.  

07:01
For whatever reason, using my voice and putting out this podcast is what I was called to do despite my brain resisting it for many, many, many years. And my own lack of willingness to step out, like into the light and be visible and be seen and become a quote unquote kindness influencer and brand myself in this way was something that really took, uh, a process, uh, a bit of a healing journey and a mindset shift and practice a lot of practice for me to be able to come back on here and relaunch season two as a mom of two, as a mom that takes care of her mental health and wellbeing as a mom that is back at the gym as at the start of this year, right? And, and re having rebuilt my business now Marly, Q L L C, from a place of alignment, from a place where I can share my voice as an inspirational speaker.  

08:00
I can share my skills and my expertise and leadership by training with workshops and retreats, whether they’re virtual or in person, right? And also as a community builder, bringing all of my 20 plus years of experience in creating events into my community building effort here with you, with Time to Be Kind with Marly Q, our community is called our Kind QREW. And QREW is with the letter Q, of course for Marly Q. And if you’re part of my Kind QREW, one of the founders, right when we started this Facebook page back in 2020, thank you. There’s over 300 plus PARKers or people that perform acts of random kindness in our Kind QREW private Facebook group already. If you are not part of it, what you waiting for the party after each and every episode is gonna happen in that private Facebook group, you can ask questions, you can give feedback, and we can interact and engage and build our community in there, okay?

08:57
So if you’re listening to this, now’s the time to click the link that’ll be in the show notes to join our Kind QREW community. Introduce yourself. And there’s where we’ll engage. Our Kind QREW is a global online community of people just like you and me who perform acts of random kindness. I call these people my PARKers. PARKers is an acronym for people who Perform Acts of Random Kindness. So there, you have to know this about me already by now. I love acronyms. I’ve been called a Serial Economist, and I love that <laugh> title because I am, I definitely love and utilize acronyms as an educational framework to help us kind of break down what can sometimes be complex or kinda intangible concepts into something that’s practical and we can actually implement into our daily lives to elevate our wellbeing, right? 

09: 51
And I believe that the number one factor in wellness, the number one factor that drives how you feel is kindness.

10:01
How kind are you to yourself with the voice in your head? How kind are you with your actions on a daily basis and your rituals or your quote self-care, right? The kind of self-care that has nothing to do with how many, you know, manicures and pedicures and massages, et cetera, right? I Nothing to do with those, even though that is a kind of self-care. What I mean is really the kind of self-care that is rooted in kindness, right? And supporting yourself through this life that’s not easy for anyone, right? So this podcast, the Why of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q truly is to simply be the spark of kindness, meaningful connections, and a sense of community. I invite you into it. You’re here in my home. If you’re watching on YouTube, um, or if you’re listening right on your favorite podcast player, wherever it is, join me here each and every week and then over in our private Facebook group so that we can engage and connect with each other there.  

10:54
Why? Because the time to be kind is now. The time to be kind is always now, but right now, more than ever, I believe is the time for us to unite around this simple idea and standard for mankind. 

11: 07
We can raise our standard to treat ourselves each other and this world that we all inhabit and share with more kindness. That’s what I hope that this podcast brings to you each and every week, is that little spark that reminds you that there are kindhearted, kind minded PARKer superheroes out there in the world that are spreading kindness each and every day in small ways, in grand ways, in any way, right? We launched season two with Laura Reiss and our episode of Kindness Matters 365. We started with Why? Why does this matter? Because kindness matters 365 days a year. This isn’t just about a nice philosophy that I want you to agree with.  

11:50
This is about an actual strategy for living and a skill that you and I can master in order to support our own wellness and wellbeing. Those that we love, those around us and everybody that we interact with, and together as a whole, we can really shift our culture into one that is more kind and of service to one another. And isn’t that what you and I want? That is the why of Time to be Kind with Marly Q. Our vision is a World where Everyone Performs Acts of Random Kindness. Our vision, I used to say that, and I used to say my vision because this was the vision that I had back when I was 10 years old. And if you want to listen to my Ted Talk where I share the story, I will also link it in the show notes. And since I was 10 years old to date, where I’m going to celebrate a big birthday this year, I’ll tell you more about that later in another episode.  

12:41
This whole time I still believe in this vision, and I’ve grown to learn that it’s not about me or you, it’s about we and the power that we have to create this world that we all wish to see. A World where Everyone Performs Acts of Random Kindness.. And my mission as a kindness influencer, as a speaker, as a leadership coach, as a community builder here with you right now as your friend, my mission is to simply be the spark of kindness, connection, and community. The one that reminds you of how important it is to practice kindness in your everyday life towards yourself, towards those around you, and to the greater community in whatever capacity you are able to. And to also remind you that no act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted, you can be the spark of kindness today. Because every day is an opportunity to Perform Acts of Random Kindness. #wePARK  

13:37
The hashtag for my movement that I started in 2010 together with a small group of people and has grown organically to thousands, maybe countless of lives by now, started with a birthday party. A birthday party where I stood on stage, invited my friends and say, Hey, I wanna inspire you to PARK and I wanna call this movement “wePARK” and we’re gonna start a nonprofit, and we’re gonna start all this. And that all started in September of 2010. So we’re gonna be celebrating a big anniversary this year and a big birthday this year in September of 2023. And you all will be personally invited more on that later. But for now, I wanted to record this episode to really give you the why, to start with why our vision, our mission, and really the how are we going to create this world where everybody performs acts of random kindness.  

14:22
How we’re gonna do it is by showing up and being that spark of kindness in your own homes, in your own mind, in your own family, in your own workplaces, in your community, and in whatever way you can extend that kindness out into the world in your small way. It all makes a difference each and every day. That’s what I’m here to remind you to. I’m so, so excited for what we have in store for season two of Time to be Kind with Marly Q, thank you for joining me on this through Facebook group. If you haven’t already, request the access to join by simply clicking the link here in our show notes, and it’s gonna ask you for your email address. Please give us a good preferred email address that you actually open, because that’s where we’re going to be emailing you every time we have our, podcast episodes. And you don’t wanna miss it, right? Our promise is not to spam or to ever sell your information. It is safe with me. So please, go out there, put your actual email address so that we can send you our podcast Community emails. They’ll be inspirational and they will enrich your life with the spark of kindness, I promise.

OUTRO

Thank you for spending this time with me. I cannot wait to see you next week. If you liked this episode, please go ahead and hit a like or a comment, subscribe, review. Do your part to spread this message, because Time to be Kind with Marly Q is with YOU. The only way that we’re gonna spread kindness is by doing it together. So thank you again for being part of this movement to spread kindness worldwide. See you next time!

Today we’re making Time to be Kind with Marly Q and Laura Reiss, founder of Kindness Matters 365, a nonprofit organization that is working to create a kinder world through educating children about being kind and grateful for who they are. You’ll be inspired by the story of how this one small after school club turned into a global movement to create a kinder world through teaching social and emotional well-being to kids and teens. You’re invited to join our global community, called Kind QREW, and engage with Marly Q and Laura after the episode.

