Blog – Marly Q

About Our Guest:

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialization in EMDR and Human Design. Her expertise lies in “Soul Aligned Wellness” and the practical application of Human Design as a self-discovery tool. Cynthia’s profound insights into human energy types shed light on optimizing wellness, effectiveness, and life experiences. Her contributions in understanding the nuances of human energy and its impact on personal and professional relationships, as well as larger systems, make her a valuable resource in the field of mental and emotional well-being.

Connect with Cynthia Mendez Tamayo

Website: soulalignedwellness.org

Instagram: @cynthia.soulalignedwellness

Email: Cynthia@soulalignedwellness.org

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 03: What makes manKIND? with Dr. Eva Ritvo

EP 13: Living in Gratitude with Vismaya Rubin

EP 34: Don’t Quit on You with Marly Q

TRANSCRIPTION:

Marly Q 00:00:00

Are we designed to be kind? You may or may not believe that. So in today’s episode, we’re going to explore that question and learn about a logical system that helps us to better understand our own nature and human design. Stay tuned.

Marly Q 00:00:27

Welcome, friends. Thank you so much for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and our special guest PARKer, today. She is the founder of Soul Aligned Wellness. She’s a licensed marriage and family therapist with specialized training in maternal mental health, EMDR therapy, and quantum human design, which I cannot wait for us to dive into and learn more about. Welcome to the show. Cynthia Mendez Tamayo.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:00:50

Hi.

Marly Q 00:00:52

Welcome. Thank you so much for making Time to Be Kind.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:00:55

Of course. I’m so excited to speak on this topic.

Marly Q 00:00:58

Yes. So first, I’m going to put you on the spot. What’s a PARKer? Do you know what a PARKer is? Because I just referred to as a PARKer, and those listening are PARKers, too. Do you know what a PARKer is?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:01:07

Someone who performs random acts of kindness.

Marly Q 00:01:11

Yes.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:01:11

Did I get that right?

Marly Q 00:01:12

The word we have to flip one word, but yes. You got it. You got it. I put all of my guests on the spot here just to test the lingo. Is it landing? So a PARKer is a person that performs acts of random kindness, right? People like you and me and us listening, who are out in the world, being that spark of change that we wish to see in the world. The purpose of this podcast is to inspire and influence and unite more PARKers so that we really can shift our world and our culture into one that’s more kind and of service to one another. So thank you for being that spark and making that time today.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:01:45

Absolutely.

Marly Q 00:01:46

Yeah. So I want to just kind of jump right into it, I would love your take on wellness, and specifically Soul Aligned Wellness. What does that mean?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:02:07

So the idea behind Soul Aligned Wellness is that wellness is not a one size fits all type of experience. Right. And I think that when we talk about self care and when we talk about we as a collective, right, there seems to be a lot of ideas on how to do it right or wrong. But this idea of it being soul aligned is that we each have a very particular way of taking care of ourselves and of others, right. The people that are around us. And if we do this in a way that is so aligned, then we are able to. The term that I like to use is get more bang for our buck, right? Like, if we’re doing all the things, we’re not really able to optimize, the things that help us restore. And in that restorative process, we’re able to show up as the best version of ourselves. And I think that being able to explore this and do it in a way that is very individualized and supportive, right. Because if the individual is functioning optimally, then it supports the system. And that’s really where I come from, looking at things from a systemic point of view as a marriage and family therapist, right.

Marly Q 00:03:11

So we talk about a systemic point of view. Let’s talk about what that means, right. Like, it’s not just you being aligned with your own soul’s purpose and your own wellness, right. But that also affects the system with which you live in, right? Your family system, your work system, your community. Right. So talk to us a little bit more about that.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:03:29

Right. So when I started to go through my clinical process, when I started school, there were different philosophies, right? There was the mental health track, major family tracks, social work track. And the reason why I landed on the one that I did was because of this idea of the systemic point of view, right. Looking at the family systems and all these systems that we exist in, because there’s many and you mentioned a few of them. So this idea of the individual doesn’t exist in a bubble, right. We’re impacted by those around us, and we impact those around us whenever. For example, I have a couple a person come to therapy, and they’re telling me that they’re having marital issues and they’re like, oh, but I can’t drag my partner to come. They’re against therapy or whatever reasons they bring. What I explain to them is that just by coming as an individual, we are able to impact the system. Right. Because if we change the way that we show up, then we create a ripple effect in those around us. Right. If I show up differently, you have to respond to me differently. So that creates we always think that as one person, we can’t create that change. Right. You hear people say this all the time, oh, but it’s just me, but nobody in my family wants to do it. I’m the only one that’s interested. And usually the person that’s interested in impacting the system is the person that ends up carrying the pathology, right. Because they end up carrying the burden of the system. So I just tell them, if you can show up authentically, then your needs can be met and you can help meet the needs of the people around you. The first place to start is understanding yourself. You’d be surprised how many people come to therapy and they really have no idea who they are, what they want, what lights them up, what they desire to do who they desire to be. So that seems to be the starting place and that’s how we impact the systems.

Marly Q 00:05:08

Self discovery, soul alignment, really taking stock of who we are as individuals, but also as the collective right? And how one person does impact the system and the world, the collective right? I definitely believe in personal responsibility. I believe in personal development. I have been an avid student in personal development for well over 20 years. And one of the systems that I’ve landed upon fairly recently and has really made an impact has been this quantum human design. Can you tell us what is human design?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:05:40

So, human design is relatively new and what it is is a synthesis of Eastern and Western philosophy. So it combines astrology, the Chinese Iqing, the Hindu Chakra system, the Kabbalah system, and quantum physics. And through combining and synthesizing all these different philosophies, it came up with what they call an Energy Blueprint, which shows you how you optimally function from an energetic standpoint.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:06:06

Right?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:06:06

Like how are you able to use your energy in a way that is effortless?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:06:12

Really?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:06:12

Because if you’re living in alignment, it shouldn’t feel hard, right? Because you’re showing up in a way that feels in the flow for you instead of resisting. And when we’re all able to do that, then together there’s a lot of individuality in this too, I think a lot of our systems are focused to create kind of like cookie cutter experiences of all of us. And it works for some people if the system was created for that specific energy type. But there are a lot of outliers that then end up struggling and feeling different or feeling like they don’t belong. So by having this Energy Blueprint, I’m able to guide my clients on how to use their energy in a way that makes sense and how to understand the people around them in a way that makes sense so that they can work with them and not against them. Yeah.

Marly Q 00:06:58

So human design isn’t like a philosophy or like some theory or like some cult, right? It really is kind of like a logical system that brings together all these different principles and modalities for people who might be listening, who’ve never heard of human design. What might be the best way to kind of get started understanding, right. Like the different types in human design, for example, overview level.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:07:24

So the human design or chart can give very complex and very detailed. But the biggest takeaway for people and where I would start when I start working with my clients, where I start is just understanding their energy type. There are five energy types generator, manifesting, generator reflector, Projector and manifester. And each energy type shows up differently, right? They function differently, they each have a different role to play within society. And just by understanding how those energies show up and what they need to be able to show up consistently is half the battle. So I can give examples of this in my own family system. I am a generator. Generators are the builders, right? We have all the energy, we do all the things. We are the workers. As long as we are doing the thing that lights us up, we can literally wake up and hit the ground running and literally fall out at the end of the day.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:08:20

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:08:20

And that’s how we’re designed to function. And we want to work. It is our purpose. My husband is a projector. Projectors are the keepers of wisdom. They are not designed to work the typical nine to five job and they will burn out very quickly. Something that I do want to be clear within human design is that it’s not about we can or cannot do anything. We can all do all of the things.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:08:43

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:08:44

The take home point is that if we do something that is not aligned with us, with who we are, with our energy type, we are probably going to be very unhappy.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:08:53

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:08:53

So it’s not that my husband cannot work a nine to five. He does work a nine to five, but it is not the most conducive type of environment for him to really live out in his authentic highest self.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:09:06

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:09:06

So that to me was so mind blowing to understand because it allowed me to understand not only the experience he’s having working a nine to five, but also the experience that we have once he comes home from that nine to five.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:09:20

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:09:20

And just how he can participate differently in the responsibilities we have as parents and running a household. And before understanding this, it could lead to a lot of resentment or blaming or just not understanding why is the person showing up differently. And we can attach meanings, and I talk about that a lot, right. How we attach stories to the things that happen. If my husband gets home and he’s depleted because literally the energy he has has been depleted at his nine to five and he comes home and is not able to do a whole lot at home, I could very easily say he doesn’t love us, he’s lazy, he doesn’t care.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:09:55

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:09:55

And see how this but just those little statements, those little stories that I, those seeds that I’ve planted in my mind can create a host of issues in the marital relationship and in the parenting relationship.

Marly Q 00:10:06

And human design helps you to just basically better understand your design, right. And your best way of being efficient with your energy.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:10:16

Right.

Marly Q 00:10:16

So I’d like to share the way that I came across human design was kind of unconventional. I was in a clubhouse room in December of 2021. I believe I was in a little bit of a rut.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:10:29

Right.

Marly Q 00:10:29

I had kind of lost my business, my event planning business, due to the pandemic. And I’m really kind of hitting this pause. Brand new mom with two kids now and figuring out how I’m going to rebuild. And I was in a clubhouse room and just sharing how I just felt so burnt out and I didn’t really have clarity on my next step. Even though I know what my soul alignment is or I feel I know what my calling is, is kindness, right. But how can I really turn this into a business now where I just focus all of my energy on that? And I was sharing this and the person that was leading the clubhouse room was like, I think you’re a projector. Have you ever heard about human design and this and that? And I had no idea what she was talking about. And you have very limited amount of time in clubhouse to speak and interact. So I just wrote it down. I’m like, human design projector. What’s she talking about? I’m thinking about a projector from like back in the days that you put overhead projectors in schools. I’m really dating myself here and yes, that’s what I thought. I’m like, what is she talking about? Anyways, then I look into it and being kind of like the avid student that I am, I went down this rabbit hole. I did my chart and I’m looking at this super complex system that just really spoke to me and helped me to understand so much of my experience in life. Right. Was not aligned. And even though I have always been a high achiever, I feel like I’ve always been on my purpose to spread kindness and do my volunteer, my philanthropic work. And everything that I’ve been doing, I’ve always felt like I was doing the aligned work, but not in the aligned way. That was actually sustainable for me to carry out this mission sustainably for the Rest of my life. Right. So learning that I’m a projector that has her own energy but that I don’t have this consistent flow of energy and how important rest is to me and my ability to actually show up for others was really life changing. I’m like what this was like news to someone who has really worked her butt off her entire life. Was raised in a very immigrant household who believes in hard work and there’s no rest. Right. You work on sunday, you work all the time. And I was just raised by generators, I guess. And I only realized this. I’m about to turn 40 people well into my 30s.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:12:39

But projectors typically burn out between 35 and 40. If they’re not living doing things in an aligned way.

Marly Q 00:12:46

Well, then I was very much on track and I did burn out completely there. And I find it to be such a gift and I’m so grateful to that person that I don’t even know who she is, who just mentioned to me you might be a projector. Have you looked into this? So that was really the spark and the reason why I asked you to be on the show, right, and to share this. Because if we could all just learn a little bit more about ourselves, right, the self discovery, so that we can actually show up in this world, like, authentically as who we are and being in alignment with our energy and our strategy for making decisions and all of that. My goodness. Not just for you, but like you said, for your family and at work. So how can knowing your human design and that of your team at work help us function better?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:13:48

So the beautiful thing in creating teams using human design is that you can create a team in a way that highlights the skills, like the strengths of each person, right? So if I have, let’s say you and I were working together. You’re a projector, I’m a generator. You were the keeper of wisdom, right? You were probably going to see the areas that need adjustment, that need to be fixed. For example, your mission in wanting to spread kindness, right. Seeing that there’s a need for kindness in the world. Myself, as a generator, I would come in and be like, oh, Marly, that’s great. So you want to do this now, how do we create I can create the work in it, right? Like, put the pieces together to build the system or the way of doing it. Now we can get into very specific parts of the chart where it’ll explain what are the things that you so when we look at specific gates, like what are the things that you bring to the table that are very easy for you to do? So, for example, in my chart, I have the channel 37 40, which is about community, but also about contracts, which is a lot of the work that I do in relationships, right? Relationships, in a sense, it are contracts. They’re contracts that we make with other individuals, whether they’re spoken or unspoken.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:15:05

Right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:15:05

So one of the things that I’m really good at is seeing how you can create a contract with another person, how you can enter a relationship with another person in a way that is fair and sustainable for all the people involved, right. That it’s a win win situation. So knowing that that is my strength and that I can come to a team and say this is what I offer.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:15:27

Right?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:15:27

This is one example. There are many others within our chart because we have many skills as individuals. And then you can come in and bring your skills to the table and we’re all going to be happy and a well oiled machine because everybody’s doing the thing that feels good for them instead of feeling like they’re doing that one thing that I really don’t want to do because it doesn’t light me up. I mean, sometimes we have to do the thing we don’t want to do, right? I want to be clear about that. But when we’re doing it as a means to an end, it’s different than when this has just become our reality.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:15:58

Right?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:15:58

Instead of bringing in the person who.

Marly Q 00:16:00

Is going to be lit up by.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:16:01

That so that you can do the part that you’re lit up by because that’s where you’re going to shine. And when everybody shines, then we create that systemic impact.

Marly Q 00:16:09

Absolutely. It’s been life like transformational to even and I don’t know everything about my chart. I know very kind of like tier one, level one understanding of my human design body graph and even that at an elementary level has really, really made a big difference. And understanding my children’s chart and my husband who’s a generator and I’m a projector, really understanding our dynamic, it just helped so much to just understand because at the end of the day, don’t you just want to feel like understood?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:16:36

Right?