Join Our Community Here: Kind QREW

Kindness Matters 365 with Laura Reiss

“My commitment is that one day this is a mandatory part of the school’s curriculum. We must teach children about being kind to themselves and navigating life, about being empowered.”

– Laura Reiss, Founder of the Kindness Matters 365 Foundation

Laura Reiss is the founder of Kindness Matters 365, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, that educates children about being kind to themselves and others. She has been working to create a kinder world for over a decade, and her organization has trained over 500 ambassadors and is in over 100 programs in 10 states.

Laura was raised to be grateful and kind, so when she had children of her own she wanted to ensure they were raised in an environment of kindness also. She started the Kindness Matters 365 Foundation, which began with the intention of teaching children about being grateful for who they are and how their actions affect others. Through her work, she witnessed the transformation of children, going from bullies to generous and kind individuals.

Her goal is to have a mandatory Kindness Matters 365 program in every school in the world, and she is well on her way to achieving this. She is dedicated to teaching children how to be self-aware and self-regulated, so that they can become a new generation of kind-minded people creating global kindness.

Listen to this Episode and …

1. Be inspired by the story of how one small after school club turned into a global movement!
2. Learn how kindness is transforming education in over 100 schools nationwide, and growing!
3. Remember the importance of educating and empowering children to recognize their own value, be mindful of their actions, and show kindness wherever they go!
4. Receive an invitation to join a global community of kindness ambassadors worldwide!

Connect with Laura Reiss & Kindness Matters 365:

Website: https://kindnessmatters365.org/

Upcoming Event: https://kindnessmatters365.org/community-wellness-fest/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/kindness-matters-365

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kindnessmatters365/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kindnessmatters365org/

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marlyq/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marlyQ/

Facebook: https://facebook.com/theMarlyQ/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarlyQ

Twitter: https://twitter.com/marlyq

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@themarlyq

Other Links & Resources:

Join our Kind QREW Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew/ 

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs/ 

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Other episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 20 – International Youth Day

EP 16 – World Youth Skills Day

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00    Can you imagine living in a world where kindness mattered 365 days of the year? Our guest today believes we can all do our part to create a kinder world. And she’s been working to prove over the past decade that achieving global kindness is very possible. Wanna know how? Stay tuned for episode 31 of Time to be Kind with Marly Q. 

00:42    Thank you for making time to be kind with me and our PARKer today. Laura Reiss. Before we jump into telling you about Laura, this is your first time in my world. Welcome. You must know right off the bat, I’m a serial acronymist and a PARKer is my acronym and a name for people who Perform Acts of Random Kindness. Like you listening, you’re a superhero PARKer, just like Laura and me, and we’re all part of what I call my Kind QREW. It’s a global community of kind minded people who are out being this spark of change that we all wish to see in the world. If you’re not part of my Kind QREW private Facebook group yet, I’ll go ahead and plug that in here. Make sure to join in after the episode and say hello. Laura’s in there. She was actually one of our founding members of our Kind QREW Facebook group, and she’s also the founder of Kindness Matters 365 a 501c3 nonprofit organization, which began as a small afterschool club in South Florida. And it’s become a global movement that educates children about being kind to themselves and others, and not just that it also equips these young kids and teens with the knowledge and the skills that they need for their social and emotional wellbeing. Oh yeah. Take a nice deep breath, everyone smile and get ready to receive a spark of inspiration today. Let’s listen. 

02:02
Marly Q    Welcome to the show, Laura Reiss, thank you so much for making the time to be kind today. 

02:07
Laura Reiss Thank you so much for inviting me. I’m so honored to be here with you. 

0:11
Marly Q    Are you kidding? I was gonna knock on that door as many times as I had to knock in order to get you to answer. I know you’re so busy spreading kindness 365 days of the year. 

02:19
Laura Reiss    You got that right, just like you spreading kindness 365 days of the year. But I do appreciate you knocking on my door a few times and staying supportive of me being here today. 

02:29
Marly Q    Thank you. Yes, absolutely. Are you kidding? I follow your wonderful movement and your work. That’s what I absolutely love and admire and respect and celebrate about you and the great work that you’ve been doing for well over a decade. Could you please share with us your story? How did Kindness 365 and your Samaritan Clubs all get started? Tell us who you’re, 

02:51
Laura Reiss    Wow. Well thank you. Thank you for that. So my name is Laura Reiss and I’m the founder of the Kindness Matters 365 Foundation, which did start out with the name Samaritans 365. So we no longer are Samaritans 365. We are the Kindness Matters 365 Foundation. And truly the root of it all is that I was raised, well, my parents really did teach me about being grateful, showing compassion for others and being kind. And that’s the short version of my life. So that’s how I was raised, and that’s all I knew. That’s really all I knew. And you know, going through life and navigating like how to figure it all out, I was very aware of the kindness and very aware of the unkindness and continuing to be kind in my world and through my actions. And as a young mother raising my young three children, my three girls, I wanted them to be in an environment where they were kind and others were kind. 

03:50
Laura Reiss    So in 2008, I went to my oldest daughter’s elementary school and asked if I could start a kindness program. And in this kindness program, my intention was to really teach the children about being grateful for who they are, not for who they wanna be, not for who their next door neighbor is or what you have, but what do you look inside of your own life and what are you grateful for? Now, from that place of gratitude, be mindful about how you’re speaking, how you’re acting, how it affects you, how it affects other people. And then show kindness wherever you go. Show kindness to yourself. Show kindness at home to your siblings and to your family, and to your parents. Show kindness in the classroom on the soccer field, show kindness everywhere. And these programs, the kids loved it. They loved it. They were soaking it all up. 

04:38
Laura Reiss    They asked a ton of questions. Now, some of the children, they get it at home and so let’s reinforce it in school. Some of the children really had no idea what I was talking about. And so it was the first opportunity for them to really look at what are they grateful for in their lives? How are they speaking and acting, and how it affects others and where are they showing kindness and giving them more ideas about how to show kindness and more ideas about what they’re grateful for. So this program quickly turned into a once a month after school where I invited different foundations and organizations to come talk to the children about how they give back, how they’re of service, what they do. And then the really key part and component of this whole programming was that we asked the kids to do a hands-on project to give back to that organization.

05:25
Laura Reiss    And it really was this amazing opportunity for kids to feel an experience at any age. And now this is elementary school. So, and let me give you an example. I think that would be helpful, right? So if the Humane Society, an animal shelter came in and talked to the kids about the importance of taking care of animals, saving lives, all of that, the kids ask questions and then they make pull toys. Or you know, they take t-shirts and rip them up and make pull toys to give to the humane society. They create adopt me banners and bandanas, and the kids don’t realize how important and valuable they are right now today, what, what positive change they can make right now today. So five years of running this one program at our local elementary school, sunrise Park, and I really got to watch the transformation of human beings. 

06:14
Laura Reiss    I got to watch these kids blossom into these beautiful kind to themselves and to each other, to their classmates. I got to watch the bully of the school become the most generous, opening up the door for their teachers, sharing pencils with their classmates. I really got to watch transformation. So I really saw that this was so valuable and so important and really was for every child in the world. So in 2014, I started a foundation with a commitment to have a kindness program in every school in the world. I’m gonna fast forward because there’s so much more I could talk about. To date. We have over 500 trained ambassadors. We are in over 100 programs in 10 states. We are growing strong, we are growing fast, and we see the value and the importance of really teaching, educating, and inspiring children to be kind to themselves and to others. Short version!

07:18
Marly Q    My cheeks hurt so much from smiling 

07:21
Laura Reiss    <laugh>, <laugh>. I know. Welcome to my welcome to my world.

07:26
Laura Reiss    You know, these, this is, you know, we as a foundation are committed to global kindness. And when I say global kindness, I am really talking about a new generation of kind minded people because the work that we’re doing now, educating, inspiring the spark in these children’s hearts and minds, they will grow up and teach their children who will grow up and teach their children. So, so global kindness is very possible. And actually the work that we’re doing now will benefit generations to come when my children, my children make fun of me. Because listen, we, I, you and I breathe, sleep, eat kindness, right? And I tell them that this is for them. This is not about me. This is for them raising their children who will eventually be raising their children in a kind world. Yes, 

08:17
Marly Q    Exactly. 

08:18
Laura Reiss    It’s a simple formula, don’t you think? 

08:20
Marly Q    I do. And I’m all about that formula and the simple acts of kindness and make a profound difference as you’re sharing your story. It took me back to elementary school and when I was, you know, in 10, uh, 10 years old in fourth grade, and this little seed was planted in me, and it was about being grateful for who I am. I couldn’t go on a field trip to go clean up the park. I didn’t have the money to go. My teacher and her kindness took me outside and like, Hey, you don’t need money in order to make a difference. What you need is to be yourself. And I see you and your kindness every single day. And she mentioned some of the things that you said, I see you smile every day and your smile lights up the room. I see you open the door and lend your pencils.

08:58
Marly Q    And, and she just made me feel like I was already this superhero and I believed him. And look how that little seed, that little spark, that one minute conversation that she had with me, really, you know, made me feel important and seen and acknowledged, right? For just being myself. And I’ve never forgotten that I’ve shared this story a million gazillion times and I will never be tired of sharing it because it is about instilling those seeds of kindness in children. And it is about global citizens and creating a different world. You and I believe that the World can be a place where Everybody Performs Acts of Random Kindness. At least that’s my hashtag is #wePARK, it’s an acronym for World where Everyone Performs Acts of Random Kindness. It’s not about you, it’s not about me, he or she. It’s about we. And it is so simple. So I’m a brand new mom. And me instilling these seeds of kindness in my kids is, is honestly my number one priority. Like, if I do anything as a parent, it’s gonna be this. I even named my kid Parker, Jude Parker. Parker is someone who Performs Acts of Random Kindness. 

10:04
Laura Reiss    Great. That’s great, Marly. This is so great. 

10:07
Marly Q    He  Knows who he is, right? And we’re celebrating and being grateful for who you are. You are kindness in your heart, and I love that you’re, you’re encouraging kids to start with themselves, right? Because it is about being kind to yourself first. Because from that is how we can create this ripple effect and this desire to be kind to other people and to our planet. 

10:29
Laura Reiss    Yes. And children deserve it is mandatory that we let these children know that they are valuable, that they are important, and that they can accomplish anything. You know, when we go into these schools, so we have a training, we train our ambassadors about presenting these programs, and there’s a whole conversation about really letting these children know how important and valuable they are. Some of these children, they really don’t get it. They really don’t know. And they are so precious and so important and so valuable. And that when they realize that they can give back now and that they Right, it’s a, it is a power tool for them. It really, really is. 

11:08
Marly Q    I believe that that’s exactly what happened to me. I mean, I felt super down and defeated and helpless. Like, oh man, I can’t, I was the only kid in class. I couldn’t go on this field trip. And I’m like, man, cause I don’t have the money to go. I’m not gonna be able to make a difference and I can’t. And all this helplessness is what I felt. And this teacher in an instant, it was this little spark made me feel like, no, no, no, girl, you’re already a superhero. You got this. And she made me valuable exactly what you’re saying and significant. And it’s carried me, my whole, everything I do is about right about spreading this message. So I believe it, sister. 

11:40
Laura Reiss    Yeah, our teachers are so valuable and so important. And they are, they are our, they’re our children’s cheerleaders. They are the other, the extension of our family home life, our, our teachers. And so my commitment, the real reason why I started these afterschool programs was so that one day, my commitment is that one day, this is a mandatory part of the school’s curriculum. So, you know, in school we’re teaching history, science, English, all that valuable, valuable, valuable. And we must teach children about being kind to themselves. We must must teach children about navigating life, about being empowered. So about a year ago, somebody, hmm, little over a year ago, somebody said to me, Hey, you’re teaching social emotional learning. Your gratitude, compassion, kindness formula is social emotional learning. And I didn’t understand it at the time. Fast forward to the eighth person who told me to check out social emotional learning, because that’s actually what I’m teaching. 

12:40
Laura Reiss    Sure enough, we are, we were teaching social emotional learning, which is really all about self-awareness and self-regulation, really helping human beings understand, being aware of their thoughts, being aware of their feelings, being aware of the information coming in powerfully processing it and responding and creating connection and communication and powerful relationships. This is, this is Kindness Matters. 365 Foundation is now providing, we have created a kindness curriculum. It’s a real curriculum that can go into schools. We are teaching and training teachers to bring this into the classroom so that teachers are inspired, teachers are empowered, teachers are connected and ready to teach, and the students are ready to learn and they are connected and they are empowered, and they are inspired. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a game changer for education. It is, when I say we are committed to transforming education, we are committed to, to really implementing this component of self emotion, social emotional learning and helping our teachers and our students be connected, calm, and ready to learn

13:53
Marly Q    And kind. I, I love it and I love seeing the, the growth, um, and the natural progression of your movement and your organization, right? Started this one little afterschool club, which is powerful in it of itself, if it would’ve just stopped there. Uh, still super incredibly powerful. And then you started growing to teenagers and now you’re taking teachers, right? It is about including everybody in this process. It is about the WE.

14:18
Laura Reiss    The we, it’s about the WE I love that. So, yes. So, so to your point, we are in preschools, elementary schools, middle schools, high school, college campuses, and we have an entire adult programming as well. And the state of Florida gave us funds, uh, about two years ago. They gave us funding to really work on our kindness in the school’s curriculum. So they gave us the funding to really work on our curriculum and to get, we have three entire schools that are trained to provide this content in their classrooms.