Marly Q 00:16:37

Now I take rest as like it’s like my divine right is to rest it. This is like unheard of, right? Like pre Marly Q, a couple, I don’t know, five, six years ago rest it’s like no way. And I know that I could like you said, it’s not that I can’t perform like a generator. Sure I can. I have built and achieved and goals and been on this hamster wheel of doing doing my entire life until I totally burnt out and realized this is not sustainable. This is not even like what I want to be doing. It shouldn’t feel so hard to show up in life as myself.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:17:12

Right?

Marly Q 00:17:12

And it just really, really gave me this better understanding of myself and others. I see how it helps within my family system, even bringing it to my work as a leadership trainer when I’m doing team building workshops and retreats. I’m not teaching human design, I’m not qualified to do that at all. But I definitely see the value in bringing this kind of information and understanding to our workplaces. It’s not a personality test, it’s not a skills like finder. It is literally a chart of your body graph and it’s based on your birth date and time and the place for any critics out there, like my husband included, that people that might be like, oh well, who comes up with this manifesto and generator and projector and reflectors? Who comes up with all of this information? What would you say to my critics out there?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:17:57

I can get into an explanation as to how it came up and how they did it. And it gets very scientific when you look at even the concept of understanding astrology before, I never fully understood like, okay, so they get your birth time, your birth information, how do they come up with this information? And there is an explanation behind it. But I think rather than getting into the explanation of how they came up with it, what I would say to somebody that asked me that question, your husband included, is experience human design. I have not met somebody yet that has not experienced it. And he’s been open to having their chart looked at that has not had this information provided to them and has had the reaction of, god, I feel seen probably for the first time ever, right? And I think in that experience of feeling seen, the rest of the stuff doesn’t really matter, right? It doesn’t really matter how they came up with it. It just matters that it is almost like you’re wearing like a blindfold and all of a sudden this blindfold falls off and you’re like, there I am. Like, for the first time I see my reflection in the mirror and I haven’t have an understanding of who I am because that was when I had my first human design reading. So I’ve always been very aligned. So there was one thing about my reading that felt good, that I was like, yes, I’m aligned, right? I’m very aligned with my strategy and my type. But more than anything, it was this idea of it all resonates. And when I saw that it all resonated, I was like, pull my kids charts, pull my husband’s chart, pull everybody’s chart. And in seeing their charts, there was also a deep understanding of who they are because I was already seeing it. I didn’t need anybody to prove it to me. I didn’t need anybody to explain to me how this was real because it was automatically a tool that I knew that I could use to shift the dynamic of my family. And around the time, maybe a little bit before I discovered this, we were going through a hard time as a family. I mean, there were conversations of possibly separating. We were struggling in our relationship and parenting. There was so much going on. And once I was able to receive this information, it completely changed the way that I viewed the family dynamic, my family dynamic. If somebody wants to sit down and get into the history, I can provide them with resources on how it got here and why it is backed by science.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:20:15

Right?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:20:15

But I think even if I did that, it would feel so complex that the question wouldn’t really be answered for the person. So what I would say is that they really need to just experience it and then decide for themselves.

Marly Q 00:20:25

I love that. I love that because first I keep every episode under 30 minutes, so there’s definitely no time to get into all of that. So I appreciate kind of like, the step one, because one of the things that I love about human design is that it’s practical. I’m a very practical person. And what I realized and what I loved about human design is that it was very practical, straightforward advice. And it is about experimenting with your design, right? So just what you said just to emphasize it maybe in a different way, rather than experience it for yourself, it’s really an experiment. Experiment with your design and the strategies that it tells, that it identifies for you. For me, it’s been completely life changing to understand that my strategy for protecting my energy so that I stop burning out, which was a continual thing in my life. Migraines burnout events, big events, big goal. Achieve migraine burn up.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:21:31

Okay.

Marly Q 00:21:31

Build myself back up again over and over and over again. I’ve been an entrepreneur for almost 15 years, and, man, learning that the way that I can actually protect my energy is to wait for the invitation to not always think that I need to be the spark and the initiator of all the things, and I’m the one that needs to build the events or build the thing. Like, wow, maybe I’m not the builder and I am, like, the guide of the energy and what is being built. It was like what? And the more I rest and take care of myself, the better I can show up and the more I can give and the more I can inspire and influence what I don’t have to be. It was really amazing and liberating, and in a way, I just wanted you to share with us a little bit. If it can serve us the spark to have somebody go down, like, the path of discovering their body, graph their human design, seeing how that relates or resonates with you, start the experiment. If it doesn’t resonate with you, then it doesn’t. But I think even for the biggest critics. With love, you can’t dismiss the power in self discovery and the power that exists in just knowing who you are and being able to show up in life, at work, in the world as that being right.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:22:57

It creates a platform or a foundation for love and acceptance.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:23:02

Right?

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:23:02

And when we come from a place of love and acceptance and couple that with the kindness, I mean, there’s so much power in that. And it’s only in our individuality and our authenticity that we can really explore that. Absolutely.

Marly Q 00:23:15

Cynthia, thank you so much for taking time out of your day and your work day to spend it with us. I appreciate you making Time to Be Kind, and I will make sure to share all of your links to your website and to your social medias. And I know that you are kind enough offer our Kind QREW and our PARKers Listening $100 off. If you’re interested in a human design reading, all you need to do is make sure that you leave a Kind comment. If you’re going to rate and review, leave a comment mentioning this podcast episode. Send that screenshot as proof to Cynthia and she will go ahead and grant you that $100 off. That’s super generous of you.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:23:49

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I’m super excited about continuing to spread the message about this and really helping people step into their authenticity. There you have it, friends.

Marly Q 00:23:57

So do I believe that we’re designed to be kind? Yes. Yes. I believe that kindness is at the core of what makes us human and that we must uphold this standard in order to unite as one mankind. My mission with this podcast and all the work that I do as an inspirational speaker, as a leadership trainer and a community builder, all of it at the core is to simply remind you, remind people, that this is who we are.

Cynthia Mendez Tamayo 00:24:23

We’re PARKers.

Outro

We’re people that perform acts of random kindness. And if you’re still here, you’re listening, then I know that’s you. So go ahead and join my Kind QREW, if you haven’t already, so that we can create this kinder world together. Visit Marlyq.com this episode number for the link to request access to join our Kind QREW Facebook group. Make sure you say hello when you’re in there. And remember, if you leave a comment mentioning this episode, cynthia is going to give you $100 off a human design reading. It is absolutely transformational experience for the links to connect with Cynthia directly, plus this episode full transcription and show notes, visit Marlyq.com forward slash this episode number. Thanks for making Time to Be Kind. See you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group: Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

Podcast

Kindness Elevates Wellness with Carla Hill

Post author By Marly Q
Post date July 14, 2023
No Comments on Kindness Elevates Wellness with Carla Hill

Kindness Elevates Wellness with Carla Hill

We made it to our 50th episode of “Time to be Kind with Marly Q”! Helping us celebrate is a remarkable celebrity guest whose resilience and grace amidst adversity exemplifies how kindness can be a powerful wellness tool! Join Podcast Host and Kindness Influencer, Marly Q and Carla Hill – TV host, model, actor, kidney transplant warrior, and an awe-inspiring three-time cancer survivor known as the “Brstlss Beauty”, for a testament to the transformative power of kindness. In this brief, vulnerable and powerful conversation, Carla shares a bit of her rollercoaster health journey and life-altering decision to live breastless (and proud) in a society focused on aesthetics. Her story of becoming a “late” actor and TV host will inspire you and remind you that it’s never too late to pursue your dreams and spread kindness along the way!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

“Kindness is the wellspring of wellness.” ~ Marly Q Casanova

Listen to this Episode and Learn…

- Discover how we can utilize kindness as a central component in our health & wellness journey.
- Understand the importance of reframing internal conversations and being kind to yourself.
- Learn how personal trials and tribulations can increase empathy and sensitivity towards others’ struggles.
- See the impact of having a supportive network and access to resources on mental health and well-being.
- See how one can radiate grace, courage, and a relentless zest for life despite harrowing experiences.

About Marly Q:

Connect with Marly Q:

LinkedIn: Marly Q Casanovahttps://linkedin.com/in/MarlyQ

About Our Guest:

Carla Hill is a TV host, model, and actor who has overcome immense challenges with resilience and grace. As a three-time cancer survivor and kidney transplant warrior, she is known as the “Brstlss Beauty” for her empowering decision to live breastless and proud. Carla’s inspiring story of courage and determination serves as a reminder that it’s never too late to pursue dreams and spread kindness along the way. Her journey as a late bloomer in the acting and hosting industry inspires others to embrace their passions and make a positive impact.

Connect with Carla Hill

Facebook: Carla Codallo Hill

Instagram: @mscarlahill

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 15: Planting Seeds of Kindness with Marlon Hill

EP 26: How Dare you (NOT) with Luly B Carreras

EP 41: All Kids Included with Annie Hoffman

TRANSCRIPTION:

Marly Q 00:00:00

You never know what someone is going through. So be kind always. Now, I’m sure you’ve probably heard this quote or have seen this meme, but in day to day life, that can be harder than it sounds. So in today’s episode, I’ve got a special friend and celebrity guest to remind us all about the power that kindness has to elevate our wellness. No matter what you’re going through.

Hello and welcome. Thank you for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. Today, I have such a special guest to introduce you to. She is a celebrity friends. Okay? She’s a TV host, an actor, a model. She’s the founder and the face of Breathless beauty Ventures. And most of all, she’s a PARKer. Welcome to the show.

Carla Hill 00:00:54

Hey, Marly Q. Thank you so much. I just have to say that podcasts were made for you. What an honor to see your growth as the birthing of PARKing and then now this venue that you’re bringing it to. So thanks for calling me up. It’s so great to see you.

Marly Q 00:01:11

Oh, my goodness. I’m so happy and I’m so grateful to have friends like you who I just say, hey, do you want to make Time to Be Kind with me? And you’re like, all right, sure. What are you going to talk about? I’m like, Anything that comes out of your mouth is inspirational. So thank you for parking this time. And for those friends who are listening right now who may be new to my world, this is the first time that you are making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. Or maybe you have before, but you forgot. Can you please tell those listening what’s.

Carla Hill 00:01:36

A PARKer people doing or acting random Acts of kindness?

Marly Q 00:01:41

Yes. You almost got it. You almost got it. Interestingly enough, the word that you forgot is, like, what you do. It’s performing a random kindness. So you’re a PARKer. Even if you forgot my acronym, it’s all good. That’s why I’m here to remind you each and every week out there, I will make this word land in the dictionary one day because you’re going to learn the lingo. So a PARKer is a person that performs acts of random kindness.

Carla Hill 00:02:07

That is you. That is me.

Marly Q 00:02:08

That is you listening. Right. And that’s all of we coming together each and every week to kind of park this time and just make Time to Be Kind to ourselves in each other and be inspired by the power that kindness has in our lives today. Specifically, I wanted to talk about how kindness is a driving force in our wellness. Right. Could you share with us a little bit about your health journey? Because I know that your health journey has really inspired and informed a lot of the work that you do.

Carla Hill 00:02:37

Sure, Marly. My health journey is a whirlwind. The joke I have with my doctors is that I should have been like one of the Pink Ladies in Greece, like, smoking in the bathroom and doing all those bad things because we don’t have a lot of time. I will say that my first health journey was a kidney transplant in 2000. And you’d think that that would be enough. We have some major some break a major limb or something. But then in 2005 and 2007, I was diagnosed with breast cancer each time and with each of those diagnosis, I chose mastectomy. So since about 2007, I’ve been living breastless, hence my moniker on social media, breastless Beauty, the Breastless, Brstlss. No vowels in the breastless because I have none. But I love that. So now, that was prior to social media. And I consider myself one of the pioneers that was out there before anyone ever knew about making the choice of not getting reconstruction. Living in a town like Miami, where the perception is that it’s all about the aesthetic. It was a tough one for me to make. Chemo took my hair, and I’ve been wearing it pretty short because I found a lot of strength in the people that I kind of looked up to when I was a teenager, like Grace Jones and her embracing her look and just owning it. Right. And then later on in life, I had some heart failure as well as another bout of cancer just as recent as 2020. And those things are probably due to some of the medications that I’ve taken over the years. So, yeah, you would look at me. I went to a doctor appointment today and the doctor said, wow, you’ve really gone through it, but you look great. How do you feel? And I said, I feel good. I feel great. And that really is the attitude that has pushed me along, even when because as someone going through a health journey, as I call it, I am nearly three years in remission of the bladder cancer. And certainly yay, celebrating that.

Marly Q 00:04:57

Thank you.

Carla Hill 00:04:58

And certainly many years cancer free from the breast cancer. And my kidney is 23 years old, still kicking it. I just came back from a blissful Trinidad and Tobago carnival where I pretty much did like, literally 30,000 steps. Not altogether, but two days each. So I thank my body and I really was like, wow, look at what you did. And I have tried to reframe the language that I tell myself, because not only do we need to be kind to others, we have to be kind to ourselves.

Marly Q 00:05:32

Yes. And on that beautiful point, how has kindness played a role in your wellness? Right? Because, I mean, we’re talking friends to someone who has experienced not just a kidney transplant, a three time cancer survivor, all these health challenges, right, that can make anyone feel kind of bad, kind of crampy. Be in a rut, right? Be like, whoa, is me, why me? Right? I should have been doing bad and smoking and doing stuff. Look at, you know, the cards have been dealt, right? We can be easily in that space, I feel. Right. So even when how does kindness play a role in elevating your wellness? Even when you’re, when you’re not physically well, right. What role does kindness play in elevating how you feel?

Carla Hill 00:06:17

I will reiterate to anyone that might be watching or listening to us that it was many years ago with my first cancer diagnosis in 2005, when I did have to do chemotherapy. And remember, the doctors had to juggle many things. I had this kidney transplant, we needed to do chemo. It was a very tender situation. But I’ll never forget, I mean, it was the early two thousand s. And my surgeon, my oncological surgeon, Dr. Frederick Moffatt, he said one of the first things wasn’t get this medicine, do this. He said, I really need you to be with me up here. And he talked about my attitude. Going through the whole thing would make a difference of how I survived, really. And I don’t want to come across as being self righteous that I’m just miss Pollyanna all day long. I do give myself space to have those feelings. And in the beginning, those feelings of mourning. I’m mourning my body, losing hair, losing a breast, or whatever the loss is for you. I think it’s important that people feel those feelings. And for a long time I would feel that I had to be this indestructible kind of person. And as I’ve gotten older, I realized that I’m not doing myself any service. So I am able to have those feelings. But at the same time, I really have worked years and I’m still working on reframing and being kind to myself when I wake up in the morning, instead of saying, oh my God, you look gross. How can I reframe that? Because I’m here. And that’s important to remind myself that I’m here. Even on the worst day, I’m here.

Marly Q 00:08:10

And that’s worth a smile. I am here. Right. And having that perspective because of your experience, your lived experience, how does that play into your ability to be kind and empathetic with other people? Right. Like we started this episode with you never know what someone is going through. Right. So you having experienced these moments where maybe you could have show up as your best, right. And maybe in a work setting, either receiving empathy or not receiving empathy. Do you want to speak to that a little bit?

Carla Hill 00:08:37

Absolutely. Certainly the things that I’ve gone through have made me much more sensitive to others and what they may be going through. Because you just don’t know if you’ve ever been in a grocery store and you hear a child crying or someone might instantly say, oh gosh, that child’s being a brat or being bratty, but think about what that child language? What do they have to express themselves? So I’m almost like cheering them on, like, yeah, get it out, do what.

Marly Q 00:09:13

You need to do.

Carla Hill 00:09:15

Because they don’t have the language that we do, nor do they have the barriers, right? We get up, we get older, and we establish these barriers of not having our true feelings. When I think about days when I would walk into work or someone might have been short with me, there’s a difference between being rude and short with a person and then being short, and it being totally out of character for them. I am more sympathetic toward people having this other life that we don’t know and we don’t see. So I’m absolutely much more sensitive to those who may be in a parking lot and they park the car crazy, but not because they’re a jerk. But maybe it’s just one of those days. And I quietly forgive them. I quietly forgive them.

Marly Q 00:10:08

How do you think you remind yourself, right? Because I really think this is important and it sounds simple, but really is about that internal conversation, right? And flipping that critical, judgment, mean voice and that we constantly have about everything, basically, that’s going on outside. Unless you have a practice of pausing, is it a pause for you? How do you remember to not be like, oh God, this dumb person can just ruin my how do you remember.

Carla Hill 00:10:37

Do you know, to consider the other person? My mom told me a story. My parents came to this country from Trinidad and Tobago in the early seventy s. And it was hard for her. It wasn’t there since divorce. They were these young kids and she had this baby, and she said that sometimes she would feel like she was losing her mind and she would have empathy toward the woman on the street, the bag lady, let’s say. And she would say and I would laugh at her. And I’m like, Mom, I’m a kid. She’s telling me I could have just been the bag lady. And I’m like, mom, get out of here. But if you don’t have a support team, if you don’t have someone that you know that you can rely on, that is validating who you are, validating your feelings, yeah, of course you could go insane because you feel that it’s just happening to you. And what I am grateful about for the 21st century is that we’re learning more and more. We’re not the only ones. There are so many more people are going through the same thing. And the good part about social media is providing resources like you’re providing here, Marly. But also that now think about in 2007 when I had no breasts and chose to live without reconstruction. I had no one. I just sort of had to be this, like, fashion maven, I guess, making up things to help me look comfortable to help me fit in and be normal. But now that I’m older, I mean, forget it. My fashion sense is like, look, see.

Marly Q 00:12:27

That because, friends, I know we’re focused here on this health journey, and that can get a little heavy. But listen, Carla is so multifaceted in all these beautiful ways. Actually, she’s been in love with the arts since first starring as Mary in her elementary school, like, Nativity Christmas play. Okay. And she went to New World School of the Arts here in Miami, Florida. She’s continued, like, developing this love for arts and entertainment through all of her work, and now she’s working as the host of the health channels. Hope is here. She’s a national television presenter for PBS. An actor and a model, people. Yeah. So sometimes you see all this outward success, and you see these extravagant, like, fashion. I mean, Carla’s super fun, right? And we could judge. We could think that we know what her life might be like. Oh, she must be so lucky, right, to be in the spotlight and do the thing, and you just don’t know what she’s had to overcome to get there, how hard some days are to put a smile on your face and do the thing anyways, right. You know that struggle. Right. Something else I want to brag about here with Carla is that she’s received many awards and recognition, including Women of Strength, which was a campaign by Essence magazine and CoverGirl Cosmetics. Yeah. She was also named. She was given an award for women of distinction from the Miami Dade County Black Affairs Council. And I can go on and on and on, right? And when she’s not working as a model and an actor and a TV host, she’s probably serving, like, the arts community, doing some awesome projects that have to do with empowering young people with the arts, I would assume. Or she’s planning her next carnival vacation with Marlin Hill, who P-S-I interviewed back in season one, episode 15. I will link it in the show notes because it was a wonderful conversation, and I love the two of you so much, but I don’t want to take this time to talk about Marlin. He had his own episode talking about you. Can you tell us what was the spark for your interest in the arts and arts education?

Carla Hill 00:14:30

Well, I’ve always loved the arts. I was born in the time of variety shows. My mom there is a photo of me somewhere with a brush, and I’m wanting to be a TV talk show host. So fast forward. I went to college, and I pursued an English degree because, again, these perceptions of what we’re supposed to do, we’re supposed to go to college, we’re supposed to get a job and all these other things. And I really didn’t start in TV until I was probably 40, so I started late. And then course, the tape recorder plays in my head about, oh, you’re too old, you don’t have any breasts, blah, blah, blah. And I really feel that I manifested this. I’ve always loved TV and the notion of TV presenting. It started with the beautiful Alison Hennessy, who was a TV presenter in Trinidad and Tobago. She was smart and I wanted to be like her. And I have a supportive husband who you just mentioned, Marlin. And one day he just said, well, let’s just try it. Let’s do the right thing, get the right headshot, and let’s start looking for opportunities. So one thing led to another and I started hosting locally for PBS. And then they asked me to do some national things. And of late, this is my second season as the host of Hope Is Here, which is totally up your alley. Marly q talk about parking? And it is on the Health Channel, which is an affiliate of PBS, and it can be seen on South Florida PBS at various times. But it is all about people who have had health issues, but their feeling of hope, helping them to carry on. And this is people my age. These are kids six years old. I just interviewed I think you were six or seven years old with a very rare form of cancer. But again, a dog called Doug the Pug, who I hear has 2 million followers. So I had like, a celebrity interview with Doug the Pug. I can put that on my resume. Good.

Marly Q 00:16:37

But I’ve never interviewed a dog. That’s fun.

Carla Hill 00:16:39

I’m going to think about diamonds, his humans. His humans. But it is about finding that thing that is going to help you get up the next day. I remember very distinctly, even before I was in television, people ask Centenarians, people that live I hope I’m saying that correctly, people that live into their hundreds, what is it that helps you to get there? And a lot of them just said you get up with the intention of doing something the next day. So honestly, I think of that, considering what I’ve been through, and I talk to these people who get up the next day with the intention of doing something or doing something for people. So that is what hope is here is all about. And it really is a show made for me because that has been my life for the past for, oh, my gosh, over probably almost 25 years.

Marly Q 00:17:33

I have my hairs on end. I have goosebumps. If you’re on YouTube, you could probably see them. My hair is on end because it really is just it’s been so beautiful. You and I have known each other for probably over a decade now. I’ve had the great pleasure of being able to work with you one on one back when I was planning large scale events pre pandemic times. And I’ve been able to witness you bringing kindness to yourself, kindness towards others, like in a professional setting, kindness towards the greater community, right? And being able to infuse just your life with the things that bring you joy, right? No matter what you’re going through, right? It’s never like the Woe is me card. It’s more of like the grateful card. I am here. I’m here, like, today, and I intend to be here tomorrow. And as long as I am here, I intend to shine and be yourself and share your beautiful smile and your love for fashion and the arts and all the things that you do. And you’re such an inspiration to me and to so many others. And I just really want to thank you for making the Time to Be Kind.

Carla Hill 00:18:36

Thank you. Thank you so much. Be kind to others and definitely be kind to yourself. Redo that tape in the head. It’s not always easy, but you can do it. You can catch yourself, be kind to others and be kind to yourself. Thank you, Marly Q for this opportunity. What a blessing this was today. So thank you, friends.

OUTRO

I know you found that conversation super inspiring. I am still smiling and lit up by it. If you’d like to connect with Carla, please visit our Show Notes page at MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number. You’ll find all the links to connect with her on Instagram, follow her breastless beauty ventures, and also be able to find the information to watch. Hope is here. Thank you for making this Time to Be Kind with me. If you’re not part of my Kind QREW yet, what you waiting for? It’s over. The link is on my Show Notes page as well. Click to join our private Facebook group and we’d love to welcome you in. We have over 300 people in there already making Time to Be Kind. Kind and engaging after each and every week. Join us. Visit Marlyq.com this episode number thanks for making Time to Be Kind. See you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group: Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

Podcast

Conscious Living with Amanda Vibess

Post author By Marly Q
Post date July 7, 2023
No Comments on Conscious Living with Amanda Vibess

Conscious Living with Amanda Vibess

Get ready to receive a treasure trove of wisdom about living a more conscious and kind life when you make Time to be Kind with Marly Q and today’s guest, Amanda Rodriguez, a Conscious Influencer from Miami, FL and founder of Join the Wavement. Listen and learn what conscious living truly means, how it transforms our daily lives, and how simple daily practices can help you incorporate this mindful lifestyle into your daily routine. This episode will inspire you to adopt simple daily practices that encourage self-awareness and kindness. Tune in for an illuminating conversation that’s sure to elevate your perspective on living consciously (and kindly)!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

“Feed the soul, not the ego” ~

Listen to this Episode and Learn…

- Conscious living is about being aware of your actions and their repercussions. It’s about making your actions more meaningful and purposeful, rather than simply existing.
- Living consciously involves acknowledging your emotions, including anger and frustration, and not letting them negatively affect your day or others around you.
- Practical ways to live more consciously include daily self-check-ins, journaling, meditation, and practicing kindness.
- Implementing conscious living can start with simple steps like being aware of your emotions as soon as you wake up and reflecting on your day before you sleep.
- Amanda’s eco-conscious brand, Join the Wavement, encourages conscious living and reduces the use of plastic bags by promoting reusable tote bags.
- Kindness has significant power to influence living consciously, providing a ‘North Star’ for guiding personal actions and interactions.
- It’s all about being aware of the influence we have on our world. Think of kindness as your compass, pointing you towards a more conscious way of living. Get on board!

About Marly Q:

Connect with Marly Q:

About Our Guest:

Amanda Rodriguez is the visionary behind Join the Wavement, a transformative movement inspiring conscious living and personal growth. With a mission to encourage mindful choices and wellness, Amanda empowers individuals to become their best selves. The Wavement radiates inspiration, fostering positive change and a conscious lifestyle. Join Amanda on this transformative journey towards personal and collective well-being.

Connect with Amanda Rodriguez

Website: jointhewavement.com

Instagram: @amandavibess @jointhewavement

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 06: Abundance of Positivity with Sebastian Hart

EP 38: LOUD about Kindness with Adrianna Foster

EP 47: Voices for Children with Kadie Black

TRANSCRIPTION:

Marly Q 00:00:00

Have you ever wondered if we’re living life consciously or unconsciously? If you’re listening to this podcast, chances are you’ve made an intentional choice to make Time to Be Kind today. But what does conscious living look like or feel like on a daily basis? And why must this be our priority now more than ever? Stay tuned to find out.

Hello and welcome. Thank you for making Time to Be Kind today. I have such a special guest to share with you, my friends. Amanda Rodriguez, better known as Amanda Vibes, is a conscious living influencer. We’re going to find out what that means in just a moment. But this Miami native is a happy mama. She’s a yogi, like me as well, and a yoga teacher and a content creator that’s inspiring people to live life more consciously each and every day. Welcome to the show, Amanda.

Amanda Vibess 00:00:58

Wow. Thank you. That was such an awesome intro. Hi, Thank you. Thank you for having me here.

Marly Q 00:01:05

Thank you for being a PARKer. Can you tell our folks listening, just in case this is your first time in my world? The first time. Making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and our guest. What’s a PARKer?

Amanda Vibess 00:01:14

PARKer is a person that Performs Acts of Random Kindness that’s really I love it.

Marly Q 00:01:21

It rolls off the tongue. Because you’ve been a part of this movement and this initiative, this effort to make a kinder world in your own beautiful way. Can you tell us what’s a conscious living influencer? Let’s start there.

Amanda Vibess 00:01:35

So I’ve never really tied the word influencer to it, but I like it. It’s a very common phrase nowadays, of course. So how do I put this? So to live a conscious life is not so much about being perfect and striving for perfection. It’s more about being aware, connecting with that awareness state where knowing that all your actions have a reaction. So constantly having that thought behind everything that you do, everything that you say, every energy that you spread, just makes everything more meaningful, more purposeful, and it just helps us live more consciously.

Marly Q 00:02:16

You and I, we’re speaking the same language, right, because we’re yogis and we’re yoga teachers, but perhaps if we have PARKers listening that are like, what are we talking? Of course I’m conscious. Like, I’m living every day, right? But there’s a difference between existing and experiencing life. And I think that’s where the conscious living and your message really comes in, is that we’re not here to just exist and kind of like, go in the day to day and the hustle or the stress or the doing of the things. We’re here to be conscious and we’re here to be human beings living this life right, with more awareness. So what are maybe some simple ways that you inspire people to live a more conscious life. Let’s get practical.