14:47
Marly Q    Congratulations. That is so exciting. And as we celebrate World Kindness Day, right? Which I get it, it’s this one day that’s on a calendar amongst all these other random holidays that maybe people didn’t even know whose World Kindness Day. But I, I wanted to invite you to make time to be kind because it’s, it’s about world kindness Day every day. Yeah. And it’s about the little things. And sometimes people, I feel want to make a difference in the world, want to see the change in the world, wanna be the spark of the change that they wish to see. And think that it needs to be this like, massive life commitment and that you need to start a nonprofit or that you need No, it starts with you. It starts the number one leadership skill is emotional intelligence. That’s what you’re teaching. I see. That’s, that’s what you’re, that’s what you’re giving people. And you’re empowering. You can start that in your own home, in your community, in your church, at your workplace, in traffic when you’re at the grocery store or the gas station, right? It’s, it’s all about the little Kindness Matters. 365 is the perfect, perfect message, uh, to share on World Kindness Day. How can our PARKers listening support the organization and connect with you or maybe start a program in their own schools?

16:04
Laura Reiss    Hmm. That’s a great question. So our website is KindnessMatters365.org. Everyone, please go joins, check it out. So KindnessMatters365.org is a great place for resources. We primarily run on volunteers. So if anyone is interested in volunteering and being a part of our family, our ambassadors are the heart of this foundation. They go through our, our Kindness Matters 365 training. And we really provide everything that you need to running your own program, from your training, all the way through to the materials that you need to be providing to your, to your participants. Video content, project ideas, reflection questions, speaker ideas. We, because of the na the, the pandemic, the Worldwide Pandemic, we actually pivoted and have everything available online now. So in the fall, our ambassadors are ramping up to provide our kindness programming online or in schools, in person or, you know, remote. What, whatever they, what, however, their new platform for providing these programs is gonna go. We’re ready for it. So becoming an ambassador, super important. And really it’s a gift. It’s a gift to the person who goes through the training providing these programs because you get to really see the transformation of these kids. You get to be the one that is inspiring and educating and we provide everything for you. And then of course, funding is always appreciated. We are a small non-for-profit, but we are very powerful and we’re growing strong. 

17:38
Marly Q    I mean, it’s really such a beautiful way to celebrate World Kindness Day, having you here with us today and sharing your light, your love, your energy, your spark of kindness, 

17:48
Marly Q    Uh, through the airwaves. Thank you, Laura. 

17:51
Laura Reiss    Thank you Marley. And thank you for all that you do, inspiring so many people to be kind and the many different ways to be kind. Thank you for your kindness in the world. 

18:01
Marly Q    You see, I knew you’d love this episode and would be inspired by Kindness Matters 365 and Laura, she gave us such great nuggets of wisdom. And hopefully you feel inspired today to PARK, to Perform an Act of Random Kindness in your home where you work or out in the world.

OUTRO

On behalf of the great team and the volunteers at Kindness Matters 365, I wanna invite you PARKers in Florida to attend their first ever Community Well-Fest, it’s coming up February 26th in Delray Beach, Florida. And listen, if you’re not here in South Florida, but you’re inspired to park, you do so right now by leaving a kind review or a comment referencing this episode 31 with Laura Reiss. And you might just win a prize by Kindness Matters 365. Go ahead and visit MarlyQ.com/31, the number three one for show notes and links to connect. Thank you again for making time to be kind with Marly Q today. See you next time.

Listen to this quick and kind welcome from host, Marly Q. She shares why she took a two year hiatus from podcasting after having a baby and facing the challenges of being a new mom of two boys during a global pandemic. This episode models and emphasizes the importance of making Time to be Kind to yourself. Now that she’s done filled her own cup, Marly Q is back making Time to be Kind with YOU, sharing inspirational stories, insights and skills we can all master to elevate wellness and the world through kindness. You are invited to join our global community called Kind QREW and engage with Marly Q after each episode.

Join Our Community Here: Kind QREW

It’s Time to be Kind with Marly Q

“The time to be kind to ourselves, each other, and the world is now.”

Listen to this Episode and …

1. Find out why Marly Q stopped podcasting for 2 years and why she’s back!
2. Learn there’s a national holiday called Random Acts of Kindness Day!
3. Discover that you are a PARKer (acronym revealed in the episode)!
4. Be invited to join our global community of PARKers spreading kindness worldwide!

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marlyq/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marlyQ/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/https://web.facebook.com/themarlyq/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarlyQ

Twitter: https://twitter.com/marlyq

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@themarlyq

Other Links & Resources:

Join our Kind QREW Private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew/ 

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs/ 

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Other episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 1: Overcoming Self-Doubt

EP 24: Drop the Ball

EP 26: How Dare You (not)?

TRANSCRIPTION:

0:00

Do you know what day it is? It’s National Random Acts of Kindness Day! The perfect day to launch season two of Time to be Kind with Marly Q. You ready? Let’s go!

0:34

Thank you for making Time to be Kind with Marly Q! This is Episode 30 and the official launch of season two! I can hardly believe it’s been two years, a little over two years if I’m honest, since I’ve sat behind this podcast mike, I’d be lying if I wasn’t intimidated. But if you remember our first episode was overcoming self doubt. So I re-listened to that one and that prepared me to re hit, start and record this small episode to just re-welcome you!

1:09

If you’re brand new to my world high, you are a PARKer!

A PARKer is a Person who Performs Acts of Random Kindness.

1:18

If I know anything about you listening, whether you’re brand new to my world or you listened in the past, you’ve somehow connected with me through the internet, magical powers, You’re here right now and I know one thing about you, you are a person that Performs Acts of Random Kindness that makes you a PARKer and my kind of people, my kind of people are united in this global community that I call my Kind QREW.

1:42

We have a private facebook group. If you’re not part of it yet, I invite you to join. I will include the link in the show notes. For sure. So please engage with us there after each and every episode and SAY HELLO and any of your takeaways or your takeaways from each episode, we’d love to hear it.

2:01

Where have we been? Where have I been the past 2.5 years? Spreading kindness. But to myself, what I’ve been doing is actually making time to be kind to ME. I’ve been practicing what I came on here and even created this podcast to preach the importance of making time to be kind to yourself to each other and to this world that we all share.

2:29

And what I realized very quickly, 29 episodes into season one of Time to be Kind with Marly Q is that it’s a lot of work to keep up a podcast and put out weekly episodes and promote the podcast and build the community.

2:45

And I don’t want to blame my having a child and I don’t want to blame the fact that I had a baby as to why I had to put my podcast down and put it in the shelf, so to speak for a little while. But if I’m being really honest, that’s a big part of it.

3:04

I grossly underestimated how difficult it was going to be to transition into becoming a mom of two baby boys during a pandemic while quarantine. it was, it was just not something that I was prepared for, I guess even though I did have my second child in august and we had episodes all through, I think october the end of october. So we did plan ahead, right? And I was like, oh, two months into it, I should be fine, I can, you know, can start getting back to work.

3:36

And that was not the case at all. And I was growing just so frustrated with not being able to make any progress, not just with my podcast, but even in recreating my business, which I had lost as a result of the pandemic, I just didn’t have any energy or creative brain power to focus on any of my own projects.

4:00

So, I really intentionally decided to put it off to the side until I can come back from a place of energy richness when I can come back to the mic and make time to be kind to you, my beautiful listener right now, a beautiful PARKer listening, from a place of I’m here to serve not, I need to show up because I created this thing.

4:24

And I said, I was going to, you know, do this every week where it became more of a chore and and and and another thing on my plate rather than it being the plate and an opportunity for us to hold space for the plate.

4:41

The plate that each one of us put so much on each and every day, right? We need to create intentionally the time and the space to take care of the plate.

4:52

So that’s what I’ve been taking care of the last 2.5 years, really transitioning into becoming a mindful mom of two kids and re creating a business from a place of alignment with, with my priorities and where I am in my life now. and also that is aligned with my energy right? And the time that I have to give again given my priorities.

5:19

So all behind the scenes, I have been doing a lot of healing work and a lot of recreating work. I’ve been on my own self care retreat and now that I’ve filled my own cup, I am ready to come back and share from the cup that’s overflowing with all of you.

5:36

So I’m really excited, not just for season two with some incredible and inspire interviews that I have to share with you, but I’m also excited for some solo episodes with just You and I where I want to come on here and make time to just share some of my own stories and life lessons with you in a simple, straightforward ways where you can implement some strategies, right? Some practical skills that we can practice and master in our life in order to elevate our own sense of wellness on a daily basis.

OUTRO

Really looking forward to spending this time with you. Thank you for making time to be kind with me today. Let’s keep the conversation going over on our private facebook group again. If you haven’t joined us yet, the link is in our show notes, visit MarlyQ.com/30. The number 30. Again, that’s MarlyQ.com/30 for the episode number. Thank you so much for making Time to be Kind with Marly Q. See you next time!

We’re making Time to be Kind with Dr. Betsy Guerra again only this time, I’m a guest on her podcast! I’m sharing a clip of that interview where I share my experience with the loss of my first pregnancy in efforts to bring awareness to Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day on Oct 15th.

SHOW NOTES:

Click here to learn more about Dr. Betsy’s Hurt 2 Hope program

[Scroll down to timestamp 29:18 for coupon code]

Click here to subscribe to Dr. Betsy’s YouTube Channel

Follow @BetterWithBetsy on social media

Dr. Betsy’s website BetterWithBetsy.Com

TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey PARKer, I’m Marly Q. and this is Episode #29 with Dr. Betsy Guerra – again! YES! Only this time I’m the one being interviewed:)

If you joined me last week for episode #28, I want to thank you for making Time to be Kind to listen to Dr. Betsy’s story of how she transformed her pain into joy and how she teaches others how to go from “Hurt 2 Hope”.

Dr. Betsy asked me to share my story on her podcast, and I felt compelled to share a piece of that interview with you today to bring awareness to Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, which is tomorrow, Oct 15.

This episode starts mid-sentence with a confession of how I used to relate to pain and sadness and how everything changed when I experienced the loss of my first pregnancy in 2017. Let’s dive right into my story of how kindness heals loss.

Marly Q: Honestly, I have lived my entire life, I will authentically and vulnerably share, in complete avoidance of pain and sadness. I am a very joyful person, I have always tried to be very positive, and that’s not to say that I haven’t experienced difficulties in my life, I just really have always approached sadness and pain as a “negative emotion” and something that I just need to get over as fast as possible so that I can get back to happy. And I don’t think I’m alone in that feeling, I’m not sure if I was raised that way, you know, you have to be tough and like, you know, “pa lante”, or like, “just move forward” and don’t even stay in that place of sadness and loss and suffering for a long time.

And it really wasn’t, only until fairly recently in, I guess, to share the story in 2016, was my second year wedding anniversary, and my husband and I were having this beautiful dinner at the top of, you know, a restaurant downtown, beautiful, area 31, beautiful scenery, you know, on the rooftop with a glass of champagne, and we’re celebrating and made toast, what I believed was going to be a toast to our marriage. He says, “Hey, babe. So, you know, I really want to start a family so, you know, all of your philanthropy and all of your events that you do for charity, and all these things that I know that you love, and that I love about you, but that just take up a lot of time, I don’t want to do that anymore. I want us to focus on starting a family.”. And in that moment, I had a choice, thankfully, I had been practicing yoga, I’m a yoga teacher, and I know that there’s a space between response and reaction. But I realized that I had two choices. First, I could listen to the voice, you know, on one side that’s really angry, really angry at him right now for like, “What? You’re telling me to, like, stop working on my dreams and my goals and my passion in life because you want you know, kids, and you want me to just be like a stay at home mom and pop out children? Like, that’s what you want?”. So, I could like, throw my champagne at him and be like, “Ugh!”, angry; that’s one side, she was there, she was very present. And on the other side, I could breathe, and experience the present moment, smile, and feel thankful to have a partner or a spouse that loves me and sees me enough to acknowledge that my charity work, my philanthropic heart, my events that I plan, what I fill my time with up until that point is very important to me, and we’re celebrating our anniversary, and he wants to start a family and we want to have kids. And I could just be thankful for that in that moment. So, thankfully, I chose the latter because I’ve done a lot of work on my own self awareness and emotional intelligence, but I wanted to be honest, and say, the angry one was there. And in that moment was very important because I made a decision, I’m like, “You know what? This is– I want a family too.”, I had just, had always prioritize my work and you know, when you’re passionate about what you do, I was just blindly following that path.

So, in 2017, very, you know, at the start of 2017, we, you know, intentionally started to try and have a family and have a baby and I was so happy. The day that I was boarding you know, a Royal Caribbean cruise ship to go on a seven-day cruise in the Caribbean, I feel weird. I’m like, “Let me take a home pregnancy test to make sure that I mean, everything okay. Because if I’m pregnant, I don’t want to spend seven days drinking, you know, Margaritas or whatever, I want to make sure that I know.”. So, sure enough, I went, I did the test, I did two of them, I’m pregnant. Yay! I am so happy about it and nervous and all the feelings that you feel.

Betsy: Stopped drinking margaritas.