Amanda Vibess 00:02:54

Okay, so a more simpler form. Yes, I’m agreeing with everything you said. Absolutely. All these terms, like being aware, being conscious comes easier to people that have studied yoga and have a deeper meditation practice and stuff. So to kind of simplify, it is kind of like you mentioned rather than being on the go all the time and sometimes when you’re so in a mindset of being so fast paced you don’t realize the things you’re doing or how you might have said something in a more harsh way, or you didn’t give someone your full attention that they really needed that attention from you at the moment. So it’s more of like, of taking a second to acknowledge how you are acting and acknowledging the energy you’re putting out into the world. And one way to do this is we’re humans, we all feel frustration, we all feel anger. So living consciously is not neglecting those and just feeding your life with, let’s say, a toxic positivity where you just reject all those natural feelings to kind of just accept them and feel them. Like, you can tell yourself, okay, right now I’m feeling anger. It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be frustrated. Am I going to let it take over my entire day? Am I going to let it pour out onto people around me? No, I shouldn’t do that. So I’m going to choose to be conscious, to feel those feelings. Cry if you have to let it out, whatever healthy form, you let it out and then understand that that’s temporary and then just move forward and proceed with a more positive mindset. So you spread that energy as well to those around you. Yeah, it definitely starts out your foul. For yourself, too, for your mental state and your sanity and all that, like, just uplifting yourself. So it’s very important that starts from within you, and then you become that living example that just spreads out onto people, and it’s just amazing.

Marly Q 00:05:01

Yeah. When you’re living it, it’s amazing. Right. And I want our PARKers, like, listening to get a sense for what it looks like and what it feels like to live a more conscious life. Right. I don’t want to come on here and assume that you beautiful. PARKer listening, living a conscious life. Right. But I think that we can all do better and support each other in living a more conscious life. Right. So in your everyday life, I mean, you’re a young woman. I don’t even think you’re 30 yet. Almost. I got a little bit of a decade on you here. Almost a decade on you. I’ll say almost we feel better. But you’re a business owner, you’re a small business owner, you’re a mom, you’re a yoga teacher, you’re a content creator. And I also feel that even though you are all those things, you also need your own daily reminders right. To live consciously and not get caught up in kind of the unconscious patterns that most of us repeat because how can we live more consciously is by finding a few positive habits that help you to be more aware, be more present, be more grounded in your everyday. You’ve got to practice those things. If not, it’s super easy to live unconsciously, right? So for you, as again a mom, a business owner and all the things that you do, what are some of the practices or the ways that you check yourself to make sure that you’re living consciously?

Amanda Vibess 00:06:23

Okay, let me think. Wow, putting me on the spot.

Marly Q 00:06:26

I am. I am.

Amanda Vibess 00:06:28

I’d say like surprisingly, the people around you, when you notice what they get bothered at from you, you have a moment there where you think, okay, is this about them or is it about me? And you kind of just have to think these deep thoughts and ask yourself, wow, I spoke in a harsh way. I might have said something with attitude and kind of just taking accountability for it. So I like to write a lot, I journal a lot and through that have discovered where I can improve myself and become better. I also through meditation is a constant reminder for me with the thoughts that just come up of where you need to work on yourself. Everyone has their story and things that they’ve been through and those energies linger within you and they can come out of you in whatever way, whatever form. So I think for me, journaling and through meditation is huge for me. And checking in with myself. I always, always check in with myself in the morning. Ask myself, how did I wake up today? How do I feel today? I mentioned the emotions that I feel today. I feel very happy and energetic. Or today I feel a little more groggy, a little more emotional. Maybe I need a little more self care. I can also warn those around me like, hey look, I woke up a little more on the emotional side today. So no harsh meaning behind anything that might come off a certain way.

Marly Q 00:08:03

I think that’s super kind. That’s kind too. I just check in on yourself. I think that’s a really great practice and one that I’ve been teaching also for the past nine years. 400 plus classes. Teaching. My best way to stress less is that’s the practice? Let’s check in and do our best to focus on how we’re feeling in the morning. I like checking in with yourself first thing in the morning before your feet hit the floor. Before you check your notification.

Amanda Vibess 00:08:27

Your eyes, as soon as you’re conscious and you’re awake, your eyes are closed. Like checking with yourself, how are you feeling?

Marly Q 00:08:33

It could be that simple to start.

Amanda Vibess 00:08:34

And at night too, checking out with yourself, how was my day? What did I learn? Anything that I can do better tomorrow for myself? Did I lack somewhere what do I need? You need to have these conversations with yourself. Like there’s no escaping your mind. So you got to talk to yourself and ask yourself these deep questions so you can better know yourself and be a better person and be kind to those around you. For sure.

Marly Q 00:09:00

Yes. So I hear a lot of befriending how important it is to befriend our mind and the emotions, right? Because one thing that I heard in what you shared, which again I teach as well, which is why we’re aligned and why you’re here and why I wanted to share your platform and your voice and your story with others, is because we need more people that are promoting or influencing living consciously. Right. For me, it’s through kindness. Right. And I see everything through the lens of how can we practice being more kind to ourselves, each other and this planet that we’re all walking around on, sharing in this moment in time. How can we live more consciously through kindness. Right? So specifically, what are we doing right through your business? I want to learn about Join the Wavement. I want you to tell us about that and conscious living, right? Because you have these amazing tote bags. If you’re watching us on YouTube, you see them behind her. Yay. If you’re listening, don’t worry, we’re going to link it in the show notes of this episode so that you can connect. I sport my conscious living bag, yoga bag, like everywhere I go. It’s my favorite thing. So can you tell us maybe like the inspiration that sparked your Join the Wavement movement? Tell us about that.

Amanda Vibess 00:10:06

All right. So Join the Wavement is an eco conscious brand. We sell reusable tote bags with inspiring messages on them because we want to inspire people to just throw a simple message on your everyday tote bag. Just the most minimal start to living consciously. And we also want to reduce the use of plastic bags by having reusable tote bags. So this all started 2019. We launched our first collection of tote bags. And I’ve always wanted to do something very meaningful like shopping with a purpose where we revolve a lot around collaborating with eco conscious brands, promoting sustainable fashion. So you’re shopping with a purpose that benefits humanity and the planet. And I’ve always been very in tune with nature. I feel like since very young I’d walk outside and be like, oh, dad, I’m feeling some type of way. I need to go outside and step on the earth barefoot and energize with the sun. I love nature, so I’ve wanted to start something meaningful that’s connected to nature. So our bags are 100% organic cotton and we do donate to different organizations. So anything and everything that has to do with living an eco conscious life is what we stand for.

Marly Q 00:11:31

I love that. And for you, because we start off this conversation and I know maybe you were a little resistant to call yourself a conscious living influencer, right. Or at least I felt that little bit of resistance. The same way that I resisted calling myself a kindness influencer. Right. So I’ve been in business this year for 15 years. I’ve been a social entrepreneur and this was really the first year that I’m coming out and I’m like, I’m a kindness influencer. I’m going to put that hat on. Not just because these times this word influencer is so popular, right? But I really thought about it. If we’re all here influencing something, influencing ourselves, influencing those around us, influencing the world in some way, and if we could be more conscious and intentional about what it is that we are influencing in our lives, my goodness, that gives you like a North Star, right? That gives you the path forward. And for me, kindness is that illuminating torch for me. And I see how conscious living is so aligned with kindness because if you are conscious of how you’re living and you have a standard of kindness meaning you identify as I am kindness, which, guess what friends we all are. We are one humankind, I have one mankind, right. Is really the first key or the foundation to living consciously, would you say? I have to agree with you on that for sure. Voice. So we powerfully put this influencer hat on, even though we may not like a vibe with like, hey, I want to be the face and the influencer of the thing. But the purpose of what we’re out to do is so meaningful and impactful, right, that we’ve got to dig into that courage and be like, you know what? I’m a conscious living influencer, right? And you out there, if you’re listening and you care about the earth and eco friendliness and sustainability and all the things that Amanda’s just talked to us. About, then you could be a conscious. Living influencer too, right?

Amanda Vibess 00:13:43

At the end of the day, we’re all influencing something. You have a strong point there. No matter what it is, you’re influencing people, everyone around you. So might as well make it something Good and meaningful.

Marly Q 00:13:52

And on purpose be conscious about it. What are we? How are we influencing ourselves and those around us on a daily basis? As a mom, I love following you on Instagram. I follow absolutely everything that you post. Beautiful content that I know you work really hard on to create. And it’s not easy when you’re mothering a baby, right, because your baby’s still a baby. Just like my baby still a baby. Yeah. So when it comes to parenthood, right, how are you involving your beautiful daughter Alexandra into your business and into your conscious way of living?

Amanda Vibess 00:14:28

Yeah. So conscious parenting. So Toddlers, they really test your patients. So I must say she must be my biggest teacher. So conscious parenting, you have to just stop for a moment and just be patient rather than just being so reactive to these little humans that they’re just learning how to adapt to this world that we live in and in comparison to previous generations, I remember being yelled at and I’m like, I didn’t do anything. So kind of just like breaking those cycles and stuff and just really making an effort to just be very patient with these little people. And also I invite her to whenever I’m doing yoga here at home, I invite her to do yoga with me. She knows how to take deep breaths. We do like gratitude practices. Just all those little things that you start planting that seed when they’re tiny and they’ll grow up and they’ll have that self awareness, that confidence and they know they can resort within to themselves, to their breath and turn their awareness inward whenever they’re feeling stressed out or something rather than seeking for external comfort. I think that’s huge. That’s super important and it takes the tiniest effort to start planting those seeds in them. Just telling her kind words. Affirmations. We love doing affirmations. Every morning we stand in the mirror when we’re getting ready for school. It’s my favorite little Affirmations and I see the difference in her energy when she’s like, I love me.

Marly Q 00:16:11

It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Friends, I’m going to link Amanda vibe’s, Instagram handle and what you’re going to do right after watching the show. After you rate and review and support the podcast, you’re going to follow my friend and find these beautiful morning affirmations with Alexandra. I love how you are teaching her through modeling. You and your husband Sebastian, which by the way, I have both partners here on Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. Sebastian Hart is your partner and he was on season one. I will link that episode in the show notes as well. It was all about abundance of positivity. You’re going to love these two humans as much as I do, for sure. And now on season two, I’ve got you. And maybe on season three in some future I can have Alexandra on here.

Amanda Vibess 00:16:56

Alexandra, make sure.

Marly Q 00:16:59

Yeah, I love that. Thank you for making the Time to Be Kind today. Thank you for sharing with us a little bit of your spark, of your kindness, of your way of living, which I really think is you’re doing really, really great work to inspire and influence other people to be more conscious, which I think is way more important. It’s always been important to live your life consciously, people always but now more than ever, I really think it must be a priority and it can start in simple ways. Amanda shared.

Amanda Vibess 00:17:27

All you need is the discipline to do just small efforts every day. You don’t have to sit down and meditate for ten minutes if you don’t want to. It’s just take 1 minute to close your eyes and just take deep breaths or tell yourself today I’m going to do something kind for someone. Today I’m going to be accountable for how I spoke to someone in a harsh way. Just anything, just the tiniest little efforts and just continue to do them. Just stay disciplined, that’s the key.

Marly Q 00:17:55

Stay disciplined, consistent, showing up, doing the thing. I call it living the cause, right? Like, let’s live the cause each and every day. And if you’re here with us right now, we can live consciously in this moment. I invite you to take like a deep breath with us. All you did today was make Time to Be Kind and breathe three times. Breathe in again. Exhale. Let it go one more time all for yourself. And I know that, like me, you believe that kindness comes from within and it’s free and it’s without expecting absolutely anything in return, right? So the more that we live consciously, we’re actually feeding our soul and not the ego, right? I know that you love that quote. Oh, that’s like my go to quote for everything. Feed the soul and not the ego. Feed the soul. Like a mantra at this point. Yes, a mantra we are going to share with our PARKers. Listening. And when we live from that place, a more conscious way of living where we’re aware of the fact that I am kindness. This is a standard of behavior towards myself, towards others, towards this world that we share. And we live more consciously with that standard. Friends, you will enrich not just your mental health and wellness, but you will enrich every aspect of your life. Relationships, business, whatever you are working on in your life will be enriched just by making a commitment and a choice to live more consciously. And it could be super simple. Amanda, thank you so much for making Time to Be Kind today and sharing those great tips with us.

Amanda Vibess 00:19:17

Thank you. This was amazing.

OUTRO

So there you have it, friends. Are you living consciously or unconsciously? If you’re still here and made it to the end of this podcast, I know that you are a conscious living influencer too. Make sure to connect with my friend Amanda vibes on Instagram and all the platforms including YouTube, Twitter, what have you. She’s at Amanda Vibes with two S’s. It’ll be linked in our show notes. You can visit Marlyq.com this episode number for the full transcription, show notes and links to connect and snag one of those awesome conscious living tote bags. If you are not part of our Kind Qrew yet, what are you waiting for my friends? The party happens over on our private Facebook page. Click the link in the show notes to join our Kind Qrew now and engage in this beautiful currency of kindness together, visit MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number. See you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group: Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

Podcast

Finding Balance with Dr. Adrian Mesa

Post author By Marly Q
Post date June 30, 2023
No Comments on Finding Balance with Dr. Adrian Mesa

Finding Balance with Dr. Adrian Mesa

Is there a formula or secret sauce to “finding balance”? Find out when you make Time to be Kind with Marly Q and Dr. Adrian Mesa. In this short episode, you’ll discover the one and only thing you can balance, the important roles that purpose, self-talk and kindness play in your overall mental health and wellness PLUS simple ways we can all do our part to end the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Tune in now for a no fluff, real talk discussion on what it takes to grow and maintain a healthy mind, starting now!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

“Nobody hears the cries of the poor or the sound of a wooden bell.” ~ Haitian proverb

Listen to this Episode and Learn…

- Finding Balance in life isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept; it involves individual self-assessment, self-care, and self-analysis.
- Pursuing only monetary gain does not contribute to a balanced life; finding personal purpose is crucial.
- Maintaining mental health is key to achieving balance, and this requires self-reflection and understanding what matters to each individual.
- Stigma around mental health is still a significant barrier for many seeking help, especially in cultures where seeking mental health support may be seen as a sign of weakness.
- Kindness is reflective of one’s internal state; unkind behaviors often signify personal struggles.
- Self-talk and the way we communicate with ourselves greatly impact our mental health and the way we interact with others.
- Mental health education and openly talking about personal experiences with therapy can help break down stigma around mental health.
- Regular self-check-ins and being aware of our mental state can help foster empathy and understanding towards others.
- Suggesting professional help to someone showing signs of needing support should come from a place of kindness, compassion and empathy.
- Openly having conversations about mental health and practicing “Mental Awareness Now” (MAN) can significantly contribute to reducing stigma around mental health.