Marly Q: Absolutely not. I didn’t even do a jet skis, I didn’t do anything. And my husband was really happy, we celebrated it. I mean, we enjoyed this vacation to the max because now we were celebrating not just going on a summer vacation, but we were pregnant, we’re starting a family; we did it. So, I waited till we came back, and I was actually about 12 weeks pregnant before I went to the doctor for the first time. We go to the doctor and my family, I’m Cuban, I had my whole Cuban family in the lobby, waiting for you know, the party, the fiesta, outside. My husband and I go in, the doctor, you know comes and does the sonogram and I’m laying back, I don’t really see the screen or anything, but I don’t hear him say anything and he just, you know, finishes, asks me to sit up and says, “Your uterus is empty. There’s nothing there, you’re not pregnant, you must have had a missed abortion.”. And he got his clipboard and he left the room, and the two nurses that were there left the room and that was it. And my husband’s there, and I didn’t even have the courage to lift my eyes up to look at him. I didn’t think about how I felt, even though I had a huge knot in my throat similar to the one that I have right now, by the way, and all I thought about was my family outside, “Oh, my God. Everybody’s so happy about this pregnancy, and I’m not pregnant. How did I miss an abortion? What do you mean?”, I have never even heard that phrase; I think it’s a horrible, horrible phrase and there was zero kindness, zero kindness, not that he was unkind, he was just kind of very cold and professional and matter of fact about what he was seeing. And in that moment, I felt an immense amount of hurt and pain, but it was mostly directed at, “I don’t want to disappoint others, I don’t want to disappoint my family, I don’t want to disappoint my husband.”, I didn’t even look at him. I said, “I’m sorry, I can’t go outside, I need you to tell the family, I’m going to like escape through the back and just get in the car and I want to go home, I don’t want to see anybody.”.

And that was, I guess, the beginning, interestingly enough because it was only a couple years ago, the beginning of me, for the first time in my life actually allowing myself the kindness, allowing myself the time to be kind to me and how I was feeling and be sad, sit with the hurt, sit with the pain, sit with the loss. I’m an event planner, also for the last 20 years so, immediately, when I peed on the stick, so to speak, I was already planning a baby shower, I was planning, “Oh, if it’s a girl, this. Oh, if it’s a boy, that. Oh.”, you know, planning, planning, planning, already in the future. So, for me, that was really the first time I ever experienced, I ever allowed myself to experience loss and hurt and pain. At first, it was directed at just disappointing other people and not wanting to disappoint them but I’ve done enough work where I just allowed myself the time and the space to be sad and my husband, thankfully, I have a partner who is immensely kind and compassionate and sat there with me in the sadness. And those comments, which I’m sure we’ll, you know, people listening may resonate with, you know, from family, mostly family actually because I didn’t even tell any friends that I was going through this, in their effort to try and get me out of sadness would say things like, “Well, at least you know that you can get pregnant. At least you weren’t further along in the pregnancy, because that would have been worse. At least–“, you know, it just trying to say things that in their mind was helpful or like, “Hey, you know, I went through this and I don’t even remember it anymore, it doesn’t matter like, time will erase that from your memory.”. And those things, even though they were trying to be helpful in kind of that moment, were actually very hurtful, because in that moment, I was experiencing sadness and pain and it’s almost like they didn’t allow me the time and the space to just be sad for a moment, but my husband did. We came back home and I’m like, “I just don’t want to talk to anybody. I don’t want to see anybody. I just need a little time to be kind to myself and feel this.”, and it didn’t take very long. I was sad for maybe a couple days but my husband and I made just a decision to have that be the spark of us, really, we celebrated the fact that, hey we really want– we solidified the decision that we want to start a family and that because there’s this loss on our first try, it doesn’t mean that there’s you know, we’re destined for like loss. I actually had a family member tell me, “Oh my God, I had a dream that you weren’t ever going to have kids again, that you weren’t ever going to have kids.”. Oh, goodness, wow, what a hurtful thing to say, she didn’t mean it that way, I forgive her.

But I mean, this was my experience and why I really worked to just kind of shelter myself from what anybody else had to say to me, and really just tapped into my own self love and kindness and compassion and empathy for what I was feeling and able to turn that, by feeling it and not distracting or dismissing or denying it, allow that pain to be a little bridge, holding my husband’s hand together and saying, “Let’s try again.”. And within just a few months, that happened in June of 2017, by October of 2017 I was pregnant again. I just celebrated my son’s second birthday and I’m eight months pregnant with my second child, and the amount of just, joy that has come from honestly, not just their births and their life but I think really from, again, allowing myself the time, the space and the kindness to just feel sad. Because it just solidified the fact that I really wanted to start a family and to try again and try again.

Betsy: How beautiful. What a beautiful way of viewing your loss. You know, Marly, you’ve mentioned a couple of things that made me reflect on what I teach about overcoming that pain of loss. And the first one is that I believe in a super tool like, I think this is like an amazing, amazing clinical tool in helping us heal, and it’s reframing. And reframing means that we change the perspective with which we’re looking at something into one that’s more positive, to help us view it in a different light. So, we change the lens, so that we view it in a different light in order to feel differently about it. Because when we speak to our subconscious through our thoughts or our words, we’re telling it what to feel, right? Like, the subconscious mind believes whatever you tell it, it doesn’t question it, and the subconscious mind also is in charge of creating the emotions associated with those thoughts. So, when we reframe, we tell the subconscious mind that what seemed to be a tragedy really is a blessing, so that the subconscious mind can then create emotions aligned with that new perspective, right? So, it is a powerful tool in helping us heal but I have had clients that are the kings and queens of reframing and they learned from early on, to change the perspective of something so that they can avoid and escape pain. And it was so interesting that recently, I had a client that was going through a lot of grief, he had broken up with his girlfriend, and he was in a lot of pain and we realized that what was preventing him from moving forward was that he was such a good reframer, which is a gift.

So, reframing is usually a gift if you use it at the right time but if you’re using reframing to escape the pain, or to not sit with it, then it may be dangerous. And what happens is that, many times our family members and our loved ones don’t want to see us suffer, they cannot stand the thought or the view of seeing us in pain. So, they want to immediately reframe for us, change the perspective so that we can feel better. And many times it’s because they mean well for the most part, it’s because they mean well, other times, it’s because they don’t know what to do with pain and it’s too uncomfortable, not to see you in pain, but to not– to feel like there’s nothing they can do or they don’t know how to act in front of that pain of yours. So, many times, people wanting to make you feel better or wanting to make it more– wanting to remove that pain from you, they reframe in an untimely manner, and that’s why so many people that experience loss, hear all sorts of things, right? Like, “Oh, you lost a child, oh, but you’ll have other ones”, or, “You lost a child but you know, at least you lose her at 18 and you would have had more time with her.”. And then for me, it’s like, “But right, but then I didn’t get all those memories and experiences with her.”. And the truth is that, at the end of the– or, I’ve heard people say like, “Oh, but it was a miscarriage, like no big deal. You know, like you didn’t even know, you’re fine. You didn’t even meet the kid so.”, but that’s alive and it was you– you procreated that with God, and it was the beginning of your family and it was a dream. So, people don’t realize that it’s not just losing a life, it’s losing your life as you knew it, and it’s losing your dreams, and your procreation, and so many things, right? Like, grief can be so complex. So, I loved how you shared how the people were reframing for you and it wasn’t until you were ready to reframe, after feeling that pain, that then it became a healthy tool for you to use.

Marly Q: Yeah, absolutely, that’s a great way to reflect and to put it. That’s wonderful, that’s exactly what it was.