About Marly Q:

Connect with Marly Q:

About Our Guest:

Dr. Adrian Mesa is a prominent mental health advocate, founder, and CEO of Amp Mental Health. With a background as an army veteran, he brings a unique perspective to the field. Dr. Mesa hosts the acclaimed “Finding Balance” podcast, focusing on achieving equilibrium in life. His contributions extend to international guest speaking engagements, where he shares his expertise and insights. Driven by a mission to elevate mental health awareness, he continues to make significant contributions in creating a more supportive and inclusive society.

Connect with Dr. Adrian Mesa

Website: ampmentalhealth.com

Instagram: @dr_adrian_mesa @amp_mental_health @finding_balance_podcast

TikTok: dr.adrianmesa

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 26: How Dare You (not) with Luly B

EP 33: Express Lane to a Kinder World with Nedal Ahmad

EP 47: 4 R’s of Self-Kindness with Gilza Fort-Martinez

TRANSCRIPTION:

Marly Q 00:00:00

Hosting our Mankind Summit last month was just the spark of our efforts to elevate mental awareness now and bring an end to the stigma. Today’s episode is with a man who works to amplify mental health conversations every day. Let’s listen.

Marly Q 00:00:19

Yeah. Hello, and thank you for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and our special guest, PARKer today. He’s an old friend from high school who has made it his mission to elevate mental health here in South Florida. Dr. Adrian Mesa is the founder and CEO of Amp Mental Health. He is an army veteran, a professional photographer, and an international guest speaker, and the host of Finding Balance podcast, which I got to be a guest on. I will link it in the show notes for you. Welcome to the show, my friend, Adrian Mesa.

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:01:01

Thank you so much, Marly. I appreciate it.

Marly Q 00:01:03

Thank you for making time to be kind. I know how busy you are, always being of service to others. So thank you for making this time.

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:01:10

No, thanks for having me. An honor and a pleasure.

Marly Q 00:01:13

So I want to know, what is this secret sauce? What is the formula to finding balance? You name your podcast episode this. You believe in finding balance. Talk to me. How can we achieve this?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:01:24

I wish there was a secret sauce that I could just give to anybody and everybody, but there’s not. It’s very much so individualized, and it’s something you have to seek yourself. Everybody has different limits that they could push, and especially depending on the time of your life that you’re in. So I think a lot of finding balance is a matter of first understanding yourself, a lot of self assessment, a lot of self care self analysis, and then figuring out what is it that really makes you happy? Where do you find purpose? Where do you find that you just really light up? And then where do you find that you’re able to be of service to others and that’s fulfilling in itself? So I think it’s a combination of things. Again, if I had a pill that I could just sell to somebody and say, hey, this is how you find balance in your life, this is how you find your purpose, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’d be somewhere.

Marly Q 00:02:06

So I think that I joked about this and actually made a whole session at the Mankind Summit called Work Life. Balance is BS, right? I have a friend who wrote a book called Balance Is Bullshit. I wanted to hear your take on what balance even means.

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:02:21

I think Balance, again, it goes back to we all have our I guess where we have our livelihood, right? Where we make money, we draw revenue, which is great, but that can’t be everything. We can just constantly be pursuing money. I think it was Bob Marley who said money is numbers are infinite and the pursuit of that is futile. Right. If we’re just pursuing monetary gain, then we’re not going to get anywhere. So I think a lot of this has to do with, again, finding our purpose and figuring out what is it that we want to do. And so in order to find your balance you have to make sure that you’re not just pursuing that one thing and you’re also filling yourself.

Marly Q 00:02:56

So there’s different areas of our life, right, that we are in constant balance with. I joke that and with my friend at the event, LulyB , that having this as a measure of success is bullshit because we can’t really be in balance at work and at home and as a parent or as a leader in the community all at the same time. We can’t balance all of that at the same time. So to me, the only thing that we can balance and how we can find balance is actually our mental health, right? Which is why the acronym for mankind was Mental Awareness. Now I believe that the key to finding balance is really appear in our mind and doing what you alluded to when I asked you that question and kind of put you on the spot, the self reflection, the pausing, what’s actually going on up here, what actually matters to me, what lights me up. This is a process of having the awareness of what’s going on in our mind, right, and us being the one that gets to define what balance even means, what balance feels like in our life, right? And that pursuit is, I think, a healthier one. What do you think?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:04:05

I’m thinking of my daughter right now, right? And I’m thinking to myself, if I want to be this business owner and this entrepreneur and pursue for my practice to grow and to serve more people, that also requires some sacrifice on my part, where I have to turn to my daughter and say, hey, there’s going to be days where I’m going to be very devoted to this particular project. And it doesn’t mean that I’m a bad father. It just means that I have to communicate that to her and say, hey, I’m going to sacrifice some of my time with you and I hope you understand that. But again, it goes back to communication. If we’re pursuing something, something has to give. So that’s where there’s a tipping point. And I think what a lot of us do is we reach that tipping point but we don’t describe or communicate that sacrifice to the people who are around us. And that’s where we run into a lot of difficulties. I think as long as you have a strong support system that’s backing you and that also understands your mission, then everybody’s going to be on the same page. But if we’re neglecting that side of it, that’s where we’re going to run into some problems, where that sacrifice is going to lead to my detriment rather than my success.

Marly Q 00:05:08

Yeah. Communication is absolute key right. With others that we care about and communication with, like, self. How are we talking to ourselves? Right. Why do you think in the work that you do every day at Amp Mental Health, your practice for the last is it three years or so?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:05:23

Been three years.

Marly Q 00:05:24

Three years. Congratulations. I remember it was a birth of 2020. It was a positive baby from 2020. And you’ve served so many people. And I’m wondering, on a day to day basis, I’m wondering what are some of the patterns or the biggest objections that you hear people have to even seeking some mental health like support and building that community of support around them? What are some of those objections or challenges that we need to overcome?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:05:52

I think it’s just old school stigma. I think there’s still a lot of stigma that exists within day to day conversations. When you bring up a therapist or psychiatrist, especially in the Hispanic culture, where we view it as either a sign of weakness or, oh, Baha, we baylo Kero. And it’s like, well, the more I have to explain to people that, hey, you don’t have to be crazy. Actually, the people who I deal with day to day don’t have psychosis and don’t have severe mania. They’re actually people who are depressed, anxious, overworked, overwhelmed. They’re in stressed relationships. Maybe they have financial issues. And I’m sure anybody listening to this falls under one of those categories. We all have relationship issues. We all have questions of what is my purpose? And existential questions about our lives and what we’re supposed to be doing. These are a lot of people that are coming here, people who aren’t finding a sense of fulfillment in life. People just don’t understand why their mood is down, why they’re irritable. And so we do a lot more exploring. So I think it boils back down to stigma and then fighting against that stigma with education. I just keep warming people over and over and over again, saying, hey, it’s okay. Hey, you’re not alone. Hey, we’re all going through something. And I think that’s the message I continue to try to convey so that people understand that seeking mental health help isn’t a sign of weakness. Doesn’t mean they’re crazy. It actually just means they’re human.

Marly Q 00:07:11

Yes. And it means the same way that you would go to, I don’t know, an ankle doctor or you would go if you break your nose. Right. You would go to see a therapist. If you have a big life transition, if you have experienced some kind of trauma, big ‘T’ or little ‘t’, if you’re undergoing, like, big level of stress or overwhelm in your life right now and you don’t feel capable or equipped or supported enough by your family or the people around you to get you out of it, it’s only kind. And that’s what I want to ask you. How does kindness play into how we can break down this stigma? Or how does kindness play a role in how we can elevate and amplify mental health?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:07:50

Well, I think the way that we behave outwardly is often a reflection of what we’re feeling internally. So I think being kind is just a reflection of the struggles that somebody’s not dealing with. Right. So when we are not kind, typically somebody is extremely irritable, angry. They’re not really angry at the world around them. Right. The lady who’s getting into a fight with the Starbucks woman, what do you call the barista? The barista? Yes. I’m sorry, I don’t go to Starbucks often. The person who’s getting into a fight with the barista over not perfecting their drink to the matter that they wanted isn’t necessarily mad at the barista. They’re probably mad at so many different internal issues or even personal problems that they have in the background. And so we just have to be aware that when somebody’s not being kind, it’s not what’s wrong with them, it’s what happened to them. And often, look, we don’t have time to sit there and start analyzing everybody’s life who’s irritable and angry outwardly. Right. But if you can stop and you could ask yourself that to yourself and say, well, you know what? Something must have happened to this person, there’s some sort of trauma that’s lingering in the background, then it might make you respond a little bit differently.

Marly Q 00:08:51

Yeah. It helps you kind of to detach from that right. And not kind of identify that person’s behavior or reaction with who they are, but rather what they’re currently experiencing and maybe aren’t equipped or supported enough to kind of get over that reaction, that tendency that we have to kind of be short fused, to be irritable, to snap back at people, to be reactive rather than responsive. Right. So I do think that if there is a foundation of kindness towards self, we are much better equipped and able to extend some of that kindness to the barista or the person at the grocery store, or even the person that just cuts you off in traffic and in line. Right. So I think that kindness is fundamental to mental health and wellness, the way that we talk to ourselves. So a communication to others is the challenge for you. That’s a great opportunity to look like how are we communicating with ourselves? Because the way that we’re talking to ourselves translates a lot in how we are communicating with other people too. Right.

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:09:45

I agree 100%. I think self talk is something else that we have to definitely instill from childhood. And these are things that we don’t often talk about in elementary school or middle school or in high school. But I think the way that we communicate with ourselves, the way that we view ourselves. That internal dialogue that exists when we’re trying something challenging, it’s really important that you listen to that and say, well, what am I telling myself? Am I encouraging myself or am I constantly discouraging myself and saying, oh, you’re so stupid, you’re not getting this right. This should be so easy. No, you’re trying something new. It should be challenging. Right now you’re a rookie and it takes a long time for you to become a veteran who really understands whatever challenging tasks you’re trying to conquer. But I think the problem that a lot of us have is we see things like a 30 minutes, do it yourself, remodel your home in 1 hour and 30 minutes and not realizing this takes months. What you’re watching in 30 minutes takes months. And it’s stressful. That internal dialogue is extremely important.

Marly Q 00:10:41

It’s so important. I am with you on that, for sure. We can go off of that like on a three day conference, just talking about the importance of self talk and kindness. For sure. When we touched on the importance of education in being able to break down the barriers and the stigma surrounding mental health. Right. If that’s the biggest obstacle that we have for people not seeking the support that they need, is the stigma tied to having mental health conversations and seeking the support that you need education? That is what I like about amp. And the content that you put out is that you all are consistent and you have a podcast and you’re putting out basically the same information, inviting people in, making it more approachable for somebody that kind of has that resistance or that hesitation or culturally we’re brought up to kind of keep your problems to yourself. You’re not going to go and talk to a stranger that you don’t know about your problems. Right? How can we, as everyday people, PARKers here listening. And in case you’re new to the world, Adrian, I’m putting you on the spot. What’s a PARKer?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:11:37

He performed random acts of kindness.

Marly Q 00:11:39

Good job. Good job, PARKer. He’s a PARKer for a long time. So, yes, in case you’re new and this is your first time listening, a PARKer is you, me, and we all of us who perform acts of random kindness. And I believe that education is so important yes. To break down the stigma, what are some other ways that just we in our everyday life can contribute to ending this stigma?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:11:59

Besides education, if you are seeing a therapist, speaking openly about it, speaking openly about what that experience is like, not being afraid of the judgment of others. Because once you understand that your friend is seeing a therapist and they begin to describe to you what that therapy session is like, or maybe they begin to discuss with you why they needed a medication and what that medication did with them, then that alone is going to help them understand, like, oh, this is normal. This isn’t just for some person who is sitting on a street corner. This is my good friend who’s a successful individual, who is a parent, who has a lot of good things going for them. And it just so happens that they are finding the benefits from seeking therapy, from having the sounding board of somebody who’s just being objective, listening and then challenging their thoughts or their thought process. I think it’s really important for us to just openly discuss those things to people, also to people who we know we can trust with that information. Right. But if it’s a close friend of yours and you have the opportunity to describe to them what that therapy session is like and really break down that stigma that they might carry, that alone is going to carry a lot of weight, and they’re going to be able to realize, oh, wow, maybe let’s see what this therapy thing is about. This doesn’t mean you have to be going through a life crisis to seek therapy or to seek mental health help. I think we constantly have to be feeding our mental health to avoid or to try to prevent ourselves from requiring those crisis scenarios.