Betsy: And then the other thing that you said that caught my attention is, you kept on mentioning your husband and I really admire your relationship, I’m a big fan of healthy, beautiful relationships and I have devoted much of my career to helping people accomplish that. So, I really treasure and appreciate that in other people so, congrats for building that with your husband. But another thing that came to mind is something that I wholeheartedly believe is important in our process of overcoming grief and that is that, you, we all need a team, you know, man is not an island and we were created for a community and to live and experience in community. And during the process of loss, the people that you surround yourself with, you know, are important in helping you heal or go backwards. And I feel it’s so beautiful that you chose a person that was willing to sit in pain with you and be uncomfortable about the fact that he couldn’t take that away from you. Because obviously when you love someone, you really want to take the pain away but he loves you so much that he was willing to put himself in that uncomfortable situation and position to hold space for you and to allow you to feel and I feel it’s because of that, that it didn’t last months, it didn’t last longer, right? Because you had a companion that allowed you to feel and then, was ready for you, when you were ready to recommit to trying again and making a difference.

Marly Q: We never lost the hope and the faith that you know, we’re going to have a family so, let’s just feel through this. We ended up being happy that we tried and that we were successful on the first try, if you will, even if it didn’t come to complete fruition, right? So, we were able to completely reframe it but exactly like you said, was only after we allowed that little bit of time to just feel the sadness and the pain and the loss and kind of tune or turn off, you know, the volume and the noise from everybody else, whether it was well intended, I don’t think anybody was, you know, intentionally trying to hurt me more. But I’m telling you, every other comment really did– was doing the opposite of what I actually needed in that moment of pain and loss, which is just some kindness and empathy which is feeling with people, not trying to problem solve or, you know, deflect or reframe in an unproductive way at that moment.

Betsy: And piggybacking on this example, one of the ways in which people who are experiencing grief, one of the ways in which they show their hurt is through anxiety, right? Like, they have so much built up that they become anxious and scared and nervous, and they have panic attacks and sometimes it seems like it came from nowhere, but really, it’s because they have so much accumulated.

And I know Marly, that through the work that you’ve done, by being a yoga teacher and spreading kindness and even coming from a home where you learned to be anxious, right? Like, to be stressed out all the time, can you share a little bit about what you have created to help people stress less and have a practice that allows them to connect spiritually and be at peace?

Marly Q: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much, because I think that it really has been a journey and it continues to be a journey. I think it’s a lifelong journey of self-love and kindness and the more that we can be there for ourselves, like you beautifully shared in the example, the more we strengthen our muscle and our capacity to be there truly, authentically for others. So, there’s this contradiction that I was absolutely raised with, the most beautiful, giving, generous and selfless mother of all time, who modeled how to be there for everybody else but yourself. So, as my greatest role model, I modeled that and I was really good at it, I’m talking about girl, I got like over 12 scholarships for all of my community service work and Hall of Fame for 5000 something hours of service projects and all these like you know, outward praise for being there for other people, really good at that muscle, really weak, the muscle of expressing any kind of kindness towards myself. And I really feel like I’m the first one in my family to kind of break that generational pattern of not expressing kindness towards self. I was also raised in a Catholic home, I was totally raised to believe service above self, and I believe these things, I’m an incredibly generous person and everything I do is about service to others. And now, there’s so much more power and “success” in the work that I’m doing, because I’ve learned how to direct some of that kindness towards myself first, without sacrificing any of my other responsibilities, without dismissing my family, or my kids or anything. If anything, I’m even more present and more available for them, because I’ve been able to fill my cup.

So, with this whole pandemic, and everything that’s been going on, as an event planner, my events business, as a speaker, teacher, an event creator, for the last 20 years, has been based on creating live events for others, and that business crumbled within the span of a week. And I had the opportunity, if we’re talking about loss and pain, I mean, that’s not of a life, but that’s my business, my livelihood. I allowed myself the kindness to kind of freak out a little bit and be like, “What is happening here?”, like, every single event for the rest of the year canceled, and I have a baby on the way and I allowed myself the kindness to, “What are we going to do here? We have a decision to make.”, allow myself the kindness to not flood my body with cortisol and stress hormones and you know, and affect my baby and I would be like “Hang on, this is– I can’t– this is outside of my control, why stress myself out to a point like I used to, over things that I just simply cannot control? I need to experience them, I need to allow myself the opportunity to experience what’s happening, not make it better than it is, not make it worse than it is, just see it as it is, and then make a decision from that point.”. That was the birth of my podcast Time to be Kind with Marly Q, which I was so grateful that you were on as one of my guests, that was the birth of me starting to think of, “Okay, great, how can I still speak and teach my message about kindness, and create kind of a virtual event experience, where I’m teaching some of the things that I’ve learned?”. So, I created my very first online course called The BEST Way to Stress Less, and I am a lover of acronyms, I am an acronomist, someone called me in a acronomist one time, and I’m like, “What?”, I have never identified with a title more than acronomist, lover of acronyms.

So, BEST is an acronym for my four step method for how to allow yourself to practice self care and putting yourself first even, if you think that you’re too busy, and you have no extra time, money or energy to put into dedicating time for yourself. So, I created a course that’s basically for beginners and seasoned, you know, professionals alike. And by what I mean by professionals is people that have been practicing self care or into yoga or workout or have some kind of self care practice, this course can still teach you a very simple and effective way to actually practice for things that you can do individually or at the same time, that’s the beautiful thing about it, is that you can practice it absolutely anytime, anywhere, and still be infusing in your system, love and kindness and self care and putting yourself first, even if we’re living in a time where you can’t go to the gym, and you can’t go you know and interact with other people the way that you used to, how can you still fill your cup?

Betsy: And I have to tell you that that’s what I loved the most about your course, I devoured Marly Q’s course, because I really didn’t consume it, I devoured it, I was so hooked, you have such beautiful energy and you exude this love and kindness, and I couldn’t have enough of you. So, and what I love the most about your course, is how simple it is, because I think one of the problems that prevents people from consuming these kinds of personal development tools, or even spiritual tools, because I think what you teach has a lot to do with being present, with being still, with finding your inner wisdom, with connecting with your peace, right? Instead of like, always be reacting to life and be stressed out and be anxious, I feel that the tools that you gave us are so simple that anybody can practice them. But simple means, in this case, powerful, because they’re doable, because they’re simple, but they’re powerful. And I find, I am an acronym lover too and I absolutely loved and was amazed by your brilliancy in creating these acronyms, I have to say. And there are times that I’m like, just yesterday, I had a unimportant webinar, and I was like, a little stressed and overwhelmed like, “BEST, B-E-S-T.”, I’m not going to tell them so that it’s a surprise, but I went over them and I practiced it and in five minutes, like I am into the practice of silent prayer, which is a Christian meditation or, and for years, I wanted to start practicing that, but I’m like, “Ugh, I don’t have 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the afternoon, and I don’t have the time.”, and what’s beautiful about your practice and what you share and teach is that, there’s no excuse, because it takes five minutes, and you can do them, you can do those exercises while you’re driving, in the shower. Whereas you can’t meditate while you’re driving, you could crash, what you teach us is simple, powerful, and so doable. So, thank you for that because you reminded me when I listened to that, and I’ve recommended your program to many of my clients, when I consumed it, it reminded me that the answers many times are not in the complex things, right? Like, are not like, “Oh, my gosh, to be able to overcome loss I have to go through all these stages and I have to process this way, and I have to do this and that and I have to feel the pain, and it’s unbearable. And I can’t feel the pain because I’m not capable and I’m not strong enough, and she’s stronger than me.”. And we have all these ideas as to how we need to do something to overcome the adversity that we’re in, including anxiety, and we don’t realize that the answer many times lies in the simple gestures and acts.

Marly Q: It’s in the simple things, the simple things that you do for others, but also in the simple things that you do for yourself. And I’m big self help and personal development person as well, I could love courses, but the truth is, a very small amount of people that actually purchase a self development or self help course actually complete it. I was on a mission to create a course that I can guarantee you will finish, and hopefully with my help throughout the four weeks of coaching with you and practicing it with you, will stay with you. Because we’re never going to eliminate stress, we’re never going to eliminate pain and loss from life, it is part of the human experience. What we need to do is learn a simple way and an effective way and a way that actually you know connects, which I think through acronyms makes it easy for you to remember, “I just need to do my best.”. And even in the phrase, the best way to stress less is to always do your best, just do your best and allow yourself the kindness to be like, “Even if I didn’t make it to the gym today. Even if I didn’t eat super healthy today. Even if I didn’t get my eight hours of sleep today. Even if my kids were rambunctious today and I had to scream at them because I lost my patience and I was so stressed out. Even if my clients at work are driving me crazy. Even if there’s a pandemic and even if my business crumble then, etc, etc.”, even if you’re experiencing an immense amount of stress, pain, loss, if you can just remember to do your best and allow yourself the kindness to go through these four very simple steps, I promise you, you will be giving yourself so much love and kindness, so much of a gift that will not just let you stress less but really just fill you up with kindness, which is what I truly believe is a superpower of a gift that you can give yourself. And then you can start again the next day and just do your best, and do your best and that’s really all that we can ever ask of ourselves and of others, if you can just believe that everyone is just trying to do their best to get through a very challenging world and no one’s life is easy, just remember to do your best, and believe that others, you know, have the capacity to do their best. Everybody’s not always doing their best, but they have the capacity to do their best, I think is definitely a way to just live a life with less stress. And this is coming from someone, friends, I’m not saying this from any kind of high horse or like, oh, super, you know, enlightened being, no. This is coming from someone who has experienced an immense amount of stress, worry and anxiety in her life, because that’s how I was raised, what was modeled for me and what I believed was almost virtuous, right? If I don’t worry and stress about everything, and everyone, then it means I don’t care, right? This is what I believed, and I learned from that place. So, I have experienced a lot of pain and suffering and loss of self living from that place. And my transformation, I’m just so grateful because it really just started with some awareness, just started with some awareness of how unkind I was being, and how truly, I don’t deserve that, right? You don’t deserve that either.

Betsy: Absolutely not, you deserve to be kind to yourself.

Marly Q: Yeah. Everybody deserves to be kind to themselves. If you want kindness from other people, if you want kindness from the world, if you want kindness from your partner, you want kindness from your parents or from your kids, that means it’s probably a mirror or a reflection that you are not practicing kindness towards yourself. It has to start with you, it absolutely has to and I believe that I was given a gift of this best way to stress less through, call it divine inspiration, if you will. I have received that as a gift, I’ve practiced it in my life, I practice it every day and now, I was given the gift, through my business crumbling, through loss, let’s circle this back to the point of this conversation, through loss of life as I knew it, was given the gift to create something new, and to be of service to other people in the process. So, I’m incredibly proud of myself for first, creating the course, something that I never thought I would do, because I am not a virtual, you know, person I’ve become one all of a sudden, but really to be able to put my heart and my mission of spreading kindness into a course that can reach a much greater number of people that I can reach on a one to one or on a per event basis. So, I’m just very grateful for the opportunity to have shared it with you, to share it with your audience and to share it with the greatest number of people that I can.

Betsy: That’s beautiful, thank you for that heart, that generous heart and that kind of heart you have and that you share with us, you really, really, really inspire me to practice that kindness and especially with myself, because I am really good about always coming from a place of service to others and I forget sometimes to do so with myself and then I can’t give my best during those times, it’s not my 100% that I know, right? It’s a different percentage, because I’m depleted. So, being kind to yourself is definitely–

Marly Q: And you can be kind to you and to others better, actually better, you can be way better at being kinder to others when you’re kinder to yourself first. It’s amazing, it boggles the mind sometimes like, “Oh, but if I’m kind to myself then I can’t, you know, have to put everything else first.”, try it, try doing your best.

Betsy: From a place of like, a finite place like, the mind wants to make everything that’s infinite, finite, and love, kindness, all of those virtues are infinite. So, absolutely, that doesn’t mean that if you’re being kind to yourself, you’re taking away from other people, it’s quite the opposite, it just doesn’t make sense in our very squared mindset and finite way of thinking. Because it is an amazing and beautiful experience like, to go through your course and it’s so doable really like in a 10 minute drive, you consume that week’s content and then you get to practice it daily and it just takes five minutes and you could do it, you could multitask. I don’t recommend that you multitask but even just the four steps, you can put them together, right? Like, what I love about that is that it’s not four steps that you have to do one first and the other one, you brilliantly combine all four steps into one so that people can kind of connect with it and can practice it at the same time and it literally is just five minutes and you can do that in the shower, you can definitely do that in the shower.

Marly Q: I love doing my BEST in the shower.

Betsy: You have time, like no excuse, you could do that in bed while laying in bed, when you wake up, when you go to sleep. I love that you mentioned about those two times, because my experience with my clients has been that those are the two times that they feel the most anxious so, no excuses. Best way to stress less is by going to her course and learning what she teaches, those four steps that are going to allow you to free yourself from anxiety and having these recurring thoughts that are not serving you and that are not kind to yourself. So, thank you, thank you, thank you Marly for sharing your wisdom, thank you for sharing your story and for being with us and for teaching us to be kinder to ourselves.

OUTRO

Marly Q: Yes! Thank YOU for making time to be kind. If you want the link to listen to the full interview with Dr. Betsy, learn more about her Hurt 2 Hope program and/or get on the wait list for my next BEST Way to Stress Less course, just visit this episode’s show notes and transcription page at marlyQ.com/29

And in case you missed last week’s episode, Dr. Betsy is offering a special discount code and a free scholarship for her Hurt to Hope program for someone from our Kind Qrew who decides to PARK & share a review referencing Ep 28 or 29. You can find the details & direct links at MarlyQ.com/29