Marly Q 00:13:16

Yes, I need to stop and amplify that because that’s MAN, that’s Mental Awareness Now. If we have a practice, a daily habit of checking in, check in with yourself, man. What’s the mental awareness now? What’s going on? How am I feeling? How are we just checking in with yourself? I think that is such a small but important step. If we actually do it on a daily basis, that allows us to, I think, even increase our ability not just to be kind, but to be empathetic with the people that we work with, the people in our home, the people that we see out and about when they react a certain way, to not immediately blow them up. So in a situation like that where maybe it’s a coworker or a friend and you kind of want to be the spark of suggesting that they seek some mental health therapy, how can you even like, I even paused trying to get that out. So I’m like, how can you help someone who clearly not just who you assume needs help, but who clearly is displaying signs of needing support and someone to talk to? What might be the kindest way to offer that support?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:14:17

I think just asking them, hey, have you ever considered seeking some help or seeing a therapist? I think just asking the question in a way that’s compassionate and empathetic if you’re asking in the heat of the moment, hey, have you ever seen hey, you, sounds like you really need to sit there. But no, it’s coming from that place of compassion and care saying, it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Have you ever thought about speaking to somebody professional about it? Because it’s hard for me as your friend to be objective. Maybe I know your family members, maybe I know different parts of the relationships that you have with your whoever. So it’s really important for that question to be raised and for that person to explain to them, I am your friend and I am here for you, but I might not be the best person to give you guidance or help you really process what you’re telling me about.

Marly Q 00:15:01

I think that’s awesome, and I’m so glad that you shared that and that we’re amplifying how curiosity, how kindness, and how simply asking someone for the support that they need. Many times people might share either struggles or problems or situations with family members, with friends, at a networking event or something, venting it out on social media. Right. A lot. And I find that if we all, as PARKers, can actively look for opportunities to be the spark of inviting people to seek that kind of support, that could also be another way that we can help to end this stigma, right? Not so much just from a different perspective. What do you think?

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:15:41

No, I think absolutely the more we talk about it, the more we break the stigma. That’s why I’m constantly just I’ll be vulnerable myself and say there’s some struggles going on right now without over sharing. But I think just the more conversations we have about mental health, mental health help, being mentally aware, being able to self assess, I think that’s where we break the stigma and that’s where more people seek help.

Marly Q 00:16:03

Yes. So tell us about I know that you started a nonprofit. Can you tell us a little bit about the Wooden Bell Foundation? I’m super curious to know.

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:16:13

Yeah, we started it was just like two months ago. It’s something that’s been in my heart for some time now, is to be able to have people that may not be able to afford mental health care and for us to offer some sort of a scholarship for those people to be able to access it when funds aren’t available to them. And so that’s the goal. It’s called the Wooden Bell Foundation. I don’t have the bell here right now, but I once went to I think it was in Dominican Republic. Don’t ask me why. It’s ran in English on the bell. But it says nobody hears the cry of the poor or the sound of a wooden bell because the wooden bell, the sound, it’s just a thud. It doesn’t carry. It’s not really amplified. And that stuck with me. I said no. I named the Wooden Bell Foundation because nobody hears the cry of the poor or the sound of a wooden bell, but we do. And so we’re going to make sure that those people who really need the care can have access. And that’s what we’re trying to do. That’s basically where we’re at.

Marly Q 00:17:08

I think that’s beautiful. And I’m also going to call you a crazy man for starting a business and a nonprofit at the same time because I also have done such crazy things. But here we are, just two kids from Hayalia, trying to make a difference in the world and elevate mankind together. I’m so grateful for you making the time in your busy schedule to spend time with us and amplify mental health every single day. Thank you, Adrian.

Dr. Adrian Mesa 00:17:30

Thank you so much, Marly Q I appreciate it.

OUTRO

You enjoyed this episode of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q, then tell us about it MAN! If you’re listening on Apple podcast, go ahead and rate and leave us a quick review. It really helps to amplify our mission to spread kindness worldwide, and we’re so grateful. And you might just get a shout-out in a future episode. Remember to join our Kind QREW. If you’re not inside of our private Facebook group page, you’re missing out. You can find the link to join right in our episode Show Notes, which you can find at MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number. So whatever episode number this is, head on over to MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number to find the link to join our Kind QREW and this episode’s. Full transcription and show notes. Thank you for making time to be kind with Marly Q. I’ll see you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group: Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

Podcast

4 R’s of Self-Kindness with Gilza Fort-Martinez

Post author By Marly Q
Post date June 9, 2023
No Comments on 4 R’s of Self-Kindness with Gilza Fort-Martinez

4 R’s of Self-Kindness with Gilza Fort-Martinez

Does kindness play a role in healing? Find out just how much when you make Time to be Kind with Marly Q and renowned psychotherapist, Gilza Fort-Martinez. This brief but powerful conversation explores the essential role kindness plays in healing and emotional wellness and uncovers Gilza’s “4 R’s” technique for emotional restoration. Tune in for your roadmap to self-kindness and overall wellness, starting now!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

“Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” ~ The Golden Rule

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

How kindness underpins healing and overall wellness, creating a safe space for awareness, consideration and transformation to occur.
The 4 R’s of Self-Kindness and Emotional Restoration
- Rest: Recognize the importance of rest. We often judge ourselves harshly for needing rest, but it is an essential part of self-kindness.
- Reflect: Reflection is key to understanding oneself better. Asking ourselves hard questions can be a kind act leading to self-awareness and informed decision making.
- Reset: After allowing for rest and reflection, resetting can take place. This process is about making more conscious decisions and allowing for changes in our lives.
- Reengage: Once reset, we are ready to reengage with the world more intentionally, with a better understanding of ourselves.

About Marly Q:

Connect with Marly Q:

About Our Guest:

Gilza Fort-Martínez, LMFT, is a Tough Love Healer specializing in individual therapy, couples counseling, and women’s transitions. With over 25 years of experience, she helps individuals rediscover resolution paths, transforming their lives. Her approach, My Navigational Mapping™, combines honest feedback and a solution-driven method, increasing self-awareness and emotional wellness. Gilza is the founder and CEO of Resolution Counseling Center in Miami. With expertise in conflict resolution, interpersonal relationships, and life transitions, she guides clients in embracing flaws and transforming them into strengths. Her passion for helping individuals improve their lives drives her dedication to counseling and therapeutic support.

Connect with Gilza Fort-Martínez

Website: gilzafort.com

LinkedIn: Gilza Fort-Martínez

Instagram: @toughlovehealer

Facebook: ToughLovehealer

Twitter: @toughlovehealer

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 43: Be Kindr to You with Dr. Eva Ritvo

EP 42: Time to Elevate MANkind with Rene Garcia

EP 37: Global Village of Kindness with Dr. Eglee Nunez-Sancristobal

TRANSCRIPTION:

Marly Q 00:00:00

Personal healing is intricately tied to emotional wellness. But have you ever thought about the role that kindness plays in your healing process and daily well being? Stay tuned for this illuminating conversation.

Marly Q 00:00:25

Hello, PARKers. And thank you for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. We are joined here today by a super special PARKer from Miami, Florida. Gilza-Fort Martinez is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She’s also a speaker and a writer with over 25 years of experience specializing in family therapy and life transitions. She’s helped hundreds of individuals, couples and families rediscover and create a path for resolution that have turned their life around. She has been featured on numerous TV publications, print publications, and dozens of podcasts, including now, Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. Please help me. Welcome to the show, Gilza.

Gilza Fort 00:01:03

Hi there. Hi, Marly. Nice to see you again.

Marly Q 00:01:06

Yes. Thank you so much for making Time to Be Kind. I know that it’s not always easy to. And I appreciate you offering and clearing some space on your super busy calendar to talk to us today.

Gilza Fort 00:01:17

I appreciate that. I definitely resonate with what you say and what you do and what your focus is. I mean, at the end of the day, that’s the bottom line, right? The golden rule being do unto others. And kindness is that foundation.

Marly Q 00:01:34

Thank you. I so agree with that. And I hear that a lot, right? Do unto others. And I think sometimes we forget the rest of that, right?. It’s do unto others as you do to yourself. Isn’t that the rest of it?

Gilza Fort 00:01:45

As you want others to do unto you.

Marly Q 00:01:48

There you go. I know I messed up the words, but I know there’s a part there about you, right? And that’s why it’s so important to start with you. And on this journey of self healing and emotional wellness, really starting with kindness towards yourself allows us to kind of impart some of that kindness onto others, right?

Gilza Fort 00:02:05

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Marly Q 00:02:07

So I know your handle on Instagram is tough love healer. Can you tell me why? Tell me a little bit about this tough love and healing.

Gilza Fort 00:02:14

I mean, the handle came through even conversations with different clients over the years when I would ask them, so how is it that I have influenced you or helped you or impacted you? And most of the time, I got some version of, well, you just are frank. You don’t sugarcoat. And what I wanted was to be able to have the information, and sometimes I didn’t like it, but you still made it palatable for me. So the whole tough love is compassionate. I can be compassionate like I tell my clients. I can be listening. I can be very caring. And then there’s going to be a certain point in time where I’m going to have to be the one that gives you that little push, that little shove that maybe other people are either doing too aggressively and so we resist it or are afraid to do. So the whole tough love healer is kind of a compassionate approach that I try to encourage people to really take a look at what are their options in life as the transitions are flung at us.

Marly Q 00:03:14

Absolutely. I’ve just currently, I feel like I’m still in this transition. I consider myself a new mom even though my kid’s about to be five in July. I feel like I’m still transitioning into this mompreneur world. I have a two year old and almost five year old, and in that transition, I’ve really had to impart quite a bit of love and kindness towards myself through the process. And when I think of tough love, I immediately think of my kids. Because I’m raising my kids with kind of the same tough love that I was raised with, right? My mom is the most selfless, kind, amazing woman, and she’s also super tough, let me tell you. Super tough Cuban mama who don’t play no games, and she’s got super strict boundaries, right? And I feel I am aware of, and I witness myself kind of modeling that tough love way where I’m super kind, but I’m very firm, quote, unquote, tough on boundaries and rules with my kids. And I think that that could sometimes be criticized, right? Like tough love on your kids. But I really think that tough love, quote, unquote, when thought of from a place of kindness and compassion like you’re talking about, could really make a big difference in helping to help someone feel safe. Like they know what I stand for and what I don’t, right? Help someone feel that you care. Because if I’m this tough on certain things, it’s because I care. It’s important, right? So what’s your feedback on that? Am I doing a good job as a parent? I guess, as I’m indirectly asking you.

Gilza Fort 00:04:40

I think you absolutely are, because I think that this idea of really creating safety doesn’t mean we have to helicopter or cocoon our kids. Safety has to do with, in my mind, and I think we were raised by very similar mothers. Safety, in my mind, has to do with creating, like, security. I always knew that I could go back to my parents. I was very blessed in that way, and I always knew that my parents had my back. They didn’t always agree with me. And I got into plenty of disagreements, particularly with my old school, traditional father. But I always knew that they had my back. So, like you said, having loving, caring boundaries that are done lovingly and firmly. Lovingly and firmly. So we don’t need to do them aggressive. I don’t encourage you to do them in anger. They just are. This is what it is.

Marly Q 00:05:35

This is what it is.

Gilza Fort 00:05:36

This is what it is. My daughters are 28 and 22 at this point, Marly. And they will tell you that if they didn’t want to bring out psychomom, all they needed to do was to tell me the truth, have a conversation with me and then be willing to take your lumps if we didn’t agree, because they knew I would do the same. I had no problems with saying, you know what? My bad. And sometimes, you know what, guys? This is the way it is. Because I’m the mom and because your dad is the dad. Really, I’m loving to hear from you that you are really comfortable with stepping into. I can be kind and firm and there are some things that are going to be because that’s the way dad and I want them to be.

Marly Q 00:06:23

Cause mama said so. That does fly around here.

Gilza Fort 00:06:28

Well, like I said, my daughters are grown, and if you talk to them, they’ll tell you it still flies at my house.

Marly Q 00:06:35

There you go. You’re doing a great job, too. Here’s a little reminder for the two of us. We’ve done good. Because when kindness is the foundation, I think of how you parent or how you serve right in the work that you do that’s going to nourish a good environment for that to bloom, for there to be healing, for there to be growth. So I love that. So now that we know the important role that kindness plays in parenting, let’s switch over to the role that kindness plays in healing and overall emotional wellness. From your perspective, how important is kindness in the work that you do to help people heal and find their wellness?

Gilza Fort 00:07:08

I think it’s very important, Marly, in what I do as psychotherapy, the essence, the tried and true of psychotherapy is about creating safety and it’s about instilling hope, and it’s about kind of holding space for someone until they are able and willing to step into that space or time themselves. So underneath all that, there has to be the kindness that allows you to make that connective relationship. The essence of good psychotherapy. And what I mean by good, meaning that it could be effective, that it can be transformational for people, is that you have that therapeutic rapport. And rapport, to me, whether it’s in the therapy office or in the coffee shop is about kindness. Can you share what you’re thinking, tough love wise, and still make it easy on the mind, on the body, on the soul, for the person to be able to consider and to take in? So for me, kindness, hope is all about how I help people really kind of rebuild and restore themselves from whatever their crises.

Marly Q 00:08:19

And how do you encourage your clients to be kind to themselves in their healing process? Do you have any specific technique or question or part about your process that you encourage your clients to be kind to themselves? Curious.

Gilza Fort 00:08:33

I mean, I work a lot. At this point, after 25 years of being, of doing a lot of what might be called generalist, I did a lot of work with different populations and things. At this point, I work most often with women and with women that are really in the throes of definitely some kind of life transition. But I work a lot with women overcoming some kind of betrayal in their life. Betrayal is a broken trust, right? The essence of I thought this was what it is, and now I realize it’s not. And so that devastation of loss. And so my primary focus and work with clients, but definitely with women, is the idea of taking care of yourself, of the Self, right? The one that has the capital S to it. I encourage people to do what I call the four R’s, okay? And the first two pieces to me are primary. And like any other kind of grieving thing, you kind of go to something and then you come back to it. But the first one is I encourage people to just Rest. We don’t allow ourselves, as you were saying, we aren’t kind enough with ourselves when we’re resting. We think, oh my gosh, I’m not being productive, I’m not taking something off my list. I’m not multitasking the way the world says. And so we’re very unkind, very harsh to ourselves with that whole idea of resting. And I talk to people about whatever that looks like for them. Sometimes resting could be right. You’re vegging in your pajamas and binging on a movie or a show, and sometimes resting could be a little bit more mindful, right? You are intentionally either doing some kind of meditation or a lot of people do exercise and fitness as a way. So there could be an active form of resting, and then there is a more quiet and passive form of resting. So to me, that’s cornerstone, because we are just incredibly unkind to ourselves in this society with regards to, you know, what, today is just resting.

Marly Q 00:10:34

I would like to tell all our PARKers listening, I have been guilty of this most of my entire life. I still struggle with it a little bit, but I am grateful to my healing journey and my epiphany that divine rest, like, absolutely sacred. So nothing like having two kids that didn’t let you sleep for several years? I don’t think I’ve slept really. I will have you value rest. I would really have you value rest. All right, so I got the first R, what’s next?

Gilza Fort 00:11:01

So the second R is to Reflect, Reflection. And this is a part of kindness that I encourage people to do because again, we are in this hustle culture that we’re in, we are in on, and we’re expected to be on twenty four seven at a hundred and fifty miles an hour all the time. And so the concept of sitting quietly, just kind of seeing what’s going, what’s floating through our heads, taking a moment to ask ourselves kind of what I call the hard questions. Sometimes my clients will say to me, well, that’s not very kind when you want me to ask some of these questions. At the same time there’s a kindness that goes in with can I look at myself? Am I willing to look at myself in all of my glorious flaws? And will I take the time to really kind of be my own comfy, cozy blanket, so to speak, in ways. So the reflection process to me, I encourage people to do it old school. I’m very much paper and pencil. I want you to just ask yourself the basic questions: who am I? What’s important to me, what’s different for me now than when I was 20? Just any question is important. Any question is relevant to getting to know yourself in a different way. So this is different angle of kindness. It’s one that sometimes I have to sell a little more to people in the sense of it is a kindness to yourself. The more that you understand yourself, the more that you have awareness, then the more mindfully or intentionally you can step into what are the choices that you want to make? Doesn’t mean we’re not going to make mistakes. It just means that you might be more clearly able to tell where are the potholes in the road, so to speak.

Marly Q 00:12:47

Absolutely. I believe, I think that’s such an important part of the work that you do and you quote, force your clients to do it, whether they think it’s tough love or not. Reflection, I always say without reflection you see no growth. Without reflection you see no growth. You’re just constantly doing and the doing and the doing. And you’re carrying with you maybe old identities, baggage, things that you haven’t that aren’t even you anymore. Without that kindness. Like clarity is kindness. And sometimes clarity doesn’t look good. It doesn’t look good. But there’s kindness in being really clear about who you are, why you believe you’re on this earth, where you’ve been, where you think you’re going, where that gap is like how we’re treating ourselves in our journey. I think reflection is paramount. So, so far I am with you on board for these two R’s. Tell me more.

Gilza Fort 00:13:33

Well, another piece of that reflection, as you were saying there, is really entering into the part of forgiveness. And to me, forgiveness is also cornerstone in being kind to ourselves. Because you mentioned I might be looking at myself in ways that I’m not even that person anymore. And so that’s all about right judgment and self judgment that we do, and I’m talking about, again, Western society, US. Societies, is the we that I tend to talk about, but definitely us as Hispanic women kind of trying to bridge the old school, traditional way of thinking and now trying to transition into more of the American values and so forth. I mean, like you, I grew up with very traditional Hispanic parents and it was very tough at times to stay true to what they considered to be important values, cultural and historical, and to also be present and be able to live a life here. So the willingness to look at ourselves and know that we’ve shifted and we’ve changed. And some of it we’ve done willingly, some of it right life shoves us into those changes. Then the ability to really forgive ourselves for how we do that process. As you were saying, the idea of being a mom and a mompreneur, that is, I started practicing when my oldest daughter was two, and that was really hard. I wanted to grow this business. And my mom and my mother in law, they both worked, but they didn’t have careers. They worked and they didn’t have businesses. They worked for somebody. So there was a lot of clashing there and a lot of self forgiveness that I had to do for not being with my daughter. Twenty four, seven, and yet I’m a much better mother because I worked, because I had my sense of self. So forgiveness to me is a big piece of that reflection part.

Marly Q 00:15:51

I totally agree with that. So thank you for bringing that into the conversation. For sure. So we got two R’s under our belt so far. You said there were four, right?

Gilza Fort 00:16:04

Yes. The third one is reset. And how that works with kindness for me is when we do this resting and we’re allowing and we let resting become a little bit more intentional and habitual, right, more consistent. And we continue to ask ourselves some of the questions so that now we start to make maybe decisions a little bit more consciously, maybe we decide that we have to make some shifts and we let go of things that maybe are hard to let go of. All of this is the process of resetting. And when you’re ready and usually we know when we’re ready, we just don’t always allow ourselves, but we usually know when we’re ready to take that first step into let’s try this different idea, or let’s meet this different person or connect with this particular business idea, whatever it is. The resetting has to or the resetting comes in when you’re feeling that you have more of that foundation all in. This is about kindness for yourself. Okay? Like we said, if we’re going to judge ourselves, criticize ourselves, move ourselves into the space where we become immobilized either with anxiety or fear, you aren’t able then to do the reset. And so the reset to me is like when the computer we kind of restart the computer and we have our basics, right? All the basic stuff in the computer is there, but there’s some new and improved pieces or maybe there’s a little program here and there that we hadn’t noticed and that now we put more energy or emphasis on. And so the resetting takes you or allows you to go into what I call the fourth step, which is the reengaging. This is when you more intentionally decide to reengage with the world, whatever world that is. In the case with a lot of my women clients, it might be about actually stepping into their reengaging in their marriages or stepping into the idea of divorcing. But it could be any layer changing jobs, allowing our children to go into kindergarten, and we leave them at the front door. We don’t take them, whatever that is, right? That it allows us then to reengage with our various worlds and the various hats. But we do it now from a place of a little bit broader understanding of ourselves.

Marly Q 00:18:24

Oh my goodness. So I feel like you just outlined in four R’s, which I love, wordplay, Alliteration, and acronyms. As you know, I know we don’t know each other that long, but you know me for five minutes. You know I like acronyms. And you’re a PARKer, by the way, I don’t know if you’ve learned this one. And folks listening, do you know what a PARKer stands for?

Gilza Fort 00:18:42

Gilza I did. Oh dear. Random Kindness. Acts of random kindness.

Marly Q 00:18:47

I forgot the P. Perform of Random Kindness. So when you’re a PARKer, you’re a person that performs Acts of Random Kindness, right. So you do this absolutely every single day. Now you know the acronym for it. All of you listening, you’re all PARKers too. So just in case you’re new to my world and didn’t know that acronym, PARKer. And what I was saying with this is that was really like my journey with I had to really learn my last burnout experience, october of 2016. And I made a decision. If I do not change, if I do not change this, I’m going to die. It got that serious from like I will not continue not just my work and my passion and my philanthropic work, but I don’t think I will continue existing if I don’t change how I am treating myself. And it really was this total outward do unto others without doing any of the kindness unto self. So that was 2016, several years ago already. And it’s taken some time it’s taken some time for my body and my brain nervous system to rewire itself, to appreciating and valuing and prioritizing rest, which was absolutely the complete opposite of my life. Prior to this awakening and necessity for reflection, I really had not done any real reflection work to pause and really look at how far I’ve come from my immigrant parents coming to the United States, from me actually starting. A business in 2010, not knowing anything about it, not having a role model, not having the right environment, so to speak, to nurture this in me, et cetera. And here we don’t fast forward and actually reflect and ask ourselves these questions. We’re not able to be proud of ourselves and be like, hey, you’ve been through some dark times, you’ve been through some difficult things, and the forgiveness that has to happen is such a part of it. And then resetting, like, once you’re ready and hey, it might take you, I don’t know, a couple of sessions with Gilsa. It took me a couple of years, people. I did not seek Gilsa’s help. I just thought I kind of went through this on my own and with my family to a small extent, et cetera. And it took some while to kind of reset and be like, all right, I am no longer this stressed out, burnt out, worried, anxious event planner that I’ve been all my life. I feel I’m being called into becoming a parent. That’s when we started even trying, going down that journey. I feel I’m being called to speak and connect with people in a different way. I’m being called to create courses. But it was a lot of resetting that needed to happen mentally and identity wise to step into. I am a kindness influencer. I am a leadership trainer. I’m a community builder. That’s who I am, what I do. You can pay me to speak at your event. You can pay me to do workshops and retreats, right? But that all really had to come from kindness and come back to Corey to the core, and then be able to re-engage, enter Time to Be Kind with Marly Q podcast and my effort to re-engage with my community that I felt and I didn’t forget about. But I tossed it off to the side because it caused me so much stress, worry, anxiety, burnout. And now really able to come back and say, listen, there’s a way that we can be the spark and we can be of service to others and be that change that we wish to see in our own lives and for the world. But it really has to start. It has to start with you. Because if not, it’s just not sustainable.

Gilza Fort 00:21:54

Sustainable. That’s the great word. Because we could do it. You did it there for a number of years. So did I, so did our parents. And as children of immigrants, as you said, this is what we’re taught to do we just go? Go. The question really is, is it sustainable? And is it sustainable in a way that you have some satisfaction, some quality of life? The two main reasons that people go into therapy in this country anyway is that they complain of anxiety or depression. Okay. And those things are about, like you said, the core, the soul that isn’t really being nurtured or honored.

Marly Q 00:22:33

Correct. And I just want to use this microphone and this time and this platform for anyone listening that might be kind of in a season of life where you feel like that angst of like, all right, I need to transition or I need to make a change, I need to pivot into something. And you feel that resting and reflecting and kind of going through this process might be helpful for you. How can our PARKers listening connect with you? I know you were so generous to offer a 15 minutes consult for people that reached out to you and review the show. So if you’re out there listening and you review our podcast, rather leave a review on itunes or follow us on Spotify or leave a comment on our blog if you engage with us and this episode, Gilsa is so generous and she’s going to offer you a 15 minutes consult.

Gilza Fort 00:23:18

Yes, I’d love to be able to do that. You could also find me, as you mentioned, on Instagram, I’m at TOUGH LOVE Healer, can find me on Facebook as well as my website. Helsaport.com can give you a little bit more information through my blog and things like that, get a little bit better, feel as to who I am and how I work. But definitely the 15 minutes is usually enough for people to get a feel for, is allowing yourself to go and have conversations with somebody that you don’t know, take out the dirty laundry, as we would say in Cuban Spanish, right? With somebody else and really allow yourself to start that kindness process with yourself. I encourage it. Doesn’t have to be with me, but I encourage it.

Marly Q 00:24:03

I encourage it, too. Thank you so much for your generosity, for your kindness, for spending this time with me and our PARKers listening. I hope that we get to see each other real soon.

Gilza Fort 00:24:12

Yes, thank you. Thanks very much for having me.

Outro

So if you enjoyed this episode of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q, and I know you did, tell us about it, you can leave a comment over on my website, Marlyq.com this episode number. You could also leave a rating and a review over on podcast. Follow us on Spotify. You know what to do. And you could also choose to be the spark of a conversation over on our private Facebook group. If you’re not part of my Kind QREW yet, I don’t know what you’re waiting for. I invite you every week. Go over to Marlyq.com this episode number and click the link to request access to our private Facebook group. That’s where we connect each and every week, and I want you in there. You’ll also find the full transcription and show notes, plus the links to connect with Hilsa over at Marlyq.com this episode number. Thanks again for making this Time to Be Kind with me. See you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group: Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

Podcast

MANkind Summit 2.0 Recap

MANkind Summit 2.0 Recap

MANkind Summit was a historic three-day virtual event focused on elevating mental health and wellness with the power of kindness, connection, and community. In this short solo-episode, Kindness Influencer and podcast host, Marly Q, highlights the importance of mental health and wellness with a quick recap of the Summit. If you want to feel inspired and refreshed with new perspectives and practical tools to calm your mind, find clarity, and take action towards your goals then listen to this episode and consider joining our Kind QREW+ online community for on-going support. Marly Q believes that Quality Relationships Elevate Wellness (QREW) and having a kind support system helping you prioritize self-care and well-being is the secret to living a more happy, successful and fulfilled life. Tune in and listen for a special invitation at the end!

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

“I believe Quality Relationships Elevate Wellness and everyone deserves to have a QREW.” ~ Marly Q

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

Gain valuable insights and reflections on the second annual MANkind Summit, a unique virtual event that focused on elevating mental health and wellness with the power of kindness, connection and community.
Be inspired by Marly Q’s personal story of resilience and her commitment to spreading kindness and building a strong, supportive community.
Gain motivation to make time for self-care and discover how simple it can be to prioritize your own mental health and wellness.
Learn practical strategies and tools to cultivate calmness, find clarity, and make progress towards your goals, empowering you to create a more fulfilling life.
Receive a personal invitation to join our Kind QREW+ community, where you’ll receive ongoing support, access to exclusive resources, and the opportunity to participate in future events and workshops.

About Marly Q:

Connect with Marly Q:

Other Links:

Join our Kind QREW Free Private Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/kindqrew

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership: https://marlyq.com/kind-qrew

Programs & Courses: https://marlyq.com/programs

Marly Q Speaking, Training & Retreats: https://sparkcsr.com

Listen to Marly Q TEDx Talk “Kindness is your Superpower”: https://bit.ly/MarlyQTEDxTalk

Other Episodes you’ll enjoy:

EP 34: Don’t Quit on You with Marly Q

EP 32: Let’s Start with Why (and How) with Marly Q

EP 30: Season 2, Kind Welcome with Marly Q

EP 0: Season 1, Welcome PARKer with Marly Q

TRANSCRIPTION:

00:00 Marly Q

Can one event change your life? Yes, yes it can. And I know this because I’ve been creating and being a part of life changing events for well over two decades. And I just hosted our second annual MANkind Summit, a historic three day virtual event to elevate mental health and wellness. In this episode, I quickly recap what this one of a kind event experience was like. And for all of those who did not attend the MANkind Summit this year, Stay tuned to the end.

00:40 Marly Q

Hello and thank you for making Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. It’s just you and I here today. How cool is that? It’s been a while since I do a solo episode, but today I was inspired because we just hosted our second annual MANkind Summit. And I have so much to still digest and reflect on that experience. But I wanted to kind of go off of momentum and record this quick recap. For those of you that attended, you know the transformation, the inspiration, the elevation that we all experienced together throughout the course of the three days. Whether you were with us all three days of the summit, or you only attended one day, or maybe just one session, or maybe you just were able to pop in and out in the middle of your busy day, I hope and I trust that you were able to receive from the event experience what was there for you to receive. Hopefully a spark of kindness, connection, and community.

01:32 Marly Q

That was my intention. That’s who I believe I am. And my purpose here on this earth is to simply be the spark of kindness, of real meaningful connection and to build community. That’s what Time to Be Kind with Marly Q podcast is all about. And the event, the MANkind Summit, was really the embodiment of making Time to Be Kind to yourself. And I really want to recognize and honor and appreciate the people that registered for this event and that attended I recognize that it was a difficult ask and that it was a challenge to show up for three days, to make time, to be kind to yourself, to elevate your mental health and wellness, to share that maybe with family, with friends, or with your team of coworkers.

02:16 Marly Q

I know I challenged you and I really want to again acknowledge and recognize those of you that took me up on that challenge, especially wanting to thank our sponsors, our presenting sponsor Spark CSR, which is my company of professional development training, leadership workshops and retreats. This was basically my showcase of what it is that I can do on a virtual scale and also in person as a speaker, as a facilitator, as a leadership trainer, right?

02:41 Marly Q

So my company was a presenting sponsor, Spark CSR. You can check it out at sparkcsr.com. And we had Miami-Dade County District 13 as a presenting sponsor as well. We applied for a grant and for the second year in a row, we were supported so that we can produce this event for practically free for the community. Thank you to Senator Rene Garcia, who we had on our podcast just a few episodes ago. And we’ll make sure to link it on this show notes so that you can hear from him. Why he decided to say “Yes, MAN” to this event and support us for two years in a row. One of our first sponsors to sign up was Voices for Children, which we just recently interviewed Kadie Black, the CEO of Voices for Children. We want to thank Fortune Lenders, Rise Up Bookkeeping, Lulee B. Inc., The Well Biz as well, Synergate Coaching. Little Chef Big Food and STARS Global Preparatory School, which is a school here in South Florida, which I have been serving as a chairwoman of the board for the past two years. And the reason that I’m a part of that board and the school and also interviewed Dr. Egle Nunez San Cristobal on Time to Be Kind with Marly Q a few episodes ago is because they infuse their curriculum and their everyday school with kindness. There is actually a kindness curriculum, there is service learning that happens in the classroom. And for me, that’s really key is that we are teaching kindness and influencing kindness in our youth, not just our youth, in us, in ourselves as well.

04:10 Marly Q

And the MANkind summit was all about directing some of that self-love and kindness that we constantly give in service of others. Hey, I’m talking to you, PARKer, to you, the people that Perform Acts of Random Kindness, right? The people that are constantly helping this event was to help the helpers. And we spent three days working through an experience. Day one was get calm. It was all about how do we calm our mind? How do we befriend stress, right? One of the mindset shifts that we started the event with, the first 15 minutes of the event, we had done a guided meditation and we shift our relationship and our mindset with stress, where we realized that stress is not the enemy, right? Lack of awareness to stress is the enemy. And when we began to practice Mental Awareness Now, or MAN, is the acronym for Mental Awareness Now. When we begin to practice that as a mindfulness skill, it allows us to experience more calm in our life, despite the chaos, confusion, or otherwise happening on the outside, right?

05:07 Marly Q

So day one was all about tapping into that calm. How do we do that with practical tools, with practical skills, right? And I gave everybody on day one, the one daily habit that has the power to change your life that has a power to change the way you feel when you wake up and go to bed. I call it my BEST way to stress less. BEST is the acronym for that self-care strategy that I got to teach, I got to share. I’ve been sharing it since 2020 to well, I mean, thousands of people by now and dozens of workshops in person and virtual. And I can tell you with certainty, not just by teaching it to others and being able to witness and hear transformation from people that actually apply this BEST way to stress less strategy. But for me personally in my life, doing my BEST and being committed to always do my BEST has really gotten me through some difficult and challenging times, especially some mental ruts that I found myself in when I was quarantined and pregnant with a toddler in my house and trying to transition into becoming a mom of two and figuring out how to rebuild my business after losing it from COVID, et cetera. I was in a bit of a rut and the only thing that I had available to me was my Mental Awareness Now and practicing my mindfulness skills to keep me from a rut and allow me to pivot really fast into creating Time to Be Kind with Marly Q Podcast, creating online courses, creating our community, our kind crew, and creating awesome virtual events like the MANkind Summit. That was day one, was get calm. And I shared a bit of that story as to how getting calm helped me shift over into getting clear.

06:42 Marly Q

So day two was all about get clear. Once we are able to get some calm and achieve some calm in our mind, then we can get really clear as to what’s really important to us. Right? Have you ever been guilty of feeling like a hot mess or you just feel like a mess? Right? You were scattered and distracted in a lot of different directions. Day two at the MANkind summit was for you, to help you. Kind of reset your mind. We started with an amazing session, a mindset research session. I wanna thank Sheena Eizmendiz from The Wellbiz for leading that session for us and teaching us some real practical mindfulness skills that we can use to reset our mind, achieve more calm and more clarity so that we can get moving and feeling better. So that was, I didn’t mention our featured speakers for day one, I wanna thank. Dr. Eva Ritvo, founder of Bekindr Global Initiative and a psychiatrist in Miami Beach Florida for well over 30 years. She’s been a multi-guest of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q, including episode one and three and 30 something a couple of weeks ago. And we just love Dr. Eva Ritvo and she helped to amplify the story of a woman that we both feel really embodies growing as a result of trauma and someone that her mental health has helped her really build a beautiful life where she enjoys quality relationships and experiences, despite her physical disabilities. So Kerry Gruson, the co-founder of Thumbs Up International, was a part, not just as a featured speaker at our event where we helped to amplify her voice, but she attended all three days. And really, just by her presence and her wisdom and the words that she was able to express really changed lives at the MANkind Summit, changed our perception of what’s possible and what we can actually see in one another way past our physical limitations.

08:28 Marly Q

We also got to focus on our goals and on day three, get moving in that direction. So again, day one was get calm. Day two was get clear. And day three was get moving. And I taught you my smartest planning framework to achieving any goal. We were able to leave with an actual roadmap and some action steps as to how you’re going to get moving and make progress on the goal that you decided was most important to you. It was so amazing to actually have that be a real valuable use of time for people. How many events have you been to where you get a lot of information, information overload, but then you leave and you’re like kind of overwhelmed or unsure as to what am I going to do with all this information that I just received? I know I’m not the only one. I and the MANkind summit experience was not like that at all. There was zero overwhelm on the information. And if anything there was overwhelm on the joy of being able to experience and receive each other’s kindness. It was a beautiful display of kindness, connection and community. And again, I just want to say thank you to our speakers and our sponsors for making this event possible. And more than that, to the attendees, to every single person that attended this event that engaged, that was active with our dashboard and won MAN points. Yes, my friends, we actually had a competition called the MAN points challenge and we gave points for attending the event, for engaging, for speaking up, for submitting forms on the dashboard, for visiting our speakers and our sponsors. And it was just so fun to reward people to interact and to engage.

09:58 Marly Q

If that doesn’t show you that this was a completely amazing and unique one-of-a-kind experience, I don’t know what will, right? This was not a Zoom meeting. This was not slideshows and presentations or speakers just speaking at you. This was really a co-creation of community and really in my opinion, showcasing the change that we all wish to see in this world. We created, we co-created an environment and a space in an event where people came and felt safe to be themselves, to express their voice.

10:27 Marly Q

We even had Adrianna Foster on day two and day three sing Acapella using her voice loudly to inspire all of us with a smile and with a message that it’s all about you. You are responsible for elevating your mental health and wellness on a daily basis. And this event was my effort from my heart to open my heart and my arms to the community to invite you to elevate your mental health and wellness together.

10:52 Marly Q

We all need this MAN. We all need this MAN. None of us is, you know, has reached the summit of mental health and wellness enlightenment. Mental health and wellness is a daily practice. And in a world where we are so busy and pulled in so many different directions and there’s so much fear and uncertainty and unknowns, us being able to strengthen our mental fortitude. For us to be able to strengthen our mental health, to be able to stand still and strong in the face of adversity, for us to be able to pivot quickly when there’s changes, for us to be able to be focused and present and productive at work, at home and out in the world. It’s really up to us. It’s all about you making Time to Be Kind to you and prioritizing your mental health and wellness. The MANkind Summit was the opportunity to do that. And again, I just want to thank recognize, acknowledge, celebrate, applaud all the beautiful people that took me up on this invitation and made Time to Be Kind to elevate your Mental Awareness Now. If you missed it, you’re listening and you’re like, what, what was this event about? Where was I? Why didn’t I go? Or you didn’t go because it was three days and you’re like, I don’t have time for three days, right? We actually had a whole session about moving from time management to time ownership so that you can find out that you actually got time.

12:04 Marly Q

I got Time to Be Kind to me. I got Time to Be Kind to others, right? Kindness doesn’t take any time. If anything, it gives you time and energy to actually experience your life in a more enriched way and to actually connect with other people and build quality relationships that elevate wellness. Because at the end of the day, if you are surrounded by quality relationships that will elevate your wellness and get you through absolutely anything that you might be going through. You don’t have to get through anything in life alone. And what I believe we all need is a QREW, not just any QREW, a Kind QREW. Allow me to be your kind guide.

12:38 Marly Q

So if you’ve been tuning into Time to Be Kind with Marly Q every week since we launched this season two. Then you know, we’ve been promoting, we’ve been inviting you to join our kind crew. It’s our free private Facebook group page. And it’s grown to well over 350 people by now, which is amazing. And it only grows by you joining and inviting other kind leaders and kind people to join our movement to spread kindness worldwide. And at the MANkind summit, I got to share an invitation to join our kind QREW plus, which is our paid membership, where every single month we meet, have a scheduled self-care date, you and I and our QREW, we meet to practice self-care. We practice doing our best way to stress less with a guided meditation so that we can actually pause, reflect on the month, share some wins, share some losses or share what I need.

13:32 Marly Q

Every month you get to actually pause and reflect so that you can see your own growth, so that you can be supported by community and actually make meaningful relationships, meaningful connections. QREW is an acronym for Quality Relationships Elevate Wellness. I believe that quality relationships elevate wellness and it is up to you, me and we to connect ourselves with each other. And that’s really the purpose here of Time to Be Kind with Marly Q and the MANkind Summit is to build community, real meaningful community. And at the MANkind Summit, I was just in tears with joyful overwhelm of the meaningful connections that were made in that room day one, day two, and day three. I want to thank our, our Kind QREW members that joined us. So if you’re listening, I want to give a shout out to our new Kind QREW members, Barbie Garcia, Denise Jomarron, Amy Burgess, Aileen Martinez and some founding members who are coming back, Michelle Soebi-Smith, Kat Haber, Dr. Betsy Guerra, Brian Lemerman, Luly B. and Carolina Williams. Thank you for joining our Kind QREW Plus. Thank you for committing to making Time to Be Kind to you on a monthly basis. And together we can hold ourselves kindly accountable to our self-care goals.

OUTRO

If this message resonated with you, then go on over to MarlyQ.com, click the join Kind QREW Plus button and join us MAN. Each and every month we make Time to Be Kind and practice self care. I offer a quarterly planning workshop for my kind crew members that costs $297, but it’s free for you to attend. You get access to my online course, to my guided meditation. You get access to the MANkind summit itself for free next year. And you also get access to the replay videos from this year’s MANkind summit and last year. So it’s an absolute no brainer. Join my Kind QREW Plus by visiting this episode’s show notes. The link will be right there for you to join. All right, MarlyQ.com forward slash this episode number will get you straight there. Thank you for making this Time to Be Kind with me today and hearing my little recap and fast forward of the MANkind Summit. There’s gonna be so much more coming your way as soon as we’re able to get these videos and bring this content down to share with all of you. Thank you for making this Time to Be Kind with Marly Q. I’ll see you next time.

Join our Kind QREW – Free Private Facebook Group: Click here to Join Now

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

Podcast

Voices for Children with Kadie Black

Post author By Marly Q
Post date May 26, 2023
No Comments on Voices for Children with Kadie Black

Voices for Children with Kadie Black

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and National Foster Care Month so this week, Kindness Influencer and podcast host, Marly Q, makes Time to be Kind with Kadie Black, CEO of Voices for Children, a nonprofit organization dedicated to serving children in the Miami Dade County foster care system. They discuss the the importance of finding personal joy, the critical work Voices for Children performs every day and how vicarious trauma affects those working in this challenging field. You’ll become more aware of the needs of children in foster care and learn ways the community can support through donations, volunteering, and creating positive experiences for children in the foster care system.

Join our Kind QREW community – Click here

Join our Kind QREW+ Paid Membership – Click here

“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero.” ~ Fred Rogers

Listen to this Episode and Discover…

The needs of children in foster care, beyond the basics of food, shelter, and safety.
The concept of vicarious trauma and the importance of mental health for those working with vulnerable communities.
Some of the challenges faced by children in the foster care system and how organizations like Voices for Children help.
The significance of community support, including donations, volunteering, fostering, etc.
The impact of positive experiences and exposure on the vision and future of children in the foster care system.
How you can be a Joy Generator for yourself and others!

About Marly Q:

Connect with Marly Q